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"I am outed"

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I would suggest confronting the person.  It is of course up to you.  But this could be empowering.  In my early experience most people are insanely fearful and weird about HIV.  Walking up to the person and saying, 'I understand you divulged some information about my health while looking at my computer.  I think I need to discuss this with you.'  Explain the ramifications of disclosure, as well as the illegalities if it applies in your state or country.  And I'd also tell him that if he's told anybody he has a responsiblility to inform you who he has told.  It will put fear in his heart to be confronted this way.  People are SO uncomfortable talking about H I V!!! He'll want to crawl under a rock.  (I assume male...could be female).

I've had some problems with my friends disclosing my status on their own accord.  I believe I have kicked them into line explaining the various reasons I keep this information close to my chest currently (health insurance).  But I also tell them they can be fined $5,000 dollars for every disclosure w/o my permission (godbless the liberal democrats in IL).  I have a feeling I scare them to death to even confront them with the issue. I think they feel I am weak and beaten now and are shocked to see that is not the case.

Just some thoughts.


Joe K:
Hey Eric,

Like it's not enough you have HIV, you have assholes for coworkers who snoop in your office.  While the damage might be done, you may want to take some steps to protect yourself, depending upon the type of company you work for.  To be covered under the Americans (with) Disabilities Act your employer must know of your status and if your boss is the owner, then you are all set.  If not, you may want to talk with Human Resources the first thing Monday morning to get some advice.

I hope that this proves to be no more difficult than a rumor, but you must protect your own self interests.  I would also imagine that your state has some form of law that prevents others from disclosing your status and if so, you should print out said law and leave a copy on "Mr. Snoopy's" desk first thing Monday.

I believe that being outed is not a form of disclosure, rather it is a form of abuse.  If you feel strongly about not being truly outed, then you need to be proactive and if that entails talking to this guy and telling him how, you will make his life A TOTAL LIVING HELL FROM WHICH THERE IS NO ESCAPE if he ever utters a word, then that is what it will take.

This is your life and no one has the right to dictate how you will live it.  As I said, this is not disclosure.

Like I said, I hope none of this applies to you, but forwarned is forarmed.

Thanks for all your perspectives...  I talked with my boss last night and asked him if I should sit down and talk with my co-worker?  He said "NOT necessary..  I know you have only told me and if a rumor gets started, I will know who started it and will be grounds for termination".   On the other hand, I to was thinking maybe just to sit down with this guy and explain to him my situation....  I have not quite decided what to do...  When I went to work today (there) that associate and me were talking about weight lifting and stuff and everything seemed fine.....  I have two vantastic bosses that really look out for my best interests. The boss who intercepted the associate "clicking" knows "the law"  (law inforcement) very well.. 

Jay, I am hiv out to those who I care about.. But at work, I am just out as being gay.   I really did not want to excelerate my status... I was quite comfortable up until yesterday.  BLAST!   

Thanks for the responses... I am going to think about this today before I go back to that job...  Ie.  That associate will be working with me tonight....

Thanks again,  I feel better..  But a bit nervious...


Hi Eric,

It sounds like you have some really great bosses who are willing to protect you and your rights. That's a HUGE plus... so I wouldn't worry too very much.  The thing that would trouble me is this nosy associate... people like to gossip.  Personally, I would talk to this individual.  I'm not certain what I would say, but I would hold my head high and talk earnestly with him/her.

I really don't have much to offer other than my best wishes for an easy, painless end to this predicament.  Keep us posted.

All the best,


Trish....  To let sleeping dogs lie... I am not one for that.  In my rational mind, I need to go and talk to this guy and have a sit down...  I am actually his supervisor as well...  Otherwise, I think I will just think about this forever..  I am trying to come up with a good way to approach this in a very disarming manor.   I council people all the time, but this is sorta the reverse for me... 

I will hold my head up high and I am very proud of who I am..  I just would rather others feel the same way about me and not feel ashamed, scared or frightened to work with me...   

I have learned alot over this past 24 hours about disclosure and being careful about how I get my support, when I get the support, and who I get the support from.   I for one know,  I would be at my wits end without all of you helping me guide my way through all of these feelings...  Maybe I will put my picture back up now instead of the stupid "Moose" thing....

Love Always and Thanks!


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