Beyond Concerned Over 3 months later

[pleasehelp4290]

On Sunday, Nov. 17, I had sex with another male. It was a stupid decision. The first time that I have ever done anything like this and the only sexual encounter I have ever had other than a monogamous relationship I was in for almost 2 years. I met the guy online and swore up and down to me that he was clean and had no issues. But yet I know people can lie. It started with oral sex. He gave me oral and then I gave him oral. Afterwards we proceeded, I was receiving anal but it was protected and we were kissing as well. Not knowing really much of anything about sex I never thought anything could become of oral. Im 22/M. I know that sounds idiotic, but this was the first time I ever have done anything like this. We continued with protected anal until I stopped it because I was uncomfortable and I never ejaculated and neither did he. The oral lasted about 1 minute and anal maybe 10 minutes or less. I then left and drove home. I pulled off the road and stuck my fingers down my throat and puked because I felt so sick about the situation that I partook in.

After getting home that night, literally maybe two hours later I started feeling funny. Just a little fatigued. I went to bed and during the next two days I felt fatigued and had a headache one of those days. On Wed, I had a sore throat and my stomach was in knots. I was very worried because I knew that something wasn't right. I messaged the guy that I had the encounter with and told him just to be straight honest with me and if he had anything to let me know because I would never want to ruin someone else's life by a stupid decision that I made. He promised me that he was fine and said that to prove he is telling the truth, to go get tested. Yet again, people can say anything. By thursday, thanksgiving, I was feeling somewhat better. My stomach was still acting funny but other than that I felt ok. By nightfall, things went really downhill for me. Going into Friday, my nodes on my neck, underarms, and inside cheeks began to swell. I literally just felt like crap. Crying hysterically because I figured that the only stupid decision Ive ever made has put me in a situation that I never would have thought I would have been in. Over the next few days I had another sore throat that lasted a day and a half and my nodes were swollen and were tender and then began to dissipate.

Throughout most of December things kinda calmed down although I had nasal congestion and I had discomfort persisting in my underarms and back of thighs under my bottom. Most of the discomfort was and has been in my arms and in particular my left arm.

Starting sometime in late December until now, my urine has alternated at times from being normal, to cloudy and dark. From Jan till now, I've continued to have mild discomfort in the nodes under my arms and thighs at times. In late January I began to have some discomfort around the belly button and soon it spread to my abdominal area, and since then I have had an upset stomach prob about 70% of the time. At times its like I feel hungry and my stomach will growl and be upset. Also at times, my abdominals feel as if I have worked out and are sore.

I have been so emotional because I just want to feel better. This has literally been the only decision in my life Im not proud of. I was raised in a very strict household and I knew better. I just slipped up. Im so young. I don't want my life to be threatened over someones dishonesty and my idiotic decision to partake in something I shouldn't have. Should I be worried about HIV? Or should I look at another possible std issue. Please provide your wisdom on this subject because Im at my wits end with the situation. Thank you everyone…..

[RapidRod]

You never had an exposure.

[pleasehelp4290]

@RapidRod Then why all these symptoms… I don't understand. Just so worried

[RapidRod]

See your doctor if you are concerned about your symptoms they have nothing to do with HIV.

[jkinatl2]

@RapidRod Then why all these symptoms… I don't understand. Just so worried

There IS no STD that produces symptoms within hours, unless you are counting crab lice.

Absolutely NONE of your symptoms are in any way indicative of Acute Retroviral Syndrome, which is the flu-like illness that SOME people experience when their bodies first develop antibodies against HIV. It is NOT caused by HIV itself, and it normally resolves within days.

But this avoids the salient fact that NOTHING you did has placed you in danger for HIV infection. Nothing. Your anal sex was protected. Receiving oral sex is not a risk in any way, shape or form. And GIVING oral sex has NEVER been firmly documented as having transmitted HIV.

There have been no fewer than three long term studies of serodiscordant couples (where one partner is positive and one is negative) that lasted three, five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative anal and vaginal sex, but chose not to use barrier protection for oral sex of any kind. At the end of these studies, not a single person seroconverted due to oral activity. Not one.

It honestly sounds like a combination of guilt and shame, judging by the way you worded your post and the way you kept pressuring your sexual partner after the fact.

Rather than going by what someone says about their status (and not everyone lies - some people just don't know because they don't get tested, or because they have seroconverted since their last test) why not just skip the uncertainty and assume that EVERYONE id HIV positive until or unless you get into a monogamous relationship and test together.

That is what people should be assuming of YOU, you know.

This, of course, means familiarizing yourself with what does and does not transmit HIV, and how to prevent it.

hint: Wear a condom for anal sex. The end.

PS: Please don't use the term "clean" to mean "uninfected." I take at least one shower every day, two if I go to the gym. I'm clean. I also have HIV. To refer to someone uninfected with HIV as "clean" implies that I am dirty - and that stigma, endemic to HIV positive people, is part of what facilitates ignorance and fear. Unwarranted fear.

You have had no risk, but I urge every sexually active person who is not in a monogamous relationship to have two STD panels done each year, including an HIV test of course. Familiarizing yourself with that process will take some of the terror away, and you will at least be a responsible person who looks after his health and that of those with whom he is intimate.