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My vent -Newly Poz


Because of the lifestyle I lived, I usually get tested every 6 mo. I won't lie I have used the internet to get my sexual desires fulfilled. Most of them were protected and some weren't. Every time I'd go and get testing done, I'd say a prayer and plead that if I came out of this testing with negative results, I'd be sure to practice the safest sex possible. Only to end up doing the same reckless things I've done before.

I then moved to another state. My testing then went from every 6mo to every year, with the same sexual activities as before. I remember going to the bathhouse in my area one night to have a little fun. I think it was a week later, I started having flu like symptoms. I immediately knew what was going on. Fever and vomiting lasted for about a good week, but I pushed it to the back of my mind and didn't think about it too much. My sexual activities has now gone to absolutely nothing at all. Knowing that I more than likely have contracted HIV, I didn't want to put anyone else in harms way. I gathered the strength to get an at home testing kit to see if I was really HIV positive. The test showed I was positive. Surprisingly, I was not shocked. I had a little time to process after feeling sick after getting infected. Because of the environment in which I contracted the virus, I had no idea as to whom I got it from.

Here's my true vent!

I decided to go to Planned Parenthood to get an official diagnosis of having HIV. Upon my initial visit, everyone seem so cold and judgy. Now some of that had to do with my paranoia of people judging me, but after I got my diagnosis, I would immediately come to realize it wasn't me being paranoid. I got a call to come back to the office do discuss my results. I had an older nurse who had the gift of gab about her. Everything she was saying was going in one ear and out the other. All I wanted to hear was You Are..... So it came to the part where she was telling about my results. She tells me that I was positive for syphilis and began to tell me the treatment course to get rid of it. Now at that time I was over the moon with joy. She didn't say anything about being HIV positive. Then she hit me with, Oh you do know your HIV positive.... right? My response was ummm no! At that point, I was numb as many people who are newly diagnosed is. She then begins to say well yes you are and started handing me this big packet of what to do and what not to do. The first thing that I saw on that packet was, THROW AWAY ANY BLOOD DONOR CARDS YOU MAY HAVE. This sent me into a deeper state of numbness. Again at this point I hear wha wha wha from the nurse. Out of the blue, I look up and she starts crying about a colleague of hers that has HIV and how unfair it was. I'm like how in the hell are you making this about you!!!!??? I was so pissed at the whole process. If I didn't already have time to somewhat process that I might have had HIV. I would have probably tried to harm myself. Naturally, I am a pretty strong minded person and can handle pretty tough situations in my life. The way this facility handled telling me my diagnosis of having HIV is beyond deplorable. I wouldn't wish this on anyone in life.

I get treatment for the syphilis with a strong shot. I was told to come back in 6mo to see if the treatment took. This was the beginning 2020 and the beginning of COVID. I was so upset about how my situation was handled, I never went back to see if the treatment took. I would get letters in the mail clearly stating please make an appointment to see if your SYPHILIS has gone away. Not please make an appoint not stating why. I live with others so if that mail was mistakenly opened... well there goes privacy. It was just all bad. So here I am HIV positive in the beginning of COVID. Scared shitless! thinking that if i get COVID, I am going to die for sure. Doctors offices were not seeing patients, so this was delaying my treatment of HIV.

I am happy to say I started my first HIV treatment 4/20/21. At the moment, I have not told anyone about my status, so I'm walking the road alone at the moment. I do know that I never want what I went through to happen to anyone else. You would have thought that Planned Parenthood would have has some type of training or a plan for telling someone that they are HIV positive. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and there's a blessing in every lesson.

Love & Light to you all

I wish you all the best and I'm glad you've started your treatment.

When I was first diagnosed I had the most horrible ID doctor to give me the bad news. I thought every doctor I saw from then on would treat me the same way, but luckily she turned out to be the exception.

I'm lucky enough to say I've been able to switch doctors a few times because I didn't feel I was being treated right; so many people are stuck with the same clinic/ID doctor for years.

We all face same kind of frustration at the beginning, and yes it’s different person to person however its more or less pain in the heart. Cant point out anyone but someones irresponsible behavior makes others suffer by transferring hiv. Bright side is WE can be the hero of being ending the chain by adhered to Medicine and stop hiv transfer to another hereafter. No body can understand what we are going through but WE each other can understand close to somewhat. Most of patients care centers become ignorant attitudes with less emotional support. However since hiv become long term monitoring and adherence to medicine, and very less emergency situations, better to find just a simple and proper Dr who can do monitor you and give support and best care. No need fancy clinics hospitals or even social support larger scale organizations like you mentioned… Just need one good dr, you can contact easily, personally, and privacy… will give you less stress, good guidance, attention, and concern your health…. Even could be a social support organization, try another Branch of same organization , you might meet a better person…


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