Very worried. Need advice

[Robp666]

Hi Jim,

Hope you’re well. I am a male from Canada and need your advice, I’m very worried about HIV infection. My encounter was about 2 months ago with a female I met online. There was kissing and then she gave me oral (deep throat, unprotected) for about 5 minutes, I did not ejaculate because I realized what I was doing and stopped.

The next day, I had a cold sore on my lips. I get cold sores about once a year or so. Just curious why I would get one next day? Did she have a cold sore starting?

I suffer from balanatis on my foreskin (uncircumcised) and on the head of my penis. I was going through a flare up at the time (during my encounter).

16 days after the encounter I had muscle aches and headache for 3 days. I never get headaches. I thought it was covid so I tested, came back negative.

From reading a lot of your responses I realize that as a male, receiving oral is not really a risk however I just don’t understand my symptoms...they are so odd. I’ve become very depressed and I cannot shake this off. I do have high anxiety.

I keep thinking, what if she had 1) open sores inside her throat...from any type of STI? and/or 2) she just became hiv infected recently therefore having a high viral load making her much more able to transmit the virus...if she is in fact hiv+ which I do not know. Could you advise on these 2 points if the act is occurring in her throat where the virus is in the confines of her body...a possible open sore rubbing on my open sore...her lips sealed, no air ? Sorry I’m just very scared.

Lastly, is it 100% fact that there is absolutely no way, under no unusual circumstances that a man could ever become hiv infected from receiving oral?

Thank you very much for your help, knowledge and advice.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Receiving a blowjob is no HIV risk to you whatsoever.  Her having other STI's is not going to change this, it simply lacks all the conditions required for acquiring HIV and air and saliva are hostile towards HIV. Her lips being sealed don't change this either.

Thus it makes sense that after nearly 40 years of this pandemic in terms of BJ's there hasn’t been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked")

If this was your only sexual activity in life then HIV isn't an issue for you.

The next day, I had a cold sore on my lips. I get cold sores about once a year or so. Just curious why I would get one next day? Did she have a cold sore starting?

You got an outbreak because you are living with the herpes virus. Once you have it it's with you for life although sometimes dormant. She did not give it to you.

Here's what you need to know to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP as an additional layer of HIV protection going forward.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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[Robp666]

Thank you for the quick response Jim. You’ve helped me feel much better.

I’ve never had unprotected vaginal intercourse in my life except with my current long time girlfriend (together for 5 years). I still feel the guilt about what I’ve done but I’ll try to work through it as best I can. I’ve never tested for hiv before as I’ve never had reason to, but I was planning to test 13 weeks since my encounter. However, After your response I’m assuming I don’t need to test for HIV? I’ve just been pushing off intercourse with my girlfriend since the encounter....I don’t want to push it off anymore, I feel really bad but I just wanted to be on the safe side.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

No need to test for HIV over getting a blowjob as it's not an HIV risk to you. To put it another way, you did not acquire HIV from having your penis sucked that much is certain.

keep in mind that sexual contact that is safe in terms of HIV would still pose a risk for easier to acquire STI's, no panic needed but do test regularly.

Somewhat obvious about the GF though, if you do engage in condomless sex with your partner then you are obviously at risk. Often within relationships, condomless sex is based on trust or past test results, however, this does not prevent HIV and any condomless intercourse is accepting the greater risk of acquiring HIV.

If you do choose to engage in condomless intercourse, consider testing more frequently for HIV and easier to acquire STI's.

I’ve never tested for hiv before as I’ve never had reason to

Well, you are sexually active so that's reason enough to be testing at least yearly. Since you have never tested, now would be a good time to start

[Robp666]

Thanks again Jim and god bless you.

[Jim Allen]

you're welcome.