Sex with HIV+ Man. Worried! Risk?!

[worried2012]

I am extremely worried about a possible HIV exposure.Thanks in advance for your help!! On Saturday, December 3rd I had "safer" sex with a guy. We went out tonight - Tuesday, December 6 - and he told me that he is HIV+! I am angry that he told me three days AFTER our encounter and moreso because I am way outside the PEP window now. Can you please assess my risk??

WHAT I DID:

- Moderate French kissing for five minutes
- Gave a blowjob for one minute (no precum, no ejaculation)
- Received a blowjob for three minutes (no ejaculation)
- Frottage/mutual masturbation (ejaculation)

MY STATS:

- No previous STDs per August bloodwork. No sexual encounters up until now.

HIS STATS:

- Diagnosed one year ago. Has not started HIV meds. CD4 approximately 500. Assigned to a specialist at a major clinic.     

[Ann]

Worried,

You don't need PEP because nothing you did - or had done to you - was a risk for hiv infection. Sexually speaking, the only proven risks are unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You didn't have intercourse.

You need to assume EVERYONE you have intimate encounters with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly. That means condoms for intercourse, every time, no exceptions.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER ANYTHING IN THAT ENCOUNTER, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[jkinatl2]

Just wanted to chime in and agree with Ann. Also, to suggest that you assume every partner is HIV positive and protect yourself accordingly. That way there won't be this anger, because you will not be behaving differently towards HIV negative partners then HIV positive ones.

[Ann]

Worried,

Jonathan is absolutely right. You can't go by what people tell you about their hiv status, or how they look or what they do for a living or whatever. Many people do not accurately know their hiv status and sometimes people lie.

The stigma and discrimination that surrounds hiv is a powerful motivator for people to keep their mouth shut when it comes to admitting they are poz. Please don't add to the discrimination - I hope you've not been nasty to this guy. He's a human being just like you. He just happens to have a virus, one that using condoms will protect you against.

Like Jonathan says, you need to assume that ANYONE you are intimate with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly. It's really simple - just use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection - and other STIs as well.

Ann

[worried2012]

Ann and Jonathan - Thank you for your helpful comments! I wasn't mean with the guy after he disclosed his positive status. We have continued to speak since then. I definitely told him I was angry though. I was taken advantage of!!   

I understand the fact that POZ people face stigma/discrimination. My brother has done pro bono legal work for HIV+ clients. If the guy had he been upfront with me, this whole SNAFU could have been avoided.

Unfortunately, I am still a bit worried about the "theoretical" risk of infection via oral sex. Yesterday, I took a OraQuick Rapid HIV test to re-confirm my current negative status. I also got a flu shot to reduce the chance I confuse symptoms for ARS.

Here's the problem: In 6 weeks, I will be on an extended business trip in South Asia. Where can I find a confidential/English rapid HIV test over there?? 

[Ann]

worried,

You can look for clinics in Asia by searching the database at aidsmap.com's e-atlas.

Unless you have absolutely horrible oral health and his viral load is sky-high (which I doubt as he would have been put on meds if it was high), there's no way you're going to be infected by a one minute blowjob with no precum and no ejaculation. No way. And him sucking you is not a risk at all.

Are you aware that there have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. Not all of the poz people in these studies were on meds with an undetectable viral load.

I understand you are angry over not being given information that may have changed your mind about what activities you participated in, but he did not put you at risk. His positive status should not have changed anything you did. I hope you remain friends. In fact, there's a very good chance that there are other positive people in your life that you don't know about. Many people are very closeted about their status. More importantly, many people do not even know they're poz. Please encourage the people in your life to test regularly. Thanks!

Ann