Sharing something incredibly private - hoarding!

[mecch]

Compulsive collecting running into hoarding runs in my family.  My Mom and my uncle both suffer terribly. 

I watched those American series about hoarders and found them very helpful and scary too.  I talked to my shrink and have been tackling keeping my own tendencies in check.   I was always a collector of many various things and it was always in control until I broke up with my ex, had a breakdown, then serocoverted, then adjusted to that. 

I've spent the last few months already getting rid of stuff.  It was hard in April and May keeping up the pace because my energy was low, and two HAART changes.  My feet were hurting terribly with the Norvir - but its resolved almost completely with the switch to Isentress - just some morning and late evening soreness.

First I emptied a storage room I took when I split up with my longterm ex-bf. 

In June I managed to chuck an entire garden - more than 10 years of plants and hundreds of pots.  Gave away the nice ones to friends with gardens.  Many many trips to the city recycling to get rid of all the earth and old clay pots.  It was a garden based on a gravel courtyard and there was no natural place to chuck it all.

The apartment is still quite a nightmare but getting better by the week.  I'm quite a clean freak, but can tolerate incredible amounts of disorder. Now I'm putting things in order. For instance, while I have stacks of beautiful antique linen sheets and change them every couple of days, this week is the first time in several months I actually made my bed up the way it always used to be.

I don't think any of this mess would have happened if I had been living with someone - in fact, it was really a surprise that I let the disorder build so much, so quickly.  It started as redecorating and buying new things to put my old life behind me - and then after a year spiraled out of control. 

Now, on holiday, its quite fun and satisfying in the end, coming to terms with self-regulation for my own sake.  I love that I have all different things to live with, down to the last teaspoon, and it will be fun to have it all in place and liveable soon, having dinner parties, etc.  In fact to make sure that I dont have too much I bought about 6 big old armoires and cabinets - one for each room, and all the stuff will go in, behind glass, making rest for eye and keeping down on dusting in the future.  The goal is, anything that doesn't fit in a closet or armoire, has to go!



 

[Matty the Damned]

Unless you live like this:

You cannot call yourself a hoarder.

MtD

[mecch]

He he, the original hoarders!  

While I don't have 10 grand pianos in a dilapidated town house, I am typing this from my new bedroom and looking at three crystal chandeliers - one waterford, one murano, and one marie therese of unknown origin, none of them hanging because I finally decided on the san francisco gay 90's brass one that is hanging!  There are at least half a dozen other lustres hanging in the attic!

While my abode is not as bad as that pic, my mother has rooms that bad, so I am very very on guard!

PS - no hoarding of garbage, newspapers, etc etc here.  Oh my god, have you ever seen the Hoarder series (there are two different ones).  The things people hoard, and their rationales, its otherworldly, when its not also quite funny to an outsider.

[mecch]

I'll tell you what, if the board will be kind and encouraging about this, I will post before and after pictures in September . 

[weasel]

  I LOVE Crystal Chandeliers 
  Can never have too many fine antiques 
  Bob cringes when I find new very old Lighting fixtures  LOL
  I found a fixture that really looks like an EGG Platter ! Has Crystals  hanging off it !
  And a week later found the matching BABY  one !  I love them !
  I say if you got the room it is not clutter !
                                                                 Carl

[Dachshund]

I am typing this from my new bedroom and looking at three crystal chandeliers - one waterford, one murano, and one marie therese of unknown origin

Sounds like a bad case of labelqueenitis to me.

[David_CA]

While it's good you're getting rid of unnecessary 'stuff', just make sure you don't get rid of something that you actually want / need.  I'm just kidding, kind of; I tend to keep lots of things around, too!

David (whose husband often calls him a horder)

[mecch]

Yeah me too on the chandeliers but it took me quite a few purchases to figure out that my new aesthetic runs less to Louis XVI and Marie Therese and more to black lacquer, brass, Regime's, Biba, San Francisco Hippy, florescent pressed tin, vaseline glass, boobie, Italian 60's and 70's neoclassical modern, film noir, Venetian.  The only constants are Thonet and Bauhaus

[mecch]

If ANYONE has a lead on a Fenton Gone With The Wind lamp, in bright blue or fuscia, for less than the 500 I see them for on ebay - I'm BUYING!!!

[john33]

Mecch,
having just moved i just discovered loads of useless things I'd been keeping "just in case i light need it again" and cursed myself thouroughly.

But you've just put me in perspective.

