Advice about Grindr (and similar apps)

[90024male]

I'll soon be fully vaccinated against Covid (to the extent possible), and I'm thinking that I might then start hooking up again on Grindr occasionally. In the past, I haven't put my HIV status in my profile, although I've never lied when asked, and I'm undetectable and always use condoms.

Anyway, I'm thinking about posting my HIV status on Grindr, but I'm worried that will make it nearly impossible to meet someone to hook up with, especially since it was already hard enough for me. (I live next to a university, so most of the local guys are younger while I'm in my mid-50s, and most of them aren't into that big of an age gap.) Further complicating the situation is that I would prefer to continue using condoms, but it seems most HIV+ guys (and many younger guys) are only into bareback.

I would appreciate any advice and/or experiences being out about my status on Grindr. I'm also open to suggestions regarding other apps and/or websites that are better suited to HIV+ guys (for hookups, friends, and/or dating).

[Isma95]

Hello!

I am a 25 year old guy from Spain, living in the largest city of my country (maybe my situation is not comparable to other countries or generations).

I decided to post my HIV status on my grindr profile about a year ago. To be honest most of the people I chat with do not seem to care at all, but there are a few guys who ask a lot of questions about it. I’d say some of them are just curious, others are HIV+ guys who ask me why I decided to disclose it and every now and then there are guys who have recently been diagnosed and ask you questions about what it is like to live with it.

Some weird guys are turned on by the idea of having sex with someone who is HIV+ and others assume that because you post it you are willing to engage in unprotected sex which is not my case. However, I’d say this is not as common.

There have also been a couple times when I experienced bad reactions (rude people) but this is not usual. Maybe some guys decide not to chat with me because of it, but my perception is that I get more or less the same response/success rate than I used to before posting it.

So, it didn’t really change much, other than some people asking questions, which is good when it has helped other people be able to get more information about HIV.

Hope my answer was helpful!

[PozChilean]

I'll soon be fully vaccinated against Covid (to the extent possible), and I'm thinking that I might then start hooking up again on Grindr occasionally. In the past, I haven't put my HIV status in my profile, although I've never lied when asked, and I'm undetectable and always use condoms.

Anyway, I'm thinking about posting my HIV status on Grindr, but I'm worried that will make it nearly impossible to meet someone to hook up with, especially since it was already hard enough for me. (I live next to a university, so most of the local guys are younger while I'm in my mid-50s, and most of them aren't into that big of an age gap.) Further complicating the situation is that I would prefer to continue using condoms, but it seems most HIV+ guys (and many younger guys) are only into bareback.

I would appreciate any advice and/or experiences being out about my status on Grindr. I'm also open to suggestions regarding other apps and/or websites that are better suited to HIV+ guys (for hookups, friends, and/or dating).

Have you asked yourself why is it that you want to disclose your status for a one-night stand with protection? Is there anything you are looking to gain from it?

(Just trying to understand your POV)

[harleymc]

In the jurisdiction I live in, it is mandatory to pre-inform sexual partners. I don't know where the OP is posting from but it may also be the case where he is.

It also begs the question 'Why would anyone want to not disclose?'

[PozChilean]

In the jurisdiction I live in, it is mandatory to pre-inform sexual partners. I don't know where the OP is posting from but it may also be the case where he is.

It also begs the question 'Why would anyone want to not disclose?'

Playing devil's advocate here: To avoid potential rejection despite being undetectable/having protected sex.

[leatherman]

Playing devil's advocate here: To avoid potential rejection despite being undetectable/having protected sex.

Playing a different devil's advocate here: if someone rejects a PLWH out of hand for being positive and undetectable/having protected sex, then isn't it better to find out sooner than later? Any possible rejection and  heartbreak would be less (since you have little to nothing invested in the "relationship") and you could move on to the next partner or the rest of your life a lot sooner with less trouble 

[PozChilean]

Playing a different devil's advocate here: if someone rejects a PLWH out of hand for being positive and undetectable/having protected sex, then isn't it better to find out sooner than later? Any possible rejection and  heartbreak would be less (since you have little to nothing invested in the "relationship") and you could move on to the next partner or the rest of your life a lot sooner with less trouble 

I agree with you, but we're not talking about love here; OP mentioned using Grindr for hookups, not for anything more meaningful than a one-night stand. That's why I was trying to understand where they're coming from.

[harleymc]

By not disclosing, your Will never knowingly meet anyone with the dame serostatus as yourself. A perfecto lose lose situation.