POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Viritalicus on August 07, 2007, 12:49:08 pm
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How to cope with a serodiscordand partner? I have been married for 17 years and we have both been open in the relationship.
Since I became positive though I have been avoiding sex with my husband and I am resisting his pressure since I do not want infect him accidentally...
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Well,
Since you now know your status, it would be very difficult to infect him if you play safer. He is safer now than when you did not know your status, if you want to look at it that way. Look at the links Ann provides on the proper use of condoms. Unless he is insisting on unprotected sex, or does not know that your status has changed, I really do not see any reason why you cannot have a fulfilling sex life with him. I mean unless the guy bores you and you are no longer interested in him, which I do not think is the case. Are there other issues at play here? Guilt? Lower self esteem? It is very hard to know exactly what the issue is here. I hope you can talk to him openly about this, as this would be a start, to feeling better about the sex.
CA
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The hardest part of coping in my +/- relationship was getting over my own mental block. God knows this is a miserable disease and I've already lost my first partner (10 yrs) to it. The LAST thing I'd ever want to do is pass this to my current partner (4 yrs). It sounds like you understand this fear. I actually went w/o sex for about six yrs. because of this fear. But, unlike the early days, it's known how HIV is transmitted now, and there are safe sex practices you can take to avoid infecting your partner.
Long before we hit the bedroom, I sat him down and told him of my fears. I wanted him to understand that if I ever ran away screaming in the middle of it, that it didn't have anything to do with him. LOL It still nags me in the back of my mind sometimes while we're doing it; but we take precautions and ALWAYS have safe sex. The little bit of anxiety I STILL have keeps me alert, so we don't do anything that might put him at risk.
check out this POZ article for some safe sex guidlines http://www.poz.com/articles/321_2049.shtml (http://www.poz.com/articles/321_2049.shtml)
Best wishes to you and your hubby! I sure hope that y'all can work through this and get back to having a more robust relationship with all the fringe benefits. ;)
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congratulations for being married 17 years. Tha's great! I have been in a relationship where we were both poz and two relationship where it was serodiscordant. I have found people react differently to this knowledge. some are totally care free even though they are negative and some are totally scared. I think discussing your concerns with your partner as everyone else has mentioned is the best thing to do. There are also a few sites on the internet that deal with serodiscordant couples. I have found them to be very helpful. Life is short no matter what ones status is. Discuss this issue with your partner and get back to having fun ::)