Mind you that feeling after the sort and tidy is soooooo good. enjoy

(by the way sorry I can't help you on the lamp)

John

[Hellraiser]

PS - no hoarding of garbage, newspapers, etc etc here.  Oh my god, have you ever seen the Hoarder series (there are two different ones).  The things people hoard, and their rationales, its otherworldly, when its not also quite funny to an outsider.

You mean like bagging and storing their own feces?  Yes I've seen that. they're probably saving it to fingerpaint their walls in a lovely shade of brown.

[skeebo1969]

I'll tell you what, if the board will be kind and encouraging about this, I will post before and after pictures in September . 

I won't give you a hard time about it.  I tend to be an extremely sensitive person who would never make fun of someone else's personal issues.  Can you at least post a before pic right now?  I think it would be best and might just inspire you to accomplish your goal faster.  Post a pic Mecch, I won't say anything negative. 

C'mon we wanna see this fucking pigsty you've been eating caviar in..  right guys?

[Matty the Damned]

I won't give you a hard time about it.  I tend to be an extremely sensitive person who would never make fun of someone else's personal issues.  Can you at least post a before pic right now?  I think it would be best and might just inspire you to accomplish your goal faster.  Post a pic Mecch, I won't say anything negative. 

C'mon we wanna see this fucking pigsty you've been eating caviar in..  right guys?

Whereas Skeeter will be the soul of sensitivity, Matty the Damned will excoriate you mercilessly.

So yeah, go on. Post the pictar!

MtD

[phildinftlaudy]

Congrats Mecch-
I try to fall (sometimes not as successfully) the rule that if I have looked at it or used it for 6 months then I probably don't need it.... and I dispose of accordingly.

Of course this rule does not apply to certain body parts....

[Hellraiser]

Congrats Mecch-
I try to fall (sometimes not as successfully) the rule that if I have looked at it or used it for 6 months then I probably don't need it.... and I dispose of accordingly.

Of course this rule does not apply to certain body parts....

I'm actually very spartan I regularly throw things out when I forget they exist.  Regularly go throw my stuff if it's in storage or boxes and toss it.  The only exception is clothes for some reason I'll hold onto a shirt until it's just a midriff T

[Rev. Moon]

Sounds like a bad case of labelqueenitis to me.

Don't blame huh for sitting there having a late dinner with the finest Dom Pérignon and caviar under her fine chandeliers (which she forgot to mention belonged to royalty at some point) as she types this entry. 

Blame her for the misleading title; I don't see how this confession is something "incredibly private."  It would fall under that category if the story involved hoarding used condoms or other mementos from her adventures with fabulous and famous rich men at Harvard or in Geneva.

This entry puts the meh! in mecch.

[Miss Philicia]

Do I need to disclose before hoarding Murano lamps in my bushes or not? 

[OneTampa]

OMG!  Last week I began a post about hoarding and decided to delete it.  I intended to ask about it as  I found out that a friend I recently re-connected with is a hoarder and is very aware of it.  He is a nice guy, handsome, well educated and works in the health field. When I offered to come over and help him move some stuff, he nearly bit my head off.  I was too through!  I later found out that many of his things carry memories of friends and times.  The other stuff is just that--stuff and clutter.

This is an interesting topic.  

[Merlin]

Everyone's a hoarder to some degree if one dares to admit it. There's a huge difference between a home and a showroom. Once I visited the showroom house of an ex boss to drop off some work stuff and man, his place looks unlived in. He had that place for years. The sofa still had the original plastic polytene wrappings!
He was so proud of his immaculate mansion and followed me everywhere (as if he was afraid I would touch anything) whilst he boasted about where he bought all his expensive antiques and furnishings. It was so stressful that I almost dared not even breathe !
I heard from the office staff that his wife left him becos of his obsession with keeping everything overtly orderly to the dot. It translated at work too. He was a control freak.

Unless compulsive hoarding starts to block access ways to any room, I believe holding on to some precious memories in stuff is healthy. That's my view. 

[WillyWump]

My mother is a hoarder on the realm of what's pictured above. She lives in a 3 bedroom house and all the rooms are full of crap, old magazines, a ton of yarn, old coffe cans, empty styrofraom egg cartons (thousands of them). etc... etc... oh and 3 cats. There are trails through the house, she sleeps on the couch next to a pile of 5 year old newspapers.

I am so repulsed by it that I find myself throwing out everything that I havent used recently. If I havent used it in a month, its tossed. I started collecting Hallmark Kiddie Cars, and then decided I had too many (6 of them) so I sold them on Ebay. Dont get me wrong I love to go to Estate Sales and bring back a box of crapola, but none of it stays around too long, I either give it away or sell it on Ebay.

