Tired of everything

[jinghua]

I always question myself

`Why is it so hard to find a guy to love me?'....WAIT...

The problem is `I do not go out at all! I basically live in a prison state of mind so afraid of finding a guy to come into my life to love me and cherish me...'

Then, I realized that `I'm hoping to be dug out from the ground!' maybe this is the reason why I couldn't see anyone at all because I'm too afraid to throw myself out there and scream `hey~ I'm here!!!! come to me!!'

I wonder how much longer I can live like this and pray to GOD to give me a guy?

Jing Hua

[jkinatl2]

Thing is, God won't give you a guy.

It's a better goal, in my opinion, to try to become the kind of guy you want. Guy, girl, person, whatever. Do you want someone riddled with despair and doubt? Do you want someone who lives like a prisoner? What then? Would you be prisoners together?

No, the things you are feeling are legitimate and important. You need to heal yourself, take this time to build yourself up, so that when you emerge from your self-imposed prison, you have something real to offer someone else. Something uplifting, something full of hope and passion and love.

If you don't love yourself, then how could you love someone else? If that love comes from an untrue place, then it's a lie. And you do not seem to me to be the lying type.

This time alone is important, PLEASE allow yourself the space and the time to heal.

You can, and if you allow yourself, you WILL have a fantastic life. There will be friends, amazing experiences, and yes - love. But it starts with you.

Waiting to be dug out of the ground is a risky thing to do. Even if someone is furiously above you somewhere digging, don't you feel that they deserve to be met halfway up? We start with our fingernails and teeth, but we can displace earth a gram at a time until a hand is free, then the other. And we dig.

That's what you need to do right now. And if you do, you will find that YOU are the champion, the hero, that you thought you were waiting for. Because when you find that guy, it's a certainty that ultimately they will need rescuing too. We all do.

I hope you can find strength in knowing that you are not fundamentally alone here.

[spacebarsux]

I always question myself

`Why is it so hard to find a guy to love me?'....WAIT...

The problem is `I do not go out at all! I basically live in a prison state of mind so afraid of finding a guy to come into my life to love me and cherish me...'

Allow yourself the time and space to recover and heal, Jinghua. Don’t go hard on yourself. When you begin to appreciate yourself again, when you love yourself, doubtless someone will do the same sooner or later.

Only the person who loves you most can dig you out of the ground, and that person is you.

Hugs.

[LiveWithIt]

Not only is it hard to find a guy it's also hard to find friends.  But the only way to do it is to go out and try to meet people.  No one is going to knock on your door looking for you.   I've been trying to make new friends in hopes that thru them or going out to bars of other places I will meet someone. 

[buginme2]

If you don't love yourself, then how could you love someone else?

Can I gey an Amen? (Were you channeling RuPaul?)

Livewithit-is also right no one is going to cone and knock on your door asking you to be their boyfried.

You need to WORK at it.  Finding a relationship takes effort and once you find one, keeping it going takes even more effort.  Its work (its awesome work, but its still work)

Relationships dont just happen

[weasel]

    Hello Jing Hua  ,

                            I hope you are taking some of this good  advice  that has been offered ,
 Life goes on and it's a one way ticket . 
   try to find things that are fun to do and that will bring you near people .

    I  love people so I just go places where i will find people I have something
  in common with , Car shows , Construction stores , Try whatever it is you
 enjoy . 
  Having been volunteering lately I have met lots of new people 

   It is good to get out and be happy . Most of the people I know are neither gay nor men or are  HIV POZ , But they are live people that make me feel good to talk with .

  I hope to hear good news from you 

                                                          Weasel 
 

[mecch]

I always question myself

`Why is it so hard to find a guy to love me?'....WAIT...

The problem is `I do not go out at all! I basically live in a prison state of mind so afraid of finding a guy to come into my life to love me and cherish me...'

Then, I realized that `I'm hoping to be dug out from the ground!' maybe this is the reason why I couldn't see anyone at all because I'm too afraid to throw myself out there and scream `hey~ I'm here!!!! come to me!!'

I wonder how much longer I can live like this and pray to GOD to give me a guy?

Jing Hua

Lighten up.  You gotta work that booty or you'll never get jack squat. Have you ever had a boyfriend?

[noregrets]

Jing Hua,

Others in this thread have given some great advice.  Like you, I've felt like this at times too (more often than I'd like to admit).  It sounds a bit cliche, but really the best thing you can do is work on YOU before you can expect to find someone that wants to be with you.

Good luck & hang in there.   

[BT65]

Lighten up.  You gotta work that booty or you'll never get jack squat. Have you ever had a boyfriend?

WTF? 

[jinghua]

Dear All,

I feel so grateful by receiving these encouragement~~~ I'll start to alter my life and try to be a better and happy person~

Of course, it takes time and hopefully, I will be able to do it step by step~

Love,

Jing Hua

[mecch]

Try not to think of the challenge as you having to radically change who you are. 

Lonely people don't have to be "better" in order to have friends or love interests. The same goes with sad people. Its not as if pretending to be happy is the solution. 

The important thing is a shift in the way you view yourself, and your social life and love life.  Rather than thinking you are an exception, and something radical has to change, the things that need to change are smaller. 

If someone is lonely, then social contacts have to be made, and maintained.  This is harder for some to do than for others, true!  But for the people il at ease socially, they still will have to play the social gama a bit in order to have a social life or friends.  They don't need to be "better" or "happy".  The action is rather - to be more social!

The same with sex and love.  Nobody needs to be better or happy to deserve love.  Its not like there is rule book somewhere, or a judge, and you make yourself "better" or "happy" and the love door opens.   

Rather, its more baby steps, small steps, little adjustments.  Asking people out on dates, or accepting dates when someone asks you.  Not being a narcissist on the date, watchig the signals of the other, trying to please the other, trying to have a good evening where people go home content and wanting more.  Thats a minisummary of how relationships finally work.   Flawed idiosyncratic people meet each other, find a workable match, and go about making the time together rather more nice, than unpleasant.   So you don't have to be a "better person" or a "happy person" you just have to say "yes" to the give and take with another person that fits you, somehow.