Author Topic: Crazy or not? (Read 7298 times)

MoltenStorm · « **on:** July 13, 2007, 02:08:51 pm »

This may be a somewhat theological question, but it's how I've felt ever since I got over the initial shock when that nurse told me I got a preliminary positive on my HIV test. When the emotions settled, I 'felt' something click into place - almost as if (going with the belief that every life has a purpose) there is something for me to accomplish in this life that couldn't have happened had I not become HIV+. I know a psychiatrist would probably label me crazy, but it was a very profound experience. I always tend to re-evaluate myself from time to time, so this post may be partially because of that. However, that's what it 'feels' like.

Comments?

PS - MtD and AU, I already know what your comment would be - being the assertive Atheists that you both are. You'd probably label me crazy.

That's ok. I like you both anyway.

Edited to replace "mystical" with "theological."

PJC0510 · « **Reply #1 on:** July 13, 2007, 02:12:44 pm »

Sometimes it takes a life altering experience to realize that we all have a purpose in this life and want to accomplish it.

I think my purpose in life is to make people laugh!

And we are all crazy, some of just get caught!

Have a great day!

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #2 on:** July 13, 2007, 02:13:05 pm »

Hi Molten,

I feel the same way as you. I am a MUCH stronger person mentally now, and I wonder what the hell I am here for? I mean, there MUST be a reason that God has put me on this path with HIV. I am unemployed, usu do work as a bookkeeper, and now I am wondering if I should be in the schools, handing out condoms and telling the teens, "Yes, it can happen to you, too." I just feel the need to educate amd spread the word, but can't get out from under my shell right now, and that's OK.

So, we can be crazy together....I am just waiting and wondering, and I keep telling myself I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Cindy

woodshere · « **Reply #3 on:** July 13, 2007, 03:03:58 pm »

Faith really doesn't have to enter this conversation at all. I think everyone from the most devout religious person to the most Atheist of Atheists face situations that change their lives. Divorce, death, terminal illness are just a few of the things that might make a person examine their life or serve as an instrument to gain purpose or change direction for good or bad.

Like you Molten, when first learning I was poz last year, I thought I needed to try to find some redeeming value in being poz. I did a bit of activist work in the beginning, but realized what I needed most was to concentrate on me rather than hiding behind that search for redeeming value.

Woods

Bucko · « **Reply #4 on:** July 13, 2007, 04:43:27 pm »

Moltie-

As someone who believes in preordination and fate, I believe each of us has a destiny that is our obligation to fulfill. This belief enriches every aspect of my life, and has led me on the colorful path I've trod.

There's nothing crazy whatsoever in seeking a meaning to life, but I personally would have stuck with "mystical" instead of "theological".

Brent
(Who is quite deep)

thunter34 · « **Reply #5 on:** July 13, 2007, 04:58:59 pm »

Quote from: Bucko on July 13, 2007, 04:43:27 pm

Moltie-

As someone who believes in preordination and fate, I believe each of us has a destiny that is our obligation to fulfill.

Brent
(Who is quite deep)

But if it's all preordnained and fate, can't I just kick back and do as little as possible since it's all gonna happen anyway?

Tim
(Who is quite shallow)

DanielMark · « **Reply #6 on:** July 13, 2007, 05:14:03 pm »

Molten,

For what it’s worth, I don't think you're crazy in the least for believing what you believe. Whether a shrink would or not is irrelevant in my books. At least you believe in something in a world that can be cruel and harsh and lost for purpose or meaning.

I should have been dead many times over by now, but here I am. WHY, I do not know, but I don’t believe in happenstance, or fate or anything along those lines. I believe everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what that reason is (yet).

I believe in a force of great love and infinite abilities that I cannot define really, it just is and has been in my awareness all my life, although sometimes it did not seem to be there, or I just chose to ignore it.

I don’t expect or need other people to understand that, and I don’t ask them to, although at least one close friend of mine does. My belief brings me a sense of meaning and inner peace when people cannot. That’s good enough for me.

Daniel

Iggy · « **Reply #7 on:** July 13, 2007, 05:23:03 pm »

I hate the idea of faith and callings and all that jazz....only because when my life was tail diving towards the bottom I couldn't fathom that somehow this was all supposed to be - even though I felt powerless to change it.

At the moment life is looking pretty good and their is plenty of things to look forward to on the horizon (at least one spectacular thing(person)) so it's a good time for me to revisit the question as posed by you.

I think the calling you feel is very real and it is something you should acknowledge and follow up with - whether it is that of a mystical or theological nature is rather moot. Frankly it is a calling within yourself that you should not ignore - I say you would be crazy to not investigate and honor it.

Bucko · « **Reply #8 on:** July 13, 2007, 05:30:50 pm »

Quote from: thunter34 on July 13, 2007, 04:58:59 pm

But if it's all preordnained and fate, can't I just kick back and do as little as possible since it's all gonna happen anyway?

Tim
(Who is quite shallow)

Tim-

The cost of "ducking" one's fate is the doom of coming back for another chance. Lessons need learning and will be one way or another.

Brent
(who knows what he believes)

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #9 on:** July 13, 2007, 06:31:33 pm »

Religious/mystical/spiritual "beliefs" are what humans do to fill in the blanks. We can't handle not being able to understand why something is or is not and so we make up stories/fantasies/superstitions to tide us over until we work out what's really going on.

Not only that, somewhere along the way we discovered that religion (and for the purposes of this I place all that airy-fairy superstitious shit you lot adhere to in the box marked "religion") is an exceptional device of social control.

MtD

thunter34 · « **Reply #10 on:** July 13, 2007, 06:51:36 pm »

Quote from: Bucko on July 13, 2007, 05:30:50 pm

Tim-

The cost of "ducking" one's fate is the doom of coming back for another chance. Lessons need learning and will be one way or another.

