The "Be Disease Free" demand

[jkinatl2]

Sure, we all have a right to be picky. The stupidity of it all, however, is that some guys will just take your word for it. I think they assume HIV+ will be skinny and with rashes all over their bodies. If you look healthy and say "No, I'm negative just like you", he'll go "Ok, let's do it".

I was thoroughly chastised a few years ago by someone I met online - for disclosing. He told me I looked perfectly fine and that as "long as I can pass" I shouldn't put it out there.

Not sure whether the guy chastising me was positive or negative.

[mecch]

Sure, we all have a right to be picky. The stupidity of it all, however, is that some guys will just take your word for it. I think they assume HIV+ will be skinny and with rashes all over their bodies. If you look healthy and say "No, I'm negative just like you", he'll go "Ok, let's do it".

Well your logic in this sentence is that some HIV+ people lie when asked this question. 

But, my point in saying my sentence you quote, is that plenty of  HIV- guys want to screw SAFESEX with HIV- negative guys. 

We agree however that the risk is when HIV- guys serosort for the purpose of barebacking and the chance is someone is no longer HIV-, but doesn't know it. 

Please be careful of turning these discussions around into creating that old stereotype of the AIDS MONSTER AIDS SPREADER.

[Jeff G]

I was thoroughly chastised a few years ago by someone I met online - for disclosing. He told me I looked perfectly fine and that as "long as I can pass" I shouldn't put it out there.

Not sure whether the guy chastising me was positive or negative.

That happened to me once in a bar ... While I was disclosing a guy actually stopped me and told me he always has safe sex but now that I told him I was poz I had ruined it for him because he didn't need to know it . I was so turned off by his attitude I couldn't have cared less .

[Rockin]

Forgive me if this article has already be posted. I thought it was kind of interesting.

http://gawker.com/5935651/please-dont-infect-me-im-sorry

I never read that...very interesting article. Maybe you should create a thread about it, it's highly controversial.

And yet, even more interesting, it leads to this article, which relates to another tread from Living With...

Oral Panic: CDC Says Teens Think Oral Sex is Safe, Getting Lots of STDs as a Result
http://gawker.com/5935323/oral-panic-cdc-says-teens-think-oral-sex-is-safe-getting-lots-of-stds-as-a-result

[Rockin]

Well your logic in this sentence is that some HIV+ people lie when asked this question. 

But, my point in saying my sentence you quote, is that plenty of  HIV- guys want to screw SAFESEX with HIV- negative guys. 

We agree however that the risk is when HIV- guys serosort for the purpose of barebacking and the chance is someone is no longer HIV-, but doesn't know it. 

Please be careful of turning these discussions around into creating that old stereotype of the AIDS MONSTER AIDS SPREADER.

I know Mecch but trust me...back when I was negative no one ever asked me for a blood test. It's not even a case of someone lying, is a case of someone who might not know. Some friends of mine say "I get tested every six months" and I always think that's bullshit...some might actually do this but not the majority...gettin tested is such a nightmare, even if you are sure you have been playing it safe. So a lot of people don't even bother and remain in oblivion until they come down with pneumonia.

So the guy say "No, I'm negative" and he might not know his status. I just think it's a stupid demand to put out there for online cruising because no one is asking any proof of it and you cannot trust someone you met online for sex. That's what's stupid.

[mecch]

Its a stupid criteria for serosorting for the purposes of bareback sex with new people who you know nothing about, including who and how they screwed 3 weeks ago!

I thought you were saying in your one scenario that the HIV+ person "lies".  I must have misunderstood.

[Rockin]

Its a stupid criteria for serosorting for the purposes of bareback sex with new people who you know nothing about, including who and how they screwed 3 weeks ago!

I thought you were saying in your one scenario that the HIV+ person "lies".  I must have misunderstood.

Not necessarily for bareback sex. They still want to have safe sex. As I said earlier, maybe their biggest scare is not anal sex (as they will use condoms) but oral sex. Who knows? You try to apply logic into it and you'll get frustrated.

[GSOgymrat]

You try to apply logic into it and you'll get frustrated.

I think the reasoning is fairly uncomplicated: people don't want to have sex with people who know they have a disease if they can help it. Their strategies are unsophisticated and flawed but their motivation is pretty simple and primal: have sex and avoid disease. Humans have evolved to avoid things that might make them sick and rationality only goes so far with most people. You can tell them you are healthy, you can tell them they are not going to be infected, you can cite studies and statistics but often there is still an aversion. For example, if you thoroughly cleaned a toilet, filled it with bottled water, dropped a slice of bacon into the water and then told someone to eat it many people wouldn't even though rationally there is no contamination. This is what we are dealing with. This aversion becomes markedly worse if you appear ill, such as having lipoatrophy, even though the risk of infection may be less than someone who appears to be in good health but actually has a high viral load because they are newly infected. I acknowledge that rejection sucks, that people online can be horribly rude and insensitive and that ignorance is frustrating but I find it helps to put people's fears into context and recognize that fears, particularly regarding disease and contamination, are not always rational.

[tednlou2]

I go on a certain hook up site now and then.  Not very often--honestly.  I suppose I go for the pics, but also fantasy.  Anyway, I put in my profile how silly the "DDF-UB2" and last test date was to me.  I'm talking especially about guys wanting to bareback. 

Since I'm not hooking up, I did not change my profile to say poz.  But, many assumed I was poz, because I said I found that way of thinking silly.  I found that interesting that so many would assume I'm poz, just because I said it was silly to think you're safe to bareback as long as the guy says they are safe.  And, it wasn't just guys who claim to be neg.  I've had poz guys message me, saying they like what I wrote and asked how long I've been poz. 

 

[Rockin]

I think the reasoning is fairly uncomplicated: people don't want to have sex with people who know they have a disease if they can help it. Their strategies are unsophisticated and flawed but their motivation is pretty simple and primal: have sex and avoid disease. Humans have evolved to avoid things that might make them sick and rationality only goes so far with most people. You can tell them you are healthy, you can tell them they are not going to be infected, you can cite studies and statistics but often there is still an aversion. For example, if you thoroughly cleaned a toilet, filled it with bottled water, dropped a slice of bacon into the water and then told someone to eat it many people wouldn't even though rationally there is no contamination. This is what we are dealing with. This aversion becomes markedly worse if you appear ill, such as having lipoatrophy, even though the risk of infection may be less than someone who appears to be in good health but actually has a high viral load because they are newly infected. I acknowledge that rejection sucks, that people online can be horribly rude and insensitive and that ignorance is frustrating but I find it helps to put people's fears into context and recognize that fears, particularly regarding disease and contamination, are not always rational.

I understand the fear completely, I was just making fun of someone feeling "at ease" to have sex just because the other said "No, i'm disease free" without showing any proof. 

Maybe that truly is an American or European thing, in Brazil no one asks you if you are "disease free" before having sex. We just pick a condom and that's it.

[Rockin]

I found that interesting that so many would assume I'm poz, just because I said it was silly to think you're safe to bareback as long as the guy says they are safe.  And, it wasn't just guys who claim to be neg.  I've had poz guys message me, saying they like what I wrote and asked how long I've been poz. 

 

Stupid people are the vast majority of this world, y'know? We are always bumping into them. And I say this with authority because I never acted liked this when I was negative.