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Tested Positive for HIV Yesterday

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Tguid13:
Hello Everyone,

Iíve had a really tough last few months, and Iíd like to share my story.

I consider myself pan sexual and for the longest time, I only dated women. I suppressed the gay side of me. After finally acting on these urges, I decided to start dating men. One of the very first dates I went on, I met my current partner in which we were engaged.

We have had such a loving, supportive, and honestly what I thought of a picture perfect relationship. He is also not only my first relationship with a man, but my first very serious relationship.

Recently, we decided to pack our bags and move to a different state together where we did not know anyone. Things seemed great until I found a disposable douche in his car. I was highly suspicious after this because there was literally no reason at all for him to have that. I have never had suspicions of cheating prior. I asked him repeatedly to explain, but he had this made up story that just didnít seem factually right. I went through his phone and discovered the exchanging of sexual pictures with other men on apps like Grindr. For me personally, this was the first man that I had sex with, I had never used Grindr before, and when we begin having unprotected sex we both were tested. So this was shocking.

As two months go by, we begin therapy and he gave me access to his passwords and things like that. I still had a feeling that he physically cheated on me, but he denied it every time. He claimed that it was all just used for picture exchange. He seemed to be working extremely hard to fix all of the heart break. I later find out that he claimed to have oral with 4 guys and sex with 1 in our old state. He claimed he got tested and everything came back fine. This destroyed me, I then found out he had sex with all 5 and has had an addiction to meeting up with guys on these apps since he was young (he is 24, Iím 26). As devastated as I was, I made him go get tested. He claimed to have gotten tested every time but this wasnít true, and there has never really been a long gap of us not having sex. Thatís when he got the news that he was positive.

The next day (yesterday), I went to a sex health clinic and was tested myself, which also came back positive. My doctors were incredibly supportive, however, I donít even have words about the situation. I am truly so sad/angry/disgusted plus a million other emotions. However, the weird thing is is that I keep feeling attached to him because I feel as if we are going on this journey together. At this point, I canít even begin to think about the cheating and betrayal, we donít have a strong support system here. Also, he truly is so sweet, supportive, and there is obviously a ton of guilt. Iím currently applying for law school, and I have no idea what to do about the entire situation. It is all extremely hard and difficult. My mom and his mom knows about the situation and my best friend.

Why do I want to still be near him and stay by his side through this?
What are the best ways to cope with having a newly positive test?
Iím grieving my relationship and contracting HIV from someone who I thought I was in a monogamous relationship with for years and were engaged. How do I take the first steps to figure out an action plan?
Why does a small part of me still want to stay with him?

I know that you guys might not have the answers, but maybe someone will.

Jim Allen:
Hiya,

Sorry to hear about the reactive HIV result.

I presume it was a rapid test at the clinic yesterday. Has the clinic arranged follow-up labs and appointments for you?


--- Quote ---Why do I want to still be near him and stay by his side through this?
What are the best ways to cope with having a newly positive test?
Iím grieving my relationship and contracting HIV from someone who I thought I was in a monogamous relationship with for years and were engaged. How do I take the first steps to figure out an action plan?
Why does a small part of me still want to stay with him?
--- End quote ---

Because you love him and you are still digesting the news and the cheating. It's a process that can take time and love isn't something that gets turned off like a switch.

I think the immediate next steps are to care for yourself both physically and mentally, give yourself time to get your head around things and once you both are ready prehaps talk and see if the relationship is something you both wish to continue or not.

Tguid13:
I believe it was a rapid test, but it was still with drawing blood. Iím not sure if this changes anything, but I do have a follow up tomorrow with my doctor with more lab work. She mentioned about seeing how much is in my viral load and things like that. Iím not really sure what that means, but I know she will explain it all tomorrow. Iíve only had one test, but she thinks it is likely to be a true positive due to my partner also testing positive. I do not believe his was rapid because it took multiple days to receive the results, and with mine, it was within an hour.

Jim Allen:
Yeah, it's a rapid reactive result and we know that it can be a shock and a lot to digest. From what you mentioned his test would have been an antibodies test from the lab but they would also run confirmation testing.

Anyhow, glad to see you have a follow-up so quickly, the clinic will run confirmation testing along with a few other blood tests like CD4 and viral load, resistance profile etc. This will confirm the result, give them a baseline and help in treatment recommendations.

For the time being until you have results back, I am going to ask you to post only in this single thread and we will answer & support you here.

Best, Jim

P.s below are some easy to digest links on starting treatment, labs etc that might help.

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/understanding-lab-work-blood-tests
https://www.poz.com/article/newly-diagnosed
https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/starting-hiv-treatment

Tguid13:
I have an appointment tomorrow, but I got my CB4 tests back and it was in the 150s at 8%. The doctor told me that it is highly likely that it is a true positive unfortunately.

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