Brent
(who knows what he believes)

How is it even possible to "duck" fate? If it's bound to happen?

Tim
(Who believes we ultimately just don't know)

ndrew · « **Reply #11 on:** July 13, 2007, 07:00:38 pm »

I am beginning to think we are becoming biologically, pharmacologically and psychologically evolved and superior.

Drew

thunter34 · « **Reply #12 on:** July 13, 2007, 07:03:52 pm »

I've always strived for superior pharmacology.

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #13 on:** July 13, 2007, 10:42:03 pm »

Thanks guys. It's good to know that some others feel that way too. At least I know it wasn't a Sustiva moment, but seeing as I wasn't on meds at the time, that doesn't quite work. Oh well.

MtD - You never disappoint, dahling.

You pesky Atheist, you.

xyahka · « **Reply #14 on:** July 13, 2007, 10:55:31 pm »

Just to say that i agree with you Molten in fact, what you wrote is exactly the way i think.

Juan Carlos, a believer.

Jnm594 · « **Reply #15 on:** July 13, 2007, 11:40:56 pm »

I don't think you are crazy at all. I have learned that sometimes you can't see the forest for all the trees. Do I have a purpose? Yes and I'm very grateful that I don't have to know what it is I just have to keep showing up..

DanielMark · « **Reply #16 on:** July 14, 2007, 05:28:41 am »

Good morning Molten,

Here’s another concept that I strongly believe:

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee." - Marian Wright Edelman

As my sig line says, follow your honest heart.

Daniel

Lisa · « **Reply #17 on:** July 14, 2007, 07:02:44 am »

Crazy? no.
I too, believe that I have an opportunity to make a difference despite this virus.
Need I say more?

Carolann · « **Reply #18 on:** July 14, 2007, 01:07:52 pm »

Well, it is possible to separate, theology and a purposeful life. I don't believe that nay god wanted me to get this so that I could find meaning in my life. I do however believe that adversity regardless of where its source is has the effect of putting life into perspective for some of us. It all depends on if we choose to learn from our experiences or not.

As far as religion, I agree with MTD. It is nothing more than a collection of stories pulled out of people's arses to control the masses, and gain power. So much harm has been done in the name of it than can ever be rectified. I envy those who can delude themselves in the myth of a God who gives a damn about whatever the hell is happening to each of us. Ah, sweet delusions.

Nevertheless, I respect the right of people to believe in whatever they want as long as they don't hurt anyone, an impssiblity I know, because most religions are used to opress and control, and lead people into not questioning the status quo, so that they don't realize how unfair the balance of power and wealth is anywhere in the world.

A very interesting look into how people pull such rubbish out their arses can be found on the 2 part frontline documentary on the Mormons. I found it fascinating, and darn right scary. The funny thing is, is that the claims of this religion are no more outlandish than any other religion. Any religion that opresses women, gays or any group is deplorable.

CA

BT65 · « **Reply #19 on:** July 14, 2007, 07:34:39 pm »

I don't know that I believe in predestination, although I used to. I think we just make choices with some aspects of our lives. For instance, was my drug use "predestined" to mean something amazing? No, I'm just an addict. I do, however, believe in karma. I think that the more good we put out, the more good comes back to us. (And I love John Lennon).

koksi · « **Reply #20 on:** July 14, 2007, 08:12:32 pm »

It would be cruel to disallow anyone dealing with HIV their own way of making sense of their infection. So regardless of what my own personal feeling about 'religion' is, I can see that some people with HIV may wish to find mystical meaning in their condition.

The larger issue to my mind is not whether or not one needs to find meaning in a higher power or a supernatural point of reference, but simply that meaning must be found. I know that I struggle to see my HIV infection as a purely biological circumstance, devoid of morality in itself. I struggle against the meanings that mainstream society places on HIV, that it is somehow a marker of moral failing. But if I struggle against the damaging narratives attached to HIV, I can't struggle against narrative itself. Indeed, even reducing my infection to a simple matter of biology is a kind of story I tell myself about it.

For me, the main thing is to find a way to return to happiness, to feel less bad about myself for getting infected (for failing to stay safe), and to conduct myself in a moral manner. Thus, I want to increase the happiness of myself and of others. This means being a good person, a kind person. If only I could find a way to be kind to myself...

Razorbill · « **Reply #21 on:** July 14, 2007, 08:44:28 pm »

I think having HIV is a life altering experience in and of itself - it demands change and action. Hearing the diagnosis has quite an impact. I think that shock resets the brain's priorities and habits pretty much instantly, although it takes a while to sort it all out.

DanielMark · « **Reply #22 on:** July 15, 2007, 05:24:43 am »

The larger issue to my mind is not whether or not one needs to find meaning in a higher power or a supernatural point of reference, but simply that meaning must be found.

Koksi,

It seems that in order to really respect another person's inner life beliefs, a person needs to have had similar kinds of experiences to which they can personally relate. Often they simply do not, so they decide instead to bash any beliefs which they just can't personally understand. Why people need to belittle that which helps bring meaning to a fellow human being’s life, or their search for meaning I’ll never understand.

Daniel

Cliff · « **Reply #23 on:** July 15, 2007, 07:37:37 am »

Doesn't sound crazy to me. Good luck on your journey....whichever route you choose.

ds4146 · « **Reply #24 on:** July 15, 2007, 12:54:51 pm »

“anyway, what I believe is that what happened to me, revealed me”; It’s funny, it seems people need obstacles to bring out their finest qualities.” E. B.

i could not have found better words to describe my feelings on this subject.

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Author Topic: Crazy or not? (Read 7298 times)