I only had safe sex. Why was I still infected?

[Sumstar]

Maybe I should really buy some lottery tickets.
I only had sex with four men before,  with all of them wearing condoms. But this June I was confirmed as HIV-positive. Then I wonder what the cause is.
Out of four times of anal intercourse, only two of them were completed (ejaculation), with intact condoms all the time. The other twos only lasted for about ten minutes without ejuculation, so I rule out the possibility of them getting me infected.
However, on one occasion, I was inserted with a dilbo which didn't have a condom on it. And the process was also very short. Days later I realized I might have unprotected and unsafe sex and, what's worse, the men was using the dildo with someone elso beforehand. Maybe one or two hours prior to my sex. (By the way, now I am 90% certain the man using the dilbo is hiv-positive)
I checked the case then found many people assert it's impossible to transmit HIV with a dilbo since the virus is very fragile outside the human body. In addition, the dildo seemed to be clean (perhaps washed after the previous use). And we were in a room cooled by the air-conditioning, making the virus harder to survive. So I thought I was safe.
Then one year later, I was diagnoised. As I always knew oral sex can also be risky, I wouldn't be tempted to contact someone's penis with my mouse if any symptom like ulcer or gum bleeding exists. So the possibility of me getting infected through oral sex is extremely low as well.
But the confirmation letter tells I was indeed infected with either of the two ways, though both of them should have been 100% safe.
I feel I couldnt' be more unlucky. 

 

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Sorry to hear your story, you sound very raw and upset from being diagnosed, when & how did you test as you mention June and a letter? What are your current labs like CD4's and VL? Are you on treatment?

Unfortunately there is no such thing as safe sex just safer sex, its all about risk reduction.

As for the route of infection it does not really matter but at some stage you must of had a biologically viable exposure so the dildo is simply out and all that remains sexually is either unprotected intercourse, broken condom (as HIV does not transmit through an intact barrier) or giving a BJ as you say its a very low risk item but still a risk.

Anyhow welcome to the forum and if you have any questions regarding living with HIV we are here for you.

Jim

[mecch]

Hi welcome to the forum.

It sucks you got infected with HIV.  You must be in shock.

I am a bit confused about this: 

"But the confirmation letter tells I was indeed infected with either of the two ways, though both of them should have been 100% safe.
I feel I couldnt' be more unlucky."

Maybe its just the way you worded that.  Are you saying a some health official PUT IN WRITING how you were infected?  Strange.  Or do you mean, you have a letter saying you are infected, and you are trying to deduce how, from your actions.

I really don't think doctors like to pronounce on "the how".  I say this from experience. And I am writing a note to you because I had the same mystery about how I got infected with HIV.

In conversations with 2 different doctors, they let me know, that very very occasionally, its just impossible to figure out how someone got infected by looking at the sex practices.  If everything seems to be on the "safe" zone, but there is infection - sometimes it will just always stay an unresolved question. 

I know from experience that it can take a long time to be OK that a question like this, may never be answered.

What people told me on this forum - other HIV+ people - when i joined, was that, in another way of looking at it, it doesn't matter so much in the long run, going forward.  One has to deal with the bigger reality that now one is HIV+.  HOW it happened, oh well.  You might very well belong to the "select" few who will never get an answer, how it happened. 

With time, you'll just have to let that question go.

Do you have confirmation that you are HIV+ -- and by what blood tests?  A letter from whom?  Based on what?

You need a confirmation blood test, and to see a doctor and learn about treatment, if you are HIV+.

[kentfrat1783]

Hi Sumstar,

Just a few months ago I was diagnosed and had a lot of the same feelings and questions.  It's normal.  But even after I met with my ID (infectious disease) doctor in the hospital he told me not worry over how I got infected.  Isn't worth dwelling on in, but I still do.  Then again I was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia and I learned that way so my mind was on other things as well.

The area Health department came to see me about my new condition and she was shocked at my numbers, as my CD4 count was so low.  She also said I had to of had it for years, so even when others asked if I was clean I said yes since I thought I was clean. 

But as the others have asked, have you got the confirmation tests?  What are your numbers like (CD4 and viral load)?  Then again, have you started on medication yet? 

It isn't like it was in the 1980's and there is help with the Rx's.  Just make sure to ask questions and to do your own research.  The CDC sites was a great first resource for me. 