Right now as I type this I can pack up everything I own into 3 boxes, except for the furniture. I like it this way.

JUST SAY NO TO CRAP!

-Will

[Rev. Moon]

Right now as I type this I can pack up everything I own into 3 boxes, except for the furniture. I like it this way.

Good.  It will make your move to Philadelphia or Miami a lot easier.  Unless you are still planning to move to Argentina to become Mrs. Jesus Hernandez.

[GSOgymrat]

"If you haven't touched it in a year it doesn't need to be here." - Ford

[WillyWump]

Good.  It will make your move to Philadelphia or Miami a lot easier.  Unless you are still planning to move to Argentina to become Mrs. Jesus Hernandez.

I get moving to Argentina for "Jesus". But Philadelphia....are you suggesting that I move to Philly to force the unrequited love issue with MissP?

And who the hell is in Miami?

-Will

[Miss Philicia]

Good.  It will make your move to Philadelphia or Miami a lot easier.  Unless you are still planning to move to Argentina to become Mrs. Jesus Hernandez.

What kind of cocksucker only has 3 boxes of possessions?  That wouldn't even hold my shoe collection.  I bet Wumpy even rents his furniture.

[Rev. Moon]

I get moving to Argentina for "Jesus". But Philadelphia....are you suggesting that I move to Philly to force the unrequited love issue with MissP?

And who the hell is in Miami?

I believe that you and La Felicita would make one lovely couple. 

Who's in Miami?  Hmmmmpf.... Did you expect me to move to awful San Antonio when you proposed a few weeks ago?

[WillyWump]

I believe that you and La Felicita would make one lovely couple.  

Who's in Miami?  Hmmmmpf.... Did you expect me to move to awful San Antonio when you proposed a few weeks ago?

Oh my bad. I forgot I proposed to you. There's just so many to keep track of. *sigh*.

@MissyP - ummm, ok Imelda Marcos you need to downsize the shoe extravaganza.  and no I dont rent my furniture. I did however get my Natuzzi Leather living room set second hand off Craigslist.

and your blatant silence regarding my reference to our unrequited love is deafening...and it stings.

-Will

[Miss Philicia]

and your blatant silence regarding my reference to our unrequited love is deafening...and it stings.

-Will

I'm too busy laughing at your hand wringing about hot weather in Vegas when you live in San Antonio.  Anyway, I'll quickly be second fiddle with whatever cheap rentboy you pick up after gorging on buffets 24/7.

[Rev. Moon]

I'm too busy laughing at your hand wringing about hot weather in Vegas when you live in San Antonio.  Anyway, I'll quickly be second fiddle with whatever cheap rentboy you pick up after gorging on buffets 24/7.

Good heavens.  That ghastly "classy" twink cannot be 19 as he claims.  But my oh my, what gift he has been given between them legs.

[Matty the Damned]

Good heavens.  That ghastly "classy" twink cannot be 19 as he claims.  But my oh my, what gift he has been given between them legs.

Ugh. I know. Such things are wasted on some boys.

I always fancied the Vumpy and Teddy would make a cute twosome.

MtD

[WillyWump]

I'm too busy laughing at your hand wringing about hot weather in Vegas when you live in San Antonio.  Anyway, I'll quickly be second fiddle with whatever cheap rentboy you pick up after gorging on buffets 24/7.

FINALLY, you have found something I can sink my teeth into. Now I need to find another $225 for the Vegas trip. Much obliged P, Much obliged.

-Will

[Rev. Moon]

I always fancied the Vumpy and Teddy would make a cute twosome.

Throw Miss Trey in the mix and they can have a little rednecky pozzie love-nest.

[mecch]

Rev.Moon -
I come to this forum for community and support.  Yeah entertainment too.  Please spare me your off-topic, personal attacks.  Nasty Ignorant Shade describes your response to my thread very well.  Hoarding is a real problem and its comes with shame and it IS something very private and I didn't open this thread to invite abuse.  

If you were a gentleman you would apologize for your gross remarks, rather than wearing them as a badge of honor.  

Now stop haunting me please with your negative presence - in this thread and elsewhere. Keep your cattiness on topic, at least, that I can respond accordingly.  

And rethink the global purpose of why people belong to this community.  

If I need a reality check via workaday bitchiness like yours, I can go to the local queenie bar.

