Author Topic: Six months and counting (Read 11115 times)

Angel-Ronnie · « **on:** November 23, 2006, 07:25:05 am »

Ok where do I start to begin with. It has been six months since my dx in may 2006. I am not good at this but what the hell I have to introduce myself so people can have an idea where I come from. My life is as normal as any other person around me but then in may went for tests for life insurance and bang what do you know my doctor phones me and asked for me to make an appointment to come and see her. Well I couldn't wait so made appointment for the sameday. Called my sister and told her that I need to go and see my doctor and as time gives it I had to pic my sis up from her work afterwards.

Get to my doc and was told that I am hiv positive. My whole world stood still it was the longest half hour I have ever experienced in my life the quiet non responsive time. I just know I started crying holding my face in my hands then was told that my cd4 is 414 and vl 1890 but that time as time was giving it I was on antibiotics and she said that we shall do more tests in 6 months time which should be round about now but have decided I shall wait after the holidays otherwise my nervs would not last knowing that I just went for more tests and tress out even more.

But take this in for a start she told me carry on as normal hell you just told me i have hiv and must carry on as normal it is like someone telling you you have cancer how do you deal with it well I did and are doing a great job at that. Started gym eating healthy maintaining a healthy lifestyle and today doing gym 5 times a week from mondays to fridays and have gained over ten pounds in muscle weight and feeling faboulously sexy and healthy.

Yes I am gay but who cares anyway I am still the same person as before I just have a teeny weeny little medical condition called hiv which does not defy me as to who I am. No pun intended to any one but so much more positive things started happening in my life and I am so thankful for all the most awesum people I have met over these boards and other forums without them I think my life would have been different. They have showed me compassion, understanding and love which by the way I am not getting from my own family so I have a new more passionate family who is positive and like minded like me. Had problems with family and so I thought of writing my mom a poem big mistake I have made for it just caused her to phone me at my place of work and swore me to pieces but what the heck leave it at that I tried and it did not work.

So my oldest sister who knew from the start phones my other sister and told her about my status which pissed me off because i felt invaded let down because why not consult me first before doing this. Well it so happened that they phone my one brother who told them "he got himself into this let him sit with it on his own" hell I didn't ask them for anything as a matter of fact he is also gay and him and his partner does 3sums group sex drug parties and I pray to God that they don't get what I have or have to deal with it the way I had to on my own not even a lover to confide in nor to hold me at night as I cry myself to sleep or the endless loneliness but then i found the body, aidsmeds, aids2hiv and have the most stunning family a person could wish for.

I have found my way of dealing with this thru my spirituality and my poetry and meditation and reading alot of inspirational books which I must say is out of this world. My whole perspective to life and towards myself has changed in such a way that my life is positive in more ways than one.

Being South African at that, people here are still so naive and arrogant towards hiv they just don't take this serious enough because this is life changing experience because it sure as hell have changed mine for the better that is. And it is now a bit more than six months post dx and I am doing well.

Two weeks ago had a open appendisectomy took me one week before I could return to work and doing splendid and went back to gym I know take it easy on the stomach had the lecture from others. I am lucky if you can call that but I am not on meds yet and trying my best to look after myself well not to pride myself but I look and feel better than ever before in my life.

I am 34 years old and still doing good. HAve written 180 poems so far and still counting with the hope to publish them in the near future. well anything esle you guys would like to know just ask.

Love, Peace to all

Angel

Andy Velez · « **Reply #1 on:** November 23, 2006, 08:40:26 am »

Hi Angel,

Welcome! It sounds like after the shock and some tears, you've hit the ground running and you're taking good care of yourself.

It's good to have learned some about you. You're always welcome here to ask questions or to talk about anything that's on your mind.

Cheers,

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #2 on:** November 23, 2006, 08:47:52 am »

Thank you Andy I will. Must say I have dealt with the mayor shock of being diagnosed and made peace with what I do have and that is hiv and not be ashamed for having it. I must also state that if it was not for boards like this one I don't know if I would have handled it as good as I did.

Longislander · « **Reply #3 on:** November 23, 2006, 11:16:56 am »

Hi Angel,
I'm gald you found your way. You're doing great with this, alot better than I did! I'm hoping your story will inspire me to get back to the gym. Maybe tomorrow, because today is Thanksgiving here, and we eat like pigs today!
Paul

AtomicA · « **Reply #4 on:** November 23, 2006, 04:56:04 pm »

Hey Angel, I know exactly how you feel. When my STD doc walked into the exam room to tell me my results he opened with "So do you want the good news or the bad news?". That's when I started wondering why the floor was shaking and oh wait, how and when did I sit down on this chair?

Keep up with the gym, I did the same thing and to be honest 2 years in I look better than I ever have in my life. Not only do you feel a hell of alot better physically, looking hot has a marvelous way of combatting the feelings of self deprication, disgust and plague that seem to haunt the first year.

As for your sister taking it upon herself to tell your family... people who care about you never do that kind of stuff out of malice, in fact they usually think they're doing you a favor. It's also true that hearing a loved one has HIV can be just as devastating, especially if they don't have as much education as someone who's been around it for a while. The need to talk about it is just as strong in your family members as it probably is in you and sometimes the people you tell need to talk to someone other than you about how they are feeling. I know I had several friends who told people that I would rather have not known because they didn't want to add to my stress by burdening me with their fears/saddness/anger. Hopefully you can forgive your sisters for their indescretion because as much as this is happening to you, you're all dealing with it together. However, a polite but firmly worded conversation on trust, boundaries and what is and is not accetable might be appropriate. Your HIV status becoming the fodder of gossip and behind your back whispers can do SO much more damage than they probably realize and if you could make them understand that they might be less inclined to share your medical details with the world. Casually mentioning to a common friend that you just bought a new house or that you had the flu last week isn't so big of a deal, so it's hard sometimes for people to draw the line.

Just remember that the bigger the news, the harder it is for someone to keep it a secret, no matter what their intentions. If I could do one thing different in this whole experience it would have been excercise much more restraint in who I chose to share the info with. I only told 4 people at first and two weeks later I had a friend who had been on a 4 month trek to central america call me from San Pedrasula, Honduras to ask me if it was true - the route it took to get to him was 9 people long and I only knew 2 of them. Word travels fast!

keep us updated!

RevMC · « **Reply #5 on:** November 23, 2006, 05:24:00 pm »

When I found out 18 years ago that I was poz. I had just broken up with someone who, 6 months earlier I had moved 1,000 miles to be with. I was alone, in a fairly new city and state without only a handful of friends that I recently just made.

I found out at an emergency room after I had some dizzy spells and visual problems. Was having a visual migrane and didn't know it. I remember asking if it could be HIV, doc said they didn't think so, so I got tested anyway. Got the phone call to come in, and when the doc told me I said "OK what do I do now?"

I told my mom on the phone when I knew she had company at the house. She told everyone that I told her I had cancer. It wasn't until almost 1 year later did she finally tell them the truth. She was very supportive of me from the beginning, charged her credit cards to the max so she could fly up to see me. My brother forbade my neices from hugging or touching me, they were about 4 years old. He even threw out the dishes in front of me and a house full of people right after christmas dinner one year. Thought they would catch it from the dishes I used.

All these years later, we're finally getting closer. He's realised that he was stupid and nieve.

I work in a hairsalon, people assume I'm gay and my co-workers know that my other half is seriously sick with AIDS. Some have asked me if I have the same thing as Louie does. I tell them that in a way yes, I do. I'm HIV+, healthy still after 18 years and not on meds. They are 100% supportive, even the owner of the salon is supportive. Though here in Florida I have no rights, like many other places, they have told me that they would allow me to take the Family Leave Act if I needed to so that I can take care of Louie.

Things are changing, slowly, and in some places in the world, unfortunately not changing at all. Hang in there, do your best and try not to worry so much what other people are saying. Sooner or later, through who you are, you will start to change people's views about people with HIV.

We are all here for you. I keep counting, though at first it was months, now it's years. Here's to many, many more months and years for you as well.

Love and Light,

Rev. Michael

Eldon · « **Reply #6 on:** November 23, 2006, 07:15:38 pm »

Hey Angel,

It is unfortunate that you have tested positive for HIV. However, it is good that you DO know rather than not knowing. In fact, knowing is half of the battle. You have already prepared yourself mentally to take the proper action with your health and to take care of you.

Let me continue to share with you as I smile with all of this positive energy flowing through me...

I DO admire and agree as well with you that your Spirituality as well as your Universal Positive Energy has a lot to DO with your current attitude towards this life and the clarity of your vision for your life down the path that you are walking on on your journey in this life.

