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through tearful eyes

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First of all... I'd like to thank the creators and all the people on this site... It sure is a Godsend. 

Well here goes... This is my story.  I just learned I was HIV positive the beginning of this month. 

I started not feeling well the beginning of July.  I am a nurse and work in an Emergency Room in  the suburbs and I think I've only seen 1 or 2  patients with HIV in the 4 years I've been there.  So HIV is uncommon to my colleagues and pretty much myself.  I was seen by one of the docs there because I was feeling tired and was running a low grade fever.  He said  probably just a sinus infection and put me on some antibiotics.  Hover I got worse.  I went to my primary doctor a few days later  He did some blood work (not HIV)  and said that I had mono.  I went back to him a few times and was not getting any better.  Fevers over 102.  etc.  All I could do was drink water and Gatorade and pop tylenols and Advil's.  He then referred me to an Infectious Disease doctor. 

I went and seen her.  She reviewed my labs from the mono and asked a bunch of questions.  Later I was becoming very dizzy and still running fevers.  I ended up in the ER- where I work at.  and was admitted because my sodium level was very low.  While I was in the hospital  they did my HIV test.  I asked them to keep it confidential because everything at work is put into a computer where anyone can gain access to.  They did, thankfully.  I was in the hospital for 4 days.  After I came home a few days the ID doctor called me and told me my HIV came back positive.  I was completely devastated and she reminded me to keep my appointment with her 2 days later.

I went to her office.... I was scared to death.  She gave me per scriptions for 2 medications.  Combivir and Sustiva and sent me to another hospital lab for my CD4 and Viral Load test for confidentiality.    She called me about a week later and told me she had some good news  that my T cells were 357.  My viral load was high ... greater than 100,000  CD4  was 7%  but she said with the meds  those would improve.   She also said that the hospital had a committee and they discuss employees who are HIV pos, have  Hep B etc  and that they had to tell the director (my boss)  OMG  i was so scared I would be fired.  I met with her before I returned to work and thankfully she was very supportive.  You just never know how people will react to this.  She assured me she wouldn't tell anyone and anything I needed just to come to her. 

I started back to work last week.  I'm a lil tired but I'm dealing with so much and trying to learn new things. I'm the happy go lucky guy normally and I feel like I have this huge weight on me now.  The hardest thing was telling my mom  and my close friends.  I'm trying to hang in there  but sometimes I just break down and cry.  Any support or guidance would sure be appreciated.  I think I need a hug. 

Thanks for reading this. 


Joey, it is with regret that I welcome you to the forum. But you could NOT have found a better place to discuss your concerns and get the best information anywhere.

Hang in there, ok? You're among friends.

Im sorry you have to be part of our family...but you are that to us now.... FAMILY!

Welcome and big hugs!


The virus? That bastard is gonna be killed soon, brought to it by YOU AND YOUR ID.

You, WELCOME!!!!!! I was diagnosed like 6 weeks ago. We all know exactly how scared you feel, and difficult can this thing be...But guess what? WE ARE STILL ALIVE....YOU ARE ALIVE!!!!!!

A warm but strong huge in these moments of confussion


Bonjour Joey,


this, I learned here, is a big hug.

Welcome here. We're all in this together.



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