Things will get better. 
Kenneth

[Sumstar]

Hi welcome to the forum.

It sucks you got infected with HIV.  You must be in shock.

I am a bit confused about this: 

"But the confirmation letter tells I was indeed infected with either of the two ways, though both of them should have been 100% safe.
I feel I couldnt' be more unlucky."

Maybe its just the way you worded that.  Are you saying a some health official PUT IN WRITING how you were infected?  Strange.  Or do you mean, you have a letter saying you are infected, and you are trying to deduce how, from your actions.

I really don't think doctors like to pronounce on "the how".  I say this from experience. And I am writing a note to you because I had the same mystery about how I got infected with HIV.

In conversations with 2 different doctors, they let me know, that very very occasionally, its just impossible to figure out how someone got infected by looking at the sex practices.  If everything seems to be on the "safe" zone, but there is infection - sometimes it will just always stay an unresolved question. 

I know from experience that it can take a long time to be OK that a question like this, may never be answered.

What people told me on this forum - other HIV+ people - when i joined, was that, in another way of looking at it, it doesn't matter so much in the long run, going forward.  One has to deal with the bigger reality that now one is HIV+.  HOW it happened, oh well.  You might very well belong to the "select" few who will never get an answer, how it happened. 

With time, you'll just have to let that question go.

Do you have confirmation that you are HIV+ -- and by what blood tests?  A letter from whom?  Based on what?

You need a confirmation blood test, and to see a doctor and learn about treatment, if you are HIV+.

Thank you for your reply.
I'm sorry to use the confusing word. By confirmation letter I actually mean the diagnosis report given by the hospital after my blood test.
And you are definitely correct. I can't be entangled with the past, simply because I can't change them. Thanks again for your concern.

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Thank you for the message and the details. Very much appreciated.

For the moment I will ask you to stay in this thread, do feel free to post questions and concerns you have here and the other members will be able to support you in this thread.

Take it easy.

Jim

[Sumstar]

Thank everyone here. A quick update on my situation.
I just got a detailed report yesterday. My CD4 counts for August was 216 (not quite different from 194 in July yet still inspiring), the viral load was 65,000, maybe not too bad?
I also got the medication. But at the very beginning it was kinda scary, the doctor directly put three different pills on the table and told me to eat them together everday. And for one tablet it even needs to be taken twice per day, if I rememberd correctly.
I had no idea about this combination of drugs but it's definitely far away from my expectation. An imagination of too many pills everyday and the more serious side effects appeared in my brain. A lot of patients I know here are taking the most advanced pills like stribild, genvoya, complera and triumeq.
I must have a very disappointing face at that instant. After seconds of hesitation, I pointed triumeq in the drug box and almost beseeched her 'Doctor, can I have this?'
Very surprisingly, she immediately said 'No problem, you can eat whatever pills you want here. If you wanna Triumeq, I will give it to you.' I really can't figure out her thought but feel so grateful to her.
I'll start to take the pills very soon. Wish me luck!

[Jim Allen]

Glad to hear you are doing well and started Triumeq.

Take it easy

Jim

[mecch]

Sounds like they try to "lob off" the generics.  In most cultures, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. That means you have to speak up and ask for what you want/need. Which you did, so congratulations!

Also don't worry about long term side effects. I mean don't get distracted by that.

Also, the 4 pills were probably fine, with no side effects. But yes, less convenient to take.

[lightalltheway]

Hello Sumstar,

First, let me welcome you on this forum. You are in a place where you will almost find an answer for all your doubts and questions.

I am sorry for your diagnose, rest assured that things will be fine with time. Just give time some time, you will see strength in you which you never had seen before.

Please do not consume yourself with questions about how, when, who i contracted the virus from. Transmitting the virus, is a complex medical issue which also can vary from one person to the other.

I was in your place not long ago, spent nights trying to figure out the missing part of my story. Used to spend hours (I mean really hours at night) to write down dates, names, sexual activities and try to link these together. At the end i found myself really alone and far away from reality, the reality which requires me to look forward. I say this and i don't want you to go into the pain. Please.

Life is beautiful, take care of your health. Work parallel with your health care provider. Use this crisis as an opportunity to provide yourself a new version from your own. life will not bring you any better chance, believe me.

Please write to us, to me, whenever. Happy to help.

Prince