[emeraldize]

Hey Mecch,

I've seen one of the Hoarders series--quite a number of the shows were run back to back one weekend. I was glued to the set. I didn't realize there are two series. I think it's fascinating as a disorder and tragic for the sufferers.

I'm not a hoarder, but I definitely have some stuff to chuck---mostly papers/books----but a LOT OF PAPERS/BOOKS.

So, no matter that you've got chandeliers laced into your piles of stuff, I think what I'm reading is you are trying to confess and address as a way of movng on.

I have several friends who are in the same boat and we talk about it---it's reassuring to know that you're not the only person who has a hard time making decisions about what to keep/toss.

And, it can be motivating to fess up and then someone can ask periodically, so, how's it going? Is the living room clear yet? Are you still sleeping on the couch? Have you put that whatever for sale on eBay or taken items to Goodwill or Salvation Army.

I am determined to get my stuff cleared out!! You wanna share a before picture? Please do. Cuz when you post the After picture or pictures, I will root you on.

Wanna set some goals on this? If not here, via PM. I'm envious of people who have a way of dealing with the materials flow in life---clothes, receipts, tools, incomplete projects, paint and on and on.

Hell, I did a deep clean on condiments in the fridge recently--after looking at shelf lives online for some stuff I had and that was very educational. Dumped a bunch of contents, recycled the glass jars and purchased new mustard. Done.

So, I don't know if your comments to Rev. Moon are serious or humorous---I'm not in tune with all the subtle interplays here anymore. But, I think you started this thread in the hope of getting some support.

I'm game.

Em

[Assurbanipal]

Hey Mecch,

I've seen one of the Hoarders series--quite a number of the shows were run back to back one weekend. I was glued to the set. I didn't realize there are two series. I think it's fascinating as a disorder and tragic for the sufferers.

I'm not a hoarder, but I definitely have some stuff to chuck---mostly papers/books----but a LOT OF PAPERS/BOOKS.

Oh NOES!!!!    !!!!

I used to think that maybe I had too many books. 

But that was an error!!  I merely did not have enough bookshelves.     After all, a wall of bookshelves provides superior insulation, decorative elements, safety, amusement, world peace...

But now, perhaps I don't have enough walls.

 

[edfu]

The only thing I've ever "hoarded" was books (and Playbills, over 1,000).  Since I had been working in book publishing for 35 years, it was not at all surprising or unusual.  I was also lucky enough to have a room in my NYC apartment of 25 years I used as a library and computer room.  In addition, I had book shelves on one wall of my living room, floor to ceiling, 12 feet high.  In all, I had an estimated 2,500 books.  When I moved and had to downsize, most of those books had to go.   

It was a real struggle to give them away.  No one wanted them:  NYC Public Library, Housing Works, Gay Men's Health Crisis (I had one of the largest privately owned collection of titles relating to AIDS), Salvation Army, etc.  Part of the problem was that I was living in an 1850 Georgian townhouse, on the fourth floor, with no elevator.  I attempted to sell some of what I thought were the most valuable, but it wasn't worth the effort.  The most I got for one of them was $100 for a first edition of Hunter S. Thompson's "Hell's Angels."  Finally, quite by accident, my ophthalmologist agreed to take most of them, particularly the AIDS collection.  In the end, I had to call a "junk collector" the day before my move, and he removed several hundred to be scrapped.

It was very painful, and I still regret not keeping more than I did, but the situation became a crisis right down to deadline.     

[mecch]

So, no matter that you've got chandeliers laced into your piles of stuff, I think what I'm reading is you are trying to confess and address as a way of movng on.

I have several friends who are in the same boat and we talk about it---it's reassuring to know that you're not the only person who has a hard time making decisions about what to keep/toss.

And, it can be motivating to fess up and then someone can ask periodically, so, how's it going? Is the living room clear yet? Are you still sleeping on the couch? Have you put that whatever for sale on eBay or taken items to Goodwill or Salvation Army.

I am determined to get my stuff cleared out!! You wanna share a before picture? Please do. Cuz when you post the After picture or pictures, I will root you on.

Thats a really sweet post and yes, you nailed the issue - even though I don't have piles of garbage, I've got piles of funky interesting beautiful stuff and it has destroyed the functionality of my home, compounded by piles of all sort of other unattended to business.  Overwhelmed feeling for more than a year - just doing my job well and enjoying that.

Pictures will come 1) when I figure out a picture hosting site and 2) when I trust I won't be abused here.

