Here's the deal...

[notagain91]

I'm a young gay male in NYC, vers and fairly sexually active.

In March '10 I topped bare. Freaked out for some time until I finally went out and got tested in Oct '10. Having convinced myself I was positive (spent a lot of time on this website) it was a complete shock and of course, a relief, learning that I was negative. It seemed that all my "symptoms" were just products of my imagination.

Fast forward to today, and I'm proud to say I've only engaged in SAFE anal insertive/receptive sex. For some reason this morning, after speaking to my mother about my sexual activity, I began to have HIV anxiety all over again. I've hooked up with a number of men since my last test but all have been protected. I guess the question is, could I be one of those few men who contracted HIV from giving head? Nobody (except the guy I'm dating) has ejaculated in my mouth (definitely not the one-night stands.) I've lost some weight, especially in my face. I believe this is most likely to be the result of engaging in some pretty intense physical exercise over the last 6-8 weeks. I seem to have diarrhea every other day. My mother who saw me on Thanksgiving, came by again last week and said I lost so much weight. People have been telling me that over and over. I can't complain because its usually followed by a nice compliment. I don't know how to explain to them that I wish they would stop telling me that because it freaks me out!

Do I need to be tested? Will I go down in the books if I do test poz? Needless to say, I'm investing in some oral flavored condoms from here on out.

[Andy Velez]

Whatever is causing your weightloss has nothing to do with HIV. The ONLY confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse.

Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV so we do recommend that anyone who is sexually active ought to regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least once a year and every 6 months is even better.

Your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmission of HIV orally. And as far as receiving oral, which is one of the most common of sexual acts, there has never been a confirmed case of transmission in that manner. It's safe to say you won't make history by becoming the first.

You and your current boyfriend should continue to use condoms for intercourse. Should you decide to be in a committed and monogamous relationship, continue to use condoms until you both test negative at a reliable testing point. That's the only time you can safely dispense with using condoms.

[notagain91]

I have another question.

Could cheap (off-brand, unknown) condoms allow the transmission of HIV even if they don't break? I ask because a few months ago I remember I topped someone and the condom we used was sort of in cheap packaging and I didn't recognize the brand (if it even had one.) In regards to lube, I know using oil based lube is bad because it breaks down latex. Does this mean that the risk of breakage is higher or does this mean that the condom will fail to prevent transmission even it doesn't actually break?

thanks.

[Andy Velez]

Cheaper brand condoms are generally latex, which is exactly what you should be using. More expensive ones are lambskin and not as effective in protecting against transmission.

When a condom breaks it very obvious what has happened because it ends up looking like a hoop with fringe on your penis. A condom failing is not about itty bitty holes as people often fear. It's very clear when it fails.

There is no reason to believe from anything you are reporting that you were at risk.