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Author Topic: Caregiver for Elderly Parent and Have HIV/AIDS  (Read 5620 times)

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Offline MarkintheDark

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Caregiver for Elderly Parent and Have HIV/AIDS
« on: December 25, 2018, 10:57:47 pm »
I need some feedback.

Some of you might recall my mom had an MI in August and when she was discharged to home, I became a full-time caregiver while I tried to convince her church ladies to help out.  She has moderate dementia.  I become responsible for her scripts, medical appointments, etc., while trying to complete the legals she's neglected (like her DPOA). 

I warned people I was becoming so exhausted I could end up hospitalized...and that's what happened just over a month later (due to a rhinovirus from her that exacerbated my COPD).  Clinically, I was knocked back to AIDS again.  Took me a couple months to fully recover, save my numbers, even as it became necessary for me to assume control of her legals and financials while I was still in bed.  I did hire a home aide to visit a few times a week...along with a couple of those church ladies (who are now fed up with her cray-cray).

That shit's finally done, but I'm fried...again.  I've been cautioned by my medical support already, despite having delegated her day-to-day care, having shopped for and arranged for her admittance to assisted living.  Her dementia is worse and, for my survival, I avoid dealing with her if possible.  I handle the business end.  She doesn't like it, but I'll be damned if I'll risk another hospital stay.

I just have to hang on a couple more weeks.  I've drawn clear boundaries on what I will and will not do.  I'm NOT her maid, handyman, nurse, therapist, etc.  I've put my priorities, medical and psychological, first and over some others' objections (who assume I'm healthy).  I say "no" A LOT these days.  I got her legals and financials straightened out.  I still face selling her car and disposing of her apartment's contents before the 15th.

Anyone been in a similar situation?
HIV dx - 02/93
AIDS dx - 07/01
Rilpivirine/Cabotegravir guinea pig since 01/17

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Caregiver for Elderly Parent and Have HIV/AIDS
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2018, 02:45:26 pm »

Will PM you a longer message tomorrow morning.
But in short having clear boundaries is important, you can't care for someone if it burns you out and as selfish as it sounds you do need to live your own life.

Anyhow, quick post to say look after yourself and don't feel guilty about setting barriers and caring for yourself

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Offline MarkintheDark

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Re: Caregiver for Elderly Parent and Have HIV/AIDS
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2018, 06:11:20 pm »
Thx Jim.  In fact, there have been a few who "get it" and support my approach.  As for those who don't, I'm not quite as shy about putting on my beyotch face, if only that they'll think twice before crossing me.
HIV dx - 02/93
AIDS dx - 07/01
Rilpivirine/Cabotegravir guinea pig since 01/17


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