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How do you feel about the person who infected you?Do you forgive them?

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How do you feel about the person who infected you?Do you forgive them?

I forgave him but try as I might I can never ever forget it.  He lied and deceived me, knowingly altered the course of my future.  I wonder how I forgave, maybe underneath it all I haven't.  Accepted, rather than forgave.

What about you?

It was my first husband and yes I forgive him, and wish he was still alive.  He was a horrible alcoholic/drug addict, and I know he was not aware of his diagnosis.  Wouldn't have mattered, I knew what kind of life he led apart from me.  I didn't insist on condoms. 

He died just within days of me finding out my status.  I was angry at him for dying.  Even if he did know, I would feel the same way.  But, he never, ever got medical care, even prior to the HIV.  He felt the same way I did-invincible. 

Even though HIV itself has been a horrible thing to live with these past 25 years, I have met some wonderful people, and am happy they were in my life.  Many of them I miss horribly, they did not survive this disease.  The ones that are still living I cherish.  And I met many of them here.  But, I was open to making new friends, hearing different views and opinions, meeting all types of different people, and keeping an open mind when it comes to everything.

In your other post over in the "living with" section, you thought someone was maybe picking on you for you being upset with the person who infected you.  I think a lot of us have been there at some point.  You were just encouraged to work on the anger toward yourself, and I believe that's a huge part of this.

Of course, we're here.  I check the women's forum regularly, so I'll keep looking at this thread.  I'm not merging your two threads together, as I kind of understand you may just want women's views here, but a more general feel over in the other section. 

Please take care, and keep venting!


I was engaged to an older man. This woman called my home asking for me. She said he was having sex with her. Then she said "I hope you have AIDs b****." 
He denied everything at first.
Long story short, I don't think about him as much as this was twenty years ago. All he did was hold me back.
I am no longer angry. His life is still terrible. The woman he left me for looked like his favorite actress, Kirstie Alley, I ran into them in the market, she is no longer skinny. She is over four hundred pounds. I had a difficult time watching any Kirstie Alley movie. Now I can see her and enjoy the movie or show.
Things take time I guess.
I read the above reply. You may or may not be angry at yourself. I did not read your post in the Living With HIV, but it is normal to be angry toward who infected you. The man who infected me knew for two years before he met me. I was angry, but I worked it out. I focused on what I can control and change rather than the HIV.
I have a sixteen year old daughter who does not have HIV and she knows about my health. I have been positive twenty years. I tell her every now and again she is the best part of my life.
If I was never infected I would never have met my husband or had my daughter. I cannot be angry.

Jeff G:
This thread has turned out to be quiet nice ... I had a young family member who assumed this forum and HIV was all about gay men and we all know how far from the truth that is .

I told the young cousin that not everyone with HIV got it after a night of drunkenly dancing to Its Raining Men ... I was proud of my little joke but it went so far over her head I buckled down and gave her the sobering facts . I had to check my sense of humor because this young woman is at risk for HIV ...  bet she wouldn't understand that Mary is a boys name either . 


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