Is it normal to feel all alone

[andrew1027]

I tested positive June 28, 2009 after a bad year cause 2009 was not good to me in anyway shape or form.... I have gotten passed all that and now.... I am trying to understand my virus.... there are so many questions and emotions that I am going through.... I have people around yet I have never felt so alone in my life

[jkinatl2]

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

It's often said, but though I am sorry you HAD to find us, I am glad you did. This place is a repository of great information and wisdom. Some of the folks who post here regularly have been living with HIV for fifteen, twenty, even thirty years!

I suspect tha tmost of us have gone through feeling isolated and alone, and please feel free to talk about that here. Feel free to talk about anything here.

You aren't alone, you know. Not here

[leatherman]

I have people around yet I have never felt so alone in my life

one of the reasons I found AidsMeds (a loooong time ago when the forums ran on different software. gosh when was that? late 90s? early 2000s?) was because I felt so all alone. All of my friends had died of AIDS and so had my partner. I was afraid I was one of the last people left alive from having AIDS for so many decades. While I had plenty of people around, people who really loved and cared for me, none of them were positive, so I never felt like they really understood. I still felt alone. but the people here, far-flung though most of them are, understood. they understood my good days, my bad days, the f-ed up thoughts in my head, the troubles with meds, doctors, and "the system".

my suggestions to you then is just what Jonathan said, and like you are doing, post here. You might not get an immediate response; but trust me, people will come along and chat with you. Hopefully we'll help you not feel so alone.

so ask your questions. talk about your problems. we're here and we're listening.

[andrew1027]

Thank you Jkinatl2 and leatherman for your post.... I could go through my story but not sure if this is the right place to do that, but all that I have gone through I have been alone..... I am around family and supposed friends and I still feel like I am so alone.... I only found this forum by shear accident but I need to stay out of my head.... Leatherman I totally understand the F**-d thoughts .... I go through them everyday

[tednlou2]

Thank you Jkinatl2 and leatherman for your post.... I could go through my story but not sure if this is the right place to do that, but all that I have gone through I have been alone..... I am around family and supposed friends and I still feel like I am so alone.... I only found this forum by shear accident but I need to stay out of my head.... Leatherman I totally understand the F**-d thoughts .... I go through them everyday

First, I want to welcome you here.  Ok, this is the exact kind of place for you to share your story.  This is obviously an HIV site, but we discuss hurt we've experienced from loved ones, financial issues, and the list goes on.  These things are important to discuss, because they can and do affect how we deal with being poz.  And, we have fun in the Off Topic forum.  So, share anything you feel like sharing. 

I was dx'd in December 2008.  I was doing really well for several months; I think it was my mind's way of coping.  Around this exact same time in 2009, I was feeling down and alone.  That is when I found this site.  I knew of other poz folks in my city, but basically acquaintances.  It was good to form relationships (albeit online) with others who could relate.  At this point, I've become Facebook friends with several members and we talk there as well. 

I encourage you to share (get off your chest) anything that is weighing on you.  I mean, if you're ready.  And, maybe even if you're not ready.  I've found just writing thoughts out helps, even if no one responds.  But, you'll get responses.  Keep in touch.

Ted

[andrew1027]

Thank you Ted I will post in off topics.... I believe I am ready to tell the full story... I have done all the counseling that I could possibly do about it and I am in a place where I am good some days and bad others but I think that goes without saying with any of this that we all are going through..... I would love to have friends that could relate to me around where I live and on facebook..... If you want to add me on facebook please do my facebook is drew.crosby.54@facebook.com.... I am feeling promise from being on this site and I am glad I fell upon it

[Miss Philicia]

1) Andrew, you may not wish to publicly provide a link to your FB account on a forum as it is accessible via any search engine, depending on your views of HIV status being known by anyone.

2) I see from your profile that you live close to Philadelphia in the suburbs. You might avail yourself to come into the city and attend some support groups. There are many different kinds, some tailored towards age, race, etc. or just general drop in groups. Look into places like the Mazzoni Center on Locust St., Philadelphia Fight/Jonathan Lax Center also on Locust, or William Way LGBT Community Center on Spruce, ActionAIDS on Arch.

[andrew1027]

Thank you for being concerned but everyone knows about my status anyway..... It just I don't have people around me who actually understand what I am going through

[Chyna855]

Andrew
I felt the same way you do. I have friends and family but none of them understood what I was going through. I was playing around on the internet and found POZ and I read a lot of the post I needed help but I was scared to post because I am a transsexual after posting I got so much help that I am now back on meds and eating better I have no more thrush thanks to this form... I can speak for everyone else but if you ever need to talk send me a message.. Keep your head up and learn to start living life

Chyna

[mitch777]

Andrew,

I wish you a welcome too! You will find that there are truly beautiful people here. You are with the best of company.
I am looking forward to hearing more about you.

...sorry to get a bit off track here but I am so happy to read Chyna's comment.

It's nice to know that people care.

m.

[oksikoko]

I tested positive June 28, 2009 after a bad year cause 2009 was not good to me in anyway shape or form.... I have gotten passed all that and now.... I am trying to understand my virus.... there are so many questions and emotions that I am going through.... I have people around yet I have never felt so alone in my life

I know it's not what you mean but, for what it's worth, there are more than 1.2 million of us pozzies in the US and roughly 35 million worldwide. There are more of us than there are, say, Australians or Canadians. There may not be many "out" near you, but there's places like poz.com when you need support.

Being Canadian sounds lonely all of a sudden...

[andrew1027]

I live near the city of Philadelphia so there are probably a lot here as well.... I just don't know who the are nor are they in my circle of friends.... With this board I have a whole brand new and great circle of people and friends

[Miss Philicia]

Andrew, you have to be willing to do the work. A few posts down I gave you several places in Center City Philadelphia where you can locate support groups, many are geared towards people who are newly diagnosed.

Another good way to meet local HIV+ people is to volunteer for an organization that works with HIV+ issues. I can't recall if you said that you are straight or gay, but there are groups for both. Unlike many areas, I think half of new infections in Philly are heterosexual, and most non-injection drug use. It's actually one of the better cities in terms of resources (social as well as medical) for someone with HIV. But staying at home won't do you much good.

Using this forum is fine for now so make use of it, but be willing to step out of this comfort zone at some point soon. IIRC there are ~25,000 people with HIV in Philadelphia, and mind you that's only within city limits (population 1.5 million). The metro area is ~6million  so obviously the numbers are much higher. Statewide the number is more like 40,000 so it wouldn't surprise me if the Philly suburbs have 5-8000. The metro area includes southern New Jersey so it's difficult to get a full picture here, but I'd not be surprised if that number was an additional 10,000.

[andrew1027]

Miss Philicia, thank you, I do plan to step out of the comfort zone at a point.... I am just using this board to get the education that I should have already had and I am learning so much... I am finally not in the haze that I was.... I have learned about a new medicine that I want to try and I have called my infectious disease doctor and already put that into the works I go there on November 21st.....

[newt]

It's common but not obligatory to  feel alone. It's just a virus in the end, the rest is how people, including you, think about it. A period of adjustment is reasonable, but don't let it become the rest of your life.

- matt

[LiveWithIt]

I tested positive June 28, 2009 after a bad year cause 2009 was not good to me in anyway shape or form.... I have gotten passed all that and now.... I am trying to understand my virus.... there are so many questions and emotions that I am going through.... I have people around yet I have never felt so alone in my life

If there is a support group for HIV positive people in your area go there.  I felt alone the first 10 years I had HIV because I lived in an area that didn't have a big gay community which is why I moved to south Florida. 

[andrew1027]

I never said it was obligatory.... I just stated how I felt, because at the end of the day... I know I always have me... Yes it is nice to have other people there who can understand what I am going through but it is not necessary and if it was just the virus that was there but it is more than that.... I have had a hard way to go yes and I am sure there is someone out there with a worse story than myself and I can sympothesize with them but my story and all that I have been through is relivent to me

[Theyer]

Hi ,

Just wondering how things are going for you,
All the best
Michael