Through meditation, it centers your inner self which is ultimately the Navigator or Guiding mechanism through our higher consciousness in this life. In fact, it maintains that proper balance with your inner anxieties and such.

It is also an admirable fact that you write poetry. Poetry is an intensified set of words of expression. Through these insightful writtings, they provide a positive effect on ones inner self. I also extend my BEST wishes to you that you will get them published.

It truly is yet another rewarding experience to have met such a person as yourself and others too. Through our interaction, it increases our nurturing of our inner self, the soul.

Through this very forum, it has touched my life in so many ways just as yourself. There are some that do not even realize just how much I do care. In fact, it has intensified my caring for others in this life.

I wish to extend to you a WARM WELCOME here at the AM forums. Here you will find the encouragement, communication, understanding, support, some cries, some laughter, and many of your questions relating to HIV/AIDS answered.

We have a great group of Real People who will listen as well as answer you. We are here to encourage one another and to learn from each other.

Implementing a Positive Mental Attitude will also assist you on your journey in this life as well as having a Positive Impact on your immune system.

In fact, through your Positive Mental Attitude, it will help you push forward through all of the obstacles on your path that you are now walking on.

Talking to other people helps us see that we are not the only ones with problems. Feel free to come and vent with whatever is on your mind from time-to-time as it is highly Therapeutic.

In the interim, you may want to start taking a multi-vitamin, Omega 3 and eat a diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, and low-fat dairy and avoid processed foods, saturated and trans fats. This will also help you maintain a healthy weight.

Exercise at least three times per week for a minimum of 30 minutes. You got this covered.

Make the BEST of each and every Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #7 on:** November 24, 2006, 12:25:43 am »

Thank you so much for the kind and warm words. I don't know how to explain the way I feel today it is awesum yes the meditation has made a hell of a difference in my life and must say I have never felt so relaxed and confident about myself as to the last few months of my life.

I have been going for interviews the last few days and it is so funny how at ease and comfortable I am with myself and you look at people and wonder how many are positive and they don;t even know that they are and here I am and it is amazing that one can not tell the face of hiv and i see I am going to have so much fun with my new life the new me. It is awesum being positive I must say it has changed something in me I can not explain to anybody. Fit fabulous and sexy that is how I feel and one are more selective to who one concider as friends.

God bless and peace and love to all

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #8 on:** November 24, 2006, 12:28:08 am »

Here is one of my poems that i have written

You take it all

My pain and heartache
Is not being overlooked
Neither the sins
Of my everyday passing
I was created with love
Infinite beauty
By the Creator of heaven and earth

My days of darkness,
Has come to and end
Of disbelieve and greed
Materialism was never to be seen
For what we have
Is of mere illusions of the mind
And believe

The white light was sent to me
To show me my purpose in life
I might not make a difference to some
But I will touch and reach
The lives of many

My God and His Son
Will help me through it all
My disbelieve will be a fragment
To what was
You my God
You take it all

Eldon · « **Reply #9 on:** November 24, 2006, 12:39:15 am »

Hey Angel,

Now that is a prime example of a "Purpose Driven Life." That is awesome!

Make the BEST of each Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #10 on:** November 24, 2006, 12:43:24 am »

Here is another one

Angel

Search your soul and your heart
Finding true meaning and depth
To whom you are
Climbing the highest mountain in your life
Searching for the ultimate purpose
Of your life

Roaming over planes of heartache and pain
Soaring thru clouds of joy and happiness
Finding emotions of goodwill,
Power of love,
Meaning to oneself

The journey is far from over
I have discovered another part
Of my being that has a hunger,
For growth in more ways than one

Developing a mind and body of spiritual endeavors,
Well-being
Searching for the child within
My soul
Being play full and radiating a smile
In my minds eye
The search is on again

This Angel has risen from his ashes
And taking flight beyond my limitations

Eldon · « **Reply #11 on:** November 24, 2006, 01:07:42 am »

Hey Angel,

Truly, truly, truly, EMPOWERING.

The Angel has arisen from the ashes in which it has laid!

Make the BEST of each Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #12 on:** November 24, 2006, 02:10:51 am »

Thank you Eldon much appreciated I will send some on your yahoo e-mail

Eldon · « **Reply #13 on:** November 24, 2006, 02:13:19 am »

Hey Angel,

Now, that is awesome! Thanks.

Make the BEST of each Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #14 on:** November 24, 2006, 02:27:00 am »

Pleasure is mine you are truely a wonderful person to know.