[Matty the Damned]

Thats a really sweet post and yes, you nailed the issue - even though I don't have piles of garbage, I've got piles of funky interesting beautiful stuff and it has destroyed the functionality of my home, compounded by piles of all sort of other unattended to business.  Overwhelmed feeling for more than a year - just doing my job well and enjoying that.

Pictures will come 1) when I figure out a picture hosting site and 2) when I trust I won't be abused here.

1) http://photobucket.com
2) Tuffen up, Mary.

I, for one, cannot wait to see rooms filled from floor to ceiling with cuckoo clocks and fondue sets.

MtD

[edfu]

when I trust I won't be abused here.

When pigs fly....

[Dachshund]

Look, I don't give a rat's ass, but nothing described here is about hoarding. Self-centered navel gazing, you bet. Hoarding, no way.  

[edfu]

Self-centered navel gazing, you bet. Hoarding, no way.  

As I said:  when pigs fly....

[Jeff G]

What is navel gazing ? I would hate to miss out on a new fangled insult I may could use at the right moment .


Never mind ... I looked it up . I'm surprised it didn't have my pic by the definition .

[Dachshund]

As I said:  when pigs fly....

Oh honey, keep repeating that ad nauseam.

[edfu]

If you want to use Latin, you should spell it correctly.

It's "nauseam." 

[BlueMoon]

1) http://photobucket.com
2) Tuffen up, Mary.

I, for one, cannot wait to see rooms filled from floor to ceiling with cuckoo clocks and fondue sets.

MtD

Sounds like we could be talking Luriddigs.com* here.

*Not safe for work or human sight.

[Matty the Damned]

Sounds like we could be talking Luriddigs.com* here.

*Not safe for work or human sight.

Indeed.

MtD

[Dachshund]

If you want to use Latin, you should spell it correctly.

It's "nauseam." 

thanks doll, duly noted

[mecch]

So today I started on the mountains of clothes.
It's a wrenching experience to sort and get rid of stuff.
Plus some I am getting rid of because I got fat in the last 18 months.
Some I am saving because I might go back to normal?
And some I get rid of because I am too old for the style.
And some I get rid of because it reminds me of times I don't want to remember.
I wish I had the courage to throw it all away but some I want to keep and wear. And need to wear in my life. And I don't have much cash to replace an entire wardrode.
I bought a couple of pairs of fat jeans since its just the waist and tummy that seems to have expanded so quickly. All the rest of it is sort of unnoticeable in clothes, which still fit everyere else, because I was gangly before and some meat on the bones is welcome.  I kind of like filling out the shirts in the shoulders, arms.

The key is that I bought those armoires for every room. So eventually, every thing I want has to fit in th armoire in each room.
This is arbitrary and it helps a lot to force the purge.
Its very hard each time I have to start this work and several times during it I have to stop and breathe or have a Temesta or cry.  I cry at least once every day I really work on this mess I have made.
My shrink said it was fine, however, and just to keep on pushing even if its stressy and sad and tiring.

[skeebo1969]

So today I started on the mountains of clothes.
It's a wrenching experience to sort and get rid of stuff.
Plus some I am getting rid of because I got fat in the last 18 months.
Some I am saving because I might go back to normal?
And some I get rid of because I am too old for the style.
And some I get rid of because it reminds me of times I don't want to remember.
I wish I had the courage to throw it all away but some I want to keep and wear. And need to wear in my life. And I don't have much cash to replace an entire wardrode.
I bought a couple of pairs of fat jeans since its just the waist and tummy that seems to have expanded so quickly. All the rest of it is sort of unnoticeable in clothes, which still fit everyere else, because I was gangly before and some meat on the bones is welcome.  I kind of like filling out the shirts in the shoulders, arms.

The key is that I bought those armoires for every room. So eventually, every thing I want has to fit in th armoire in each room.
This is arbitrary and it helps a lot to force the purge.
Its very hard each time I have to start this work and several times during it I have to stop and breathe or have a Temesta or cry.  I cry at least once every day I really work on this mess I have made.
My shrink said it was fine, however, and just to keep on pushing even if its stressy and sad and tiring.

Pics or it never happened....  I didn't read the above by the way, but I see the word cry in the part I quoted as I type this.  Did you stub your toe?  Pics or it never happened....

[mecch]

You'll get pics when the project is closer to finished.
I can't take the meanness and lack of understanding of the seriousness, since I'm guarding my strength for the project itself, it's touch and go, doing it alone.

[leatherman]

hang in that and keep tackling it a bit at a time. What a personal acheivement this will be for you when it's all completed.