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Closeted gay in non sexual rship marriage to woman


Hi everyone.
There are days I want to just die.  I almost didnít even get tested for HIV. I was concerned about another STI. Based on what I had done with this guy I trusted I thought there was no. Way. But because HIV was part of the testing package I included it. And it was the last result to come back - all else negative but that. Fast forward 6 weeks and Iím two weeks on meds and mortified. Another thing I keep in the closet with me. Iím so ashamed. I want to die many days. So irresponsible and naive. Iím 45 and donít know how I can keep this manageable and a secret for the rest of my life. But Iíve kept my sexuality mostly a secret. I guess itís one more thing.

Jim Allen:

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis and the pain you are going through. The news and the idea of living with HIV can be a lot to digest.

Glad to read that you have started treatment. What treatment did you start with, and how is that going? Do you know when you have follow-ups to see if the viral load has reduced?

Regarding keeping it a secret, not sure what you specifically mean, but plenty of people don't advertise, they are living with manageable health conditions. It's just not relevant for most people to know, and I would not see that as keeping secrets.

Are you getting any support through this? Have you let your doctor know how you are feeling?

Best, Jim


          ojo.        Hi there!

Iím sorry to hear your situation but, I hope you have told your wife about your dx so she can get check herself for hiv...well, you, as many of us, were naive and irresponsable, the only thing we can do now is to take responsibility and try to be strong, thankfully, depends what part of the world you live, living with hiv is easier, you just have to be disciplined in taking your med/s and keep a good attitude. We all know how difficult is to get such dx, especially in your situation (wife/partner), but, you have to be honest with her so you can start feeling more relaxed and if your wife lives you, and forgives you, you will have support from her...wishing you the best, please keep us are not alone, you can count on us for the time being...hugs

Thanks both for replying. I am sorry for being delayed in replying. I just havenít been able to log back in. Which is selfish of me. Iím just having a hard time.

Thanks for asking a very valid question but I have not told her. We havenít had any form of sex in 10 years. And while waiting to hopefully reach undetect I ensure there are no accidental cuts in household chores etc.

Iím on biktarvy


--- Quote from: Tryingtocope on April 09, 2021, 12:55:37 am ---I ensure there are no accidental cuts in household chores etc.

--- End quote ---
don't fret over those kinds of issues. HIV dies quickly after leaving the body, and unless the blood is being injected into someone else, everyday cuts and scrapes do not transmit HIV. ;) :D


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