What is my risk?

[adam99]

I had 2 gay encounters recently which give me concern:

1.  I had protected receptive anal sex.  I am pretty sure the condom stayed on the whole time (I was quite paranoid about it, almost to the point of irritation).  This was on Nov 1.  The other man said he was HIV-.

2.  I engaged in deep kissing and frottage (naked rubbing).  When I placed my mouth on his penis for about 2 seconds, he informed me he was HIV+.  At that point, I stopped any contact with him.  This was on Nov 7.

I have muscle pain, a slight runny nose, and my throat is a little sore. 

Am I at risk?  Did something go wrong with the condom in #1 (I have no rational reason to think so).  Should I get tested?

Many thanks.

[Andy Velez]

As long as the other guy was wearing a condom I don't see any cause for concern about the anal intercourse incident. Condoms provide very effective protection against HIV transmission.

Your own saliva contains over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent transmission of HIV. There is no need for you to be concerned about the oral incident either nor any need for testing.

There is nothing HIV specific about your "symptoms." If they persist you should discuss them with your doctor. I don't think they have anything to do with HIV.

[jkinatl2]

Just wanted to add that serodiscordant relationships (where one partner is positive and one is negative) are quite common, and if the positive partner uses a condom for penetrative sex there's no legitimate danger of infection. And, of course, if the positive partner is on medication and has an undetectable viral load, that negligible risk is reduced to essentially zero.

Of course kissing, frottage, and oral present no real risk of infection.

And just because someone says they are HIV negative doesn't mean that they are. Many people don't know their status - some even AVOID testing regularly because they want to be able to say they are negative. And of course, some people do not disclose. Honestly, you should assume that every partner is HIV positive and protect yourself accordingly - AS THEY SHOULD DO WITH YOU.

The guy who was honest with you (albeit a bit late in the game) was the one you should have the least worries about. It's untested and untreated people who have the highest viral loads, and are far more likely to be infectious than people who are on meds.

[adam99]

Thanks both. Do I need to get tested based on these 2 encounters. 

[jkinatl2]

Thanks both. Do I need to get tested based on these 2 encounters. 

No.

Though you should get a complete STD panel done twice a year (including an HIV test)  if you are sexually active and not in a mutually monogamous relationship. Other STDs can be passed despite correct condom use

[adam99]

Sorry to belabor the point.

But I was wondering if my risk was low (i.e., car crash on the freeway) or effectively zero (i.e., wrestling with a lion on my way home from the office).

(FYI, the HIV+ guy said his load was undetectable).

[RapidRod]

? What does any of those situations have to do with your situation?

[jkinatl2]

Sorry to belabor the point.

But I was wondering if my risk was low (i.e., car crash on the freeway) or effectively zero (i.e., wrestling with a lion on my way home from the office).

(FYI, the HIV+ guy said his load was undetectable).

If the guys' viral load was indeed undetectable, he could have fucked YOU without a condom and you would not have a legitimate risk of acquiring HIV. It's the virus - aka viral load - that transmits the thing.

But you didn't do that. You had protected anal sex. The rest of it is simply ridiculous.

[Ann]

Sorry to belabor the point.

But I was wondering if my risk was low (i.e., car crash on the freeway) or effectively zero (i.e., wrestling with a lion on my way home from the office).

(FYI, the HIV+ guy said his load was undetectable).

You're not really. Sorry that is. I can just imagine the look on your face when the guy told you he was poz. "At that point, I stopped any contact with him." Yeah, I bet you couldn't leave fast enough.

But yet you were perfectly happy to have intercourse with some other guy who told you he was negative. As Jonathan told you earlier (re-read your entire thread), serosorting only works when you and your partner both admit you're poz. Why? Because too many people only assume they're negative. They're not testing regularly - like you. If you had been testing regularly like you're supposed to, you wouldn't be here asking if you should test over two NO RISK situations.

Do I think you should test? Absolutely. Not because of the two situations you write about here, but because any sexually active adult should be having a full sexual health check up at least once a year. More often if you're in the habit of blindly believing what people tell you about their hiv status.

Wise up and stop asking people about their hiv status. Treat ANYONE you have sex with as hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly by USING CONDOMS FOR ANAL OR VAGINAL INTERCOURSE. That's all you need to do. The rest, in Jonathan's words, is "simply ridiculous".

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER FROTTAGE, ORAL, OR PROTECTED INTERCOURSE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann