POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: dad1216 on July 23, 2006, 12:30:22 pm
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"Your CD4 has dropped Bob.......yea doc, did I hit 50 again.....no, it's 8" I cant get that out of my head. I just got home from being in the hospital for a week, mainly for a 10,000 mile checkup, as my doc so kindly puts it, and I am so losing it here. I will meet Friday with the doc when all the results are in. The list of infections from the upper and lower GI, escape me as I only heard benign, and your pancrease has major concerns. The MRI's of the brain, and neck adds a neurologist to the list of doc's. "your wasting is accelerated..." The EMG..."did you leave your reflex's at home" You HIV coordinator says "I didn't see the lab, but your chart is marked clearly with CD4=8"...."another geno to verify the first"...yadda...yadda....yadda
I don't know sometimes what gives us all the strength to keep fighting this battle, but thank god we can....
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God never gives you more than he knows you can handle. He must think you are an incredibley strong human being honey. I'm praying for you
Jena
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Bob sorry for the bad news.....I was once in a similiar situation......CD count=2 VL=100,000+ family told not expect longer than weekend for life to end........that was in 1994... I am still here cd=400 vl= undetectable...
Dr put me on aggressive HAART ....took only available meds at time ....but changed as new items came available....hang in there there is hope and new items/drugs available every week..your magic combination is out there
Nick
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Bob, Nick certainly provides something encouraging to consider. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, it's times like these when we really all need each other for support.
regards,
Kent
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Dear Bob,
Please just try to do your best and hang in there. I know that more often than not that's easier said than done. Just know that you will be in my prayers and thoughts.
I care so much and it hurts me to know that a fellow survivor is in "dire straits".
Sending strong positive energy your way and wamest wishes for a speedy recovery!
Peace & Love,
Kelly
(http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g142/angels4kelly/fairybelieve.jpg)
(http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g142/angels4kelly/thuntitled66.jpg)
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Bob,
Keep up the good fight. We are for you!
Sending you good thoughts and you are in my prayers.
Hugs
Teresa
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Bob: just to add that you are loved, incredibly, and that we all praying for you. Keep fighting as we are all fighting with you. love, chris
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Hang in there. Never give up.
Keep a positive attitude and have faith.
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Steady As She Goes, Steady AS She Goes my friend. These things have a way of working them out...I have been there. you gotta have faith man. I'm sorry you are going through this. Dig Deep...you can do it. Better days ahead. Get out the gloves and keep fighting.
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Wow Bob, just send you my energy and thoughts for going on the up, and dont loose the fighting spirit!
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hang tough, mr bob, hang tough...there's sunshine + blue skies the other side of this hill.
Kate
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Bob, keep up a positive attitude if you can! I would TOTALLY fedex you some of my Cd4's if I could just figure out how to package the fuckers!
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All these kind words, thoughts, and prayers really do flow from each one of you, right into my heart.
I must open a new box of Kleenex now...
What an awesome group of people to be a part of!!
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Bob,
I am just adding my voice to this choir in wishing you all the best in these tough times.
Pat
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So my youngest son asked me "What happens when your CD4 hits 0",
I don't have the answer to this?
I would assume that OI's will be beating at the door.
"Does that mean you immune system is completely gone?"
I would say yes.
How hard this must be for him and his brother, I have been a single parent for 18 years, and they both still are at home.
I know they are fighting their own battle of living with their Dad fighting AIDS.
They are my strength, I wish I could be more for them.
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i was diagnosed in feb of 05, in the late stages of Aids, wasting was in full swing, fever was through the roof, my initial counts were CD4 - 15, and my viral load was so high they couldnt measure it, it was off thier charts. I was like a skeleton with skin when hospitalized, the first round of meds, i had a reaction to, and it killed off my bone marrow. So, not only did i have aids wreaking its havoc, i had no oxygenated blood for my body. Now Im not sure of what measurement incriment they use, but they said normal oxygen levels are just above 50,000 units. my level at that time of the meds reaction was .05 3 months confined in bed, numerous blood transfusions, extreme body pain as the aids ran its course. As I layed unable to respond, i could hear what was going on in the room, i listened as my wife and children cried for me, our youngest was 3 almost 4, at that time. I never really have feared death personally, but there came a day in that hospital bed, i heard the doctor accompanied by a Pastor, tell my wife, my children, my family, that "most likely he will not survive this"
It was that moment in time, as i layed in the bed i had made for myself, fearlessly faced the consequences, that i felt hearts break. Not my heart, but my loved ones. For days on end, i listened as the prayed and pleaded that i get better, all the while inside of myself, i was screaming, "i will, i will...give me time to" They couldnt hear that scream as i was too ill to be able to respond to them. But i heard that scream. In that bed i heard as they told my wife in kids, my chances were slim, that if by some miracle he does pull through, it will be christmas that he will be able to walk on his own again.
I will never forget the look on my specialist's face, when i walked into his office on my own in june of that same year. Before than i was wheeled in, in a wheelchair. The point Im making here is....if you maintain a strong "will to live" and are willing to go to any length to maintain that will to live......You WILL live.
I dont believe in organized religion, but i do believe in God, one of the lengths i had to go to for myself, was to ask God for help. After 3 months of that bed, i told God, if he will help me to walk again, i will live my life as he wants me to.... That following morning i awoke with the strength to sit up on the dge of the bed, (the 1st time in 3 months), i then requested my wife buy a cane, and when she returned, i walked with the aide of that cane. Now, on most days, i can walk on my own. Since than i have done things i never imagined myself doing...educating my community, helping others,etc....But the biggest thing I have done, was i dealt with "self" I learned to love self, accept self, and properly take of self. And will say, this working on self alone, has done more good for me, than anything. I know today if i were to die suddenly, i would go without regret, go without fear, and most importantly, i would go with a contentment that i have since put into the hearts of my kids. Its funny, i quit taking life for granted, and here i am enjoying life...
and believe me, if i can do this without screwing it up....anyone can, if they really want to*
Good Luck & God Bless, i hope you hear what i am saying, and not just reading what im typing, and things get better for you soon......
P.S. a high protein diet, and frequent,well balanced meals will help restore what the wasting is doing to your body, instead of 3 big meals a day, try 4 or five smaller ones....even when you dont feel like eating* and drink Ensure & Gatorade, until your body starts to bounce back.
if ya need info on high protein foods,etc www.mypyramid.org (its what i use*)
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WOW A2H. You just brought tears to my eyes, and a sense of renewal to my heart.
Thank you for sharing that.
Hang in there Bob. I raised three kids alone too. They will surrprise you every time with their resilience.
Sending karma your way. :-*