POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: GablesD on August 04, 2013, 12:32:41 pm
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Ok, I need some input here. I've been positive for 10 years but newly single for about 2 years. I don't know if I'm just shy about meeting others or afraid of the judgement I'll get when I reveal I'm poz. It has been WAY TOO LONG since I've been with another and the loneliness is deafening. I've tried meeting guys on this site but have been unsuccessful and don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 52, not bad looking but things have really changed on the dating scene since I've been part of it. I'm so afraid of hurting/possibly infecting another that I'm not even putting myself "out there" and I know I have to. I'm thinking of moving to Ft Lauderdale/Wilton Manors to become part of the "gay community" as I think that would help. I could REALLY use some advice....PLEASE.
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hi there,
indeed things have changed on the dating scene (internet, grindr ... ) Well if you do not feel comfortable with these "tools" ... do it "old fashion" : go out in bars and clubs, meet people that share the same passion as you do etc ... you'll see that there maybe someone looking exactly at the same as you do.
Concerning the possibility of infecting another guy : it won't happen if you play safe ... no matter what ... top or bottom ! So don't give yourself excuses for not being 110% that attractive guy you definitely are !
PS: you may invite me at your wedding ;)
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Im 50. Dating isn't as exciting nor as natural feeling as it was at 30.
But we have to work with what we got, with today, etc. Right?
"I'm so afraid of hurting/possibly infecting another that I'm not even putting myself "out there" and I know I have to."
You have to bury this. As I said I'm 50. In all those years I've been hurt by people, and unfortunately hurt other people, and for all sorts of "reasons" or "explanations" or mistakes, or fate, or whatever.
On the one hand, we can just chuck HIV into the gnarly grab-bag of excuses for being hurt or hurting. On the other hand, that sort of eliminates anything special about HIV. Its not THE deal-breaker of all deal-breakers. Is it? Its not inherently any reason to hurt or be hurt? Is it?
As for the fear of infecting others: is this something you believe is possible, intellectually? Or a sort of irrational feeling, fear?
Safe sex is out??
Are you on ART - undetectable?
What about dating other HIV+ people?
There are ways out of this focus on risk and danger.