Yours always

Ronnie

Eldon · « **Reply #15 on:** November 24, 2006, 02:29:15 am »

Hey Angel,

Likewise my friend. It is GOOD to have met you.

Make the BEST of each Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #16 on:** November 24, 2006, 02:32:20 am »

Like wise.

Much love

Eldon · « **Reply #17 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:11:26 am »

Hey Angel,

Unconditional Love from within.

Make the BEST of each Day!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #18 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:14:47 am »

Big time Eldon I don't know how to explain how i am feeling my hands just types the words

Eldon · « **Reply #19 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:27:15 am »

Same here Ronnie...Sigh...

Enhance your life with what you have learned, it has made you even stronger than you realize!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #20 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:31:31 am »

It feels like my whole body is glowing from within out like a torch

Eldon · « **Reply #21 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:37:31 am »

I feel the same intense ,warm, powerful, positive, overwhelming, passionate energy that is running through me right now as well.

This is beyond BEST.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #22 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:44:13 am »

It is like being next to you up close and feeling your breath on my face wow this is truely an experience of note.

Two bodies one in mind spirit and soul
God but this is so beautiful

Eldon · « **Reply #23 on:** November 24, 2006, 04:52:51 am »

There IS Something About You Deep Inside

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7Og2Nd7zBw

and I can't explain...It takes my breath away.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #24 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:00:01 am »

Stomach has one enormous hole of excitement yet explosion

Eldon · « **Reply #25 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:09:28 am »

My well is not empty...

My well is not half full..

My well is running over...

In fact, the Dam just broke! What a metaphor!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #26 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:12:01 am »

this one is for you boy you are good

Hold me

Hold me, hold me just one more time
Before I go
Hold me, hold me before the night is over
And day sets in
Hold me, hold me in the morning when my eyes
Open and your face be the first picture
I see
Hold me, hold me when my days seem to be
Too long and endless
Hold me, hold me in your arms as my tears
Roll down my cheek of missing your presence
Around me
Hold me, hold me through the days,
When all seem well and days filled with happiness
Hold me, hold me before the day comes
To an end the sun sets and my heart
Comes to rest from another day spent
Without you
Hold me, hold me close to you as we lay
Our heads down to sleep and once again
When our bodies, minds and souls become one
Hold me, please just hold me and make me
Feel safe from harms way
Hold me, please hold me just one more time
Before you go.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #27 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:13:35 am »

I am touching my face and it is like it is someone else touching my face and I dont feel my breatch on my hand

Eldon · « **Reply #28 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:19:36 am »

In This Life, it is all about experience.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #29 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:25:40 am »

My hands is not mine I dont feel them on my face it is yours for sure but an out of this world experience

Eldon · « **Reply #30 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:32:59 am »

I am at a loss for words right now...

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #31 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:35:55 am »

I can not explain this feeling either the warmth on my face is a glowing warmth

Eldon · « **Reply #32 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:38:43 am »

Let the positive, healing energies flow through you.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #33 on:** November 24, 2006, 05:46:38 am »

I am you are the most spectacular person I have ever met in my entire life

Eldon · « **Reply #34 on:** November 24, 2006, 08:02:01 pm »

Thankyou.

Eldon · « **Reply #35 on:** November 27, 2006, 03:29:05 am »

Hey Angel,

That goes the same for you too.

Each Day A New Experience Awaits Us!

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #36 on:** November 27, 2006, 06:08:24 am »

You are an awesome person to know and you have a way that makes me totaly appreciative to know you Eldon though we are miles apart.

Sillo · « **Reply #37 on:** November 27, 2006, 10:50:06 am »

Hi Angel,

I am a South African,gay and negative,however my boyfriend is positive and we have been together for alomost 9 years...i was scare when i found out but now now i am fine and i love him to beats.....i am glad that you have apositive outlook towards your life.

Ta

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #38 on:** November 28, 2006, 02:42:21 am »

Sillo one must do what works for them yes it is not easy dealing with this on your own but you get use to it I have and decided that I will not give in to this I will fight this virus as long as i can

Eldon · « **Reply #39 on:** November 28, 2006, 03:08:31 am »

Hi Sillo,

In this matter, you will want to remain "strong" and to continue to have a "positive mental attitude", and to be as proactive as you can through your efforts of unconditional support.

Make the BEST of each Day!

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Author Topic: Six months and counting (Read 11115 times)