Positive guy...

[hbury2010]

Hey guys

I recently started a relationship with a guy who is HIV+. He's been on meds for a while and has an undetectable viral load. I'm also a guy.

Anyway, I like him, and we've been very careful, but I just wanted some extra guidance about transmission. Our sex life is basically just mutual masturbation and kissing and frottage etc, which is great. And usually, I wouldn't even think twice about any of this being a risk if I didn't know the guy's status, but somehow because I know he's positive, I'm freaking out.

Is it ok for us to carry on doing what we're doing, and am I putting myself at risk? I'm always conscious about where he cums, but I can't rule out the possibility that there's been pre-cum on his hands, or maybe even a bit of cum, when he's been touching me and my cock.

Again, I also wouldn't have been so freaked out if I hadn't started feeling a bit crappy for a day or two a few weeks after we started messing around - I was really tired and my glands were up.

Anyway, any advice greatly appreciated. Should I be thinking about testing?

[Ann]

hbury,

It doesn't matter if he has cum on his hands when he touches you - even if he touches your penis - because hiv simply is NOT transmitted in that way. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that is primarily transmitted INSIDE the human body, as in unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse where the virus never leaves the confines of the two bodies.

Nothing you've been doing has been a risk for hiv infection. Just make sure you use condoms for anal intercourse and you'll be well protected against hiv. It really is that simple.

And by the way, his being undetectable means that it would be unusual for him to infect you if something like a broken condom happened when you were bottoming.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[hbury2010]

Thanks Ann. I'm not one of those paranoid obsessive types particularly, but I just remember someone telling me that my cock head is a mucous membrane that HIV can pass through and infect me. That's the basis of my concern really.

If this isn't the case, then I'll be reassured and will go away!

[Ann]

hbury,

The areas of the penis where transmission can take place are the urethra (the opening where you pee/cum through) and if you are uncut, the inner surface of the foreskin (the bit that is hidden when the penis is relaxed and the foreskin covers the head of the penis). The head itself isn't a mucus membrane.

Ann

[hbury2010]

Thanks Ann. I have some more questions:

1. Oral sex. So, we're thinking about maybe moving it on a bit, and I was wondering what your take was on oral sex and transmission? The information on this is sooo confusing - some people say v low risk, others say not so low risk. Argh!

2. I'm uncut, so the bit you mentioned in your post below about transmission and uncut foreskin concerns me somewhat... Do you mean to say that if any of his cum or precum got onto my foreskin during a masturbation sesh, that I'm at risk? :S

Am gonna wait for another few weeks to get tested... and am freaking out... And he's so calm about it!

[Ann]

h,

As long as you have normal oral health, oral isn't a problem as saliva contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. Giving blowjobs with meth mouth isn't recommended.

Being uncut just makes you more susceptible to hiv infection if you engage in unprotected insertive anal or vaginal intercourse. Sexually speaking, successful hiv infection occurs INSIDE the body, when the virus never leaves the confines of the two bodies. Getting his cum on your dick during mutual masturbation isn't a risk.

Ann

[hbury2010]

Thanks Ann. I won't even ask what meth mouth is...

[hbury2010]

What role does genital herpes play in HIV infection outside the body? If you have herpes but are asymptomatic at that time?

[Ann]

h, 

It doesn't play any role.

Ann