HIV Prevention and Testing > Do I Have HIV?

Very scared not sure what to believe


Iím from Australia and a father of 2 kids.Iíve been following this forum from last month. You guys are amazing in helping people.

I will start with apologising for the lengthy post but I wanted to share every detail to help in assessing my situation. Also, sorry English is not my first language.

I know you guys will tell me it is not a HIV risk encounter, but my story is bit different to others on the similar encounter.

I had been to an erotic massage parlour in March 1st. The masseuse gave me a massage on my back with her hands and she was standing next to the table and fully clothed. After 15 mins she asked me to sit up and she removed her clothes but I asked her to not to remove her panty so she was only topless during the whole session.

Concern #1. I was in my underwear and she rubbed her vagina covered by panties couple of times on my penis which was covered by my underwear.
What-if - she was on her periods and her menstrual blood entered my urethra or some microscopic damages on the penis mucus membrane?

Concern #2. I kissed her on her chest and not breasts because I thought breast milk will transmit hiv. However, later I noticed that she had some peppery rash on her chest but I donít remember if they were bleeding and I had broken lips or ulcers in my mouth.
What-if - the rash on chest was actively bleeding and I had broken lips/tongue or bleeding gums?

Concern #3. Later, she gave me unprotected handjob. She used something as a lubricant and I ejaculated in less than 30 secs. Then I saw my cum on her hands while she was still holding my penis and I also saw a thick mucus near the tip of urethra. I thought it was my cum too and didnít ask her anything and I cleaned it using a tissue and left.
What-if - she had used her cervicovaginal secretion as lubricant?
What-if - the thick mucus I saw near the tip of my urethra was not actually my cum, but it was her cervix mucus?

I forgot about everything and was normal till day 22 of the encounter. On day 22, I had mild scratchy throat followed by runny nose for couple of days and blocked nose for couple of days. Also, a white coated tongue on the second half of 22nd day. The white tongue came back again on 32nd day and now I notice there is some coating only on the back/end of my tongue.  I was worried so much and started reading about acute hiv symptoms and recalled myself having severe headache for couple of hours on 18th day and left side lower abdomen was paining whenever I walk from day 10 to day 15. Had 1 episode of loose motion immediately after lunch on day 19 and day 21.
From 25th day onwards I had itchy right armpit for a week and also noticed there were stretch marks in the armpit area. During this time I was constantly pressing and rubbing armpit area to check if the lymph node is swollen and on 29th day there was swollen lymph node. Iím not sure, if it was because of me rubbing and pressing. I also had couple of night sweats 26th and 27th day.

Itís been 50 days now and I donít have any other symptoms other than some coating on the back of my tongue.

I know you wonít discuss on symptoms, but my worry is because of my partner is experiencing headaches and muscle aches exactly 3 weeks after I had unprotected sex with her. She also had 1 episode of loose motion immediately after lunch on 15th day. Actually on my 22nd day of the encounter when I noticed white tongue, I told everything to my partner and convinced her to go to GP to take PEP as it was still within the 72 hours of I had sex with her. But, the GP told my that, ďevery men knows they canít contract HIV by handjob and if heís so paranoid and asking you to start PEP means he is not completely honest, talk to him and if he had done nothing other than what he has told you then no need to start PEPĒ. So my wife didnít start PEP even though I was forcing her to start just in case as a precaution.

I had gone for STD screening on 23rd day of the encounter along with HIV ag/ab combo test (blood drawn from vein) and everything was negative.

Iím going mad after my partner started experiencing headaches and muscle aches, thinking that I have passed on HIV to her and put the life of her and my kids in danger. And Iím trying to add every possible ďwhat ifĒs to my 3 concerns above. And I donít have the same courage I had on 23rd day when I went for the test, to go for another test now.
I request you to kindly assess my situation and let me know.

Jim Allen:

--- Quote ---the GP told my that, ďevery men knows they canít contract HIV by handjob and if heís so paranoid and asking you to start PEP means he is not completely honest
--- End quote ---

I agree, and the GP deserves a round of applause.

Although I would have also told your wife to use condoms to reduce her risks and offered her an STI & HIV screening after six weeks.

--- Quote ---I know you guys will tell me it is not a HIV risk encounter, but my story is bit different to others
--- End quote ---

I read it three times. I fail to see any difference. You engaged frottage and kissing, got a handjob, and had zero HIV risk from these activities, including your "what ifs". I'll also add that breast milk isn't an HIV risk to you. You are an adult, not a breastfeeding infant.

From your post, your only HIV risk was condomless sex with your wife. 

--- Quote ---And Iím trying to add every possible ďwhat ifĒs to my 3 concerns above.
--- End quote ---

Yeah, I noticed. Don't worry it wasn't the worse one I have heard. I mean I have answered questions about getting HIV from cows and aliens from out of space, so nothing you ask would surprise me.

--- Quote ---my partner is experiencing headaches and muscle aches exactly 3 weeks after I had unprotected sex with her.
--- End quote ---

I'll mention the same thing I always do when someone says they are in a relationship; If you engage in condomless sex with your partner, you are obviously at risk of acquiring HIV. In relationships, condomless sex is often based on trust or past test results; however, this does not prevent HIV, so if condomless sex does occur, you should consider testing more frequently.

Here's what you need to know to reduce your HIV risks:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse correctly and consistently, with no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices described as safe in terms of acquiring HIV still pose a risk for other easier-acquired STIs. So please do get tested at least yearly for STIs, including but not limited to HIV, and more frequently if condomless intercourse occurs.

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms; testing is the only way to know.

Kind regards


Please Note.
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Hi Jim,

Thanks for taking your time to respond to my concerns.

For my first understanding why do you think itís a no risk even if

1. She had used cervicovaginal mucus as a lubricant to give handjob and it entering through urethra as this mucus contains high viral load right?
2. There was menstrual blood involved and it is all over my penis during frottage ?
3. The her rashes were bleeding and either entered my broken lips or tongue when I kissed her rashes

Jim Allen:
So you want me to entertain the idea she reached with discomfort to the end of the vagina canal at her cervix to pull out cervicovaginal mucus just to give you a handjob?

What an effort for nothing.

1 & 2)

Anyhow, where to start, well, HIV is fragile. The receptors needed to infect corrode outside the confines of the body, leaving it unable to infect, so sexually, HIV is only acquired inside the confines of the human body as in not being exposed to the environment, like during condomless intercourse.

There are other barriers to this concern, but in short, your concern lacks all the environmental and biological conditions that need to simultaneously occur for there even to be a risk of acquiring HIV. Hence it makes sense nobody has ever acquired HIV the way you fear, and you will not be the world's first.


Lacks exposure to viable HIV, quantity and a route for acquiring HIV. It is also a fantasy "what if", as most of your post is, and she was not covered in blood when you kissed her.

What is not a fantasy is the only thing you mentioned here that was an HIV risk to you was condomless intercourse. It's the primary transmission mode globally in the 4000 people per day who acquire HIV.

You are happy to engage in condomless intercourse but then question a handjob, kiss and bit of rubbing  ;D

Consider using condoms consistently and PrEP, and if you do continue to engage in condomless intercourse, at least test for HIV & STIs more frequently.

Finally, please don't post about this again, I already considered the first post excessive, but I answered it. However, there is a limit, and you have reached it, so if you post about this again, it will result in a ban.


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