Coping With This New Diagnosis

[NewToThis93]

Good morning,

I’m a 27 year old male, and I was just diagnosed the 1st week of December. After some introspection, I could trace the exposure to an encounter in July. Shortly after, like 4 days, I had flu like symptoms which I chalked up to COVID19 or strep throat. Covid test was negative, so I just considered it was a weird instance of strep throat. I even discussed that with my PCP.

Regarding my PCP, I’m so angry with her. I went to her on June 4th and brought up concerns regarding sexual health and starting PrEP, which she downplayed. I almost always use condoms, but I just dk what happened in the July encounter. The only reason I got tested was because I was on an adolescent medicine rotation discussing how STI’s can be asymptomatic. I subsequently realized it had been over a year since my last screening. I never suspected the HIV screening would be positive. I was/still am in shock/denial.

Fast forward to today, I got on treatment ASAP (Triumeq) and all my lab work was normal. The most concerning aspect of all this is I possibly exposed 2 people in my ignorance, one of which I deeply care about and saw myself potentially in a long term relationship. That’s the aspect that’s breaking my heart. I wish it was just me in this situation.

I hope they’re both negative and fine, otherwise I’m not sure how I could cope putting someone in harms way.

Thanks for hearing me out.

PCP = primary care provider

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis, glad to hear that you have started treatment.

As for the other people, hopefully, they will go onto test negative but don't beat yourself up. Ultimately they agreed to have sex and with that comes risks, you did not intentionally cause harm. 

Best, Jim

[NewToThis93]

Thanks for the reply, man. I’ve been trying to be kind to myself, but that’s always been difficult for me. The thought that keeps playing in my head is, “Intent doesn’t absolve me from impact.” These inner thoughts are so pervasive.

[Jim Allen]

They opted to have sex and with that accepted the risks including HIV.  The impact of other peoples choices in their lives is not something to feel guilty over or anything you are responsible for if you ask me. Free will and outcomes.

Anyhow, these things and a new diagnosis can take time to digest, post covid if it is still bothering you maybe some counselling sessions or peer to peer support will also help.

Take it easy. Jim

[Jim Allen]

How are things going otherwise? You started treatment, same combo I am currently taking myself, how is that going?

[NewToThis93]

Things are going well so far. I think the Triumeq may be causing some arterial hypertension, but that’s it. Most of my complaints relate to the mental aspect.

The diagnosis was caught fairly early. My VL was around 35,000 and my CD4 was on the low end of normal. I’m excited about the potential to go on a long acting injectable once it’s approved by the FDA. In one of the studies, participants made a direct switch from Triumeq to the injection and remained virally suppressed.

[Jim Allen]

Glad to hear things are going well, it can take time to settle into meds.

On the injectable treatment, I think it's every month or every two months from the studies. Certainly worth discussing with your healthcare provider if you feel this would suit you once it's available where you are.

https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/what-do-we-know-about-injectable-hiv-medication

[Tonny2]

              ojo        Hello newtothis93, welcome to the forum...I'm sorry about your dx, but you are not alone anymore, we are here for you, it helps to talk to people in the same situation....I'm sorry about the way you are feelong no knowing if you passed the virus to others, it's not your fault, in any event, if you want to have peace of mind, and if you don't want them, your sex partnes to know about your status, talk to your doctor about it and he/she may help you to find a way to let them know about a possible exposire, just a thought...I think that the most important thing is that you got tested for hiv, now you know you are positive, now you treat it. We all know here how you are feeling but, with time and a good attitute, you will learn how to live with hiv, the sooner, the better so you can take back control of your life...I was 32 when I was dx'ed, 26 years later, I am here writing to you, so, there is life after an hiv dx you just have to love life and keep looking forward, because you will be aroind for a long time, if i could do it, you will do it too....again, you can count on us for suppot, if you need a shoulder to lean on, we have two....best of luck...hugs, you might need one right now.    ojo

ps, gorgive my english, it is my second language and i am legally blind

                                                                                   

[NewToThis93]

Thanks for your reply. I already contacted those I potentially exposed. It was the toughest part. I really hope I don’t lose a great friend in the process. It’s the last thing I need :/. I could definitely use a shoulder to lean on.

[Tonny2]

         ojo.        Hi again...you are a brave young man, I’m proud of you...I will cross my fingers even my toes so your friends blood work results are negative...I think you mentioned above that you we’re thinking on having a relationship with one of those persons, maybe, this situation would help you two to consolidate a stronger relationship, I hope so...if you need someone to talk to, with a broken English, feel free to send me a PM, I will be happy to lend you my shoulder so you can lean on it...please keep us posted and good luck...abrazo de oso                       ojo

[ajay1980]

Sorry for the diagnosis and the heartbreak.  This forum has provided me w alot of knowledge and support.  We are all here for ya!
You did everything you could do when you found out, so  like everyone said, don't beat yourself up about it.  Easier said then done I know! I'd just continue to respect however they want to process the news and be there to support them if they are open to it. You'll be ok!