Meeting friends from the past?

[FiercenBed]

a friend from high school called tonight and wanted to get together over the holidays. another high school friend called last week and wanted to meet for a drink and i lied that i had to work. iv lost 40 lbs in 3yrs and am really thin now. despite bad numbers i have put about 10 pounds on. anyway looking at past and current photos there is clearly a physical difference in my appearance. even the nosey woman in my building said one day in the elevator....."whatz wrong got the big 'a'"? shes a bitch...lol.

should i avoid my str8 friends who know im gay since i look so bad and hopefully will get myself back together in the future? or just go out and side talk around it? im no where near ready to disclose!

[Eldon]

Hey FierceinBed,

There is a reason that you are having these meetings with your old friends. There may be something of value for you in the conversations you will have.

As far as your disclosure goes, you said it yourself that you are not ready to disclose. Don't let that hold you back from being social with others. If it happens to come up in casual conversation, you will know then whether or not to disclose.

Don't worry about that woman in the Elevator.

Make the BEST of each Day!

[aupointillimite]

Ideally, I'd like to say that it's no one's business. In fact, it is... I like reading Miss Manners (guilty pleasure), and this woman wrote in to complain that people butt into her business when they find out she goes to law school with inappropriate remarks about her financial situation.  I think the second thing to say at the end of her response is best.  I think it would be pretty easy to tailor this to your situation.

If you dislike the unfiltered remarks people make when hearing that you are in law school, wait until you hear what they say when you are a lawyer.

Miss Manners is afraid that a great deal of casual conversation consists of the first things that pop out of the tops of people's heads without passing through the brain. Sort of like most e-mail.

Lawyer jokes are especially popular among those devoted to cliches, although every profession attracts its share of derogatory remarks. So perfecting the awkward pause might be useful.

Miss Manners recommends a mirthless smile rather than a wry one. The corners of the mouth rise, but nothing else on the face moves. The pause created by not responding should be awkward only for the person who made the awkward comments.

However, if you feel you have to say something, here are two suggestions:

"Education is expensive, isn't it? I don't know why anyone bothers."

"You're so kind to worry about me. I think I'll manage, but I'll keep you in mind if I run into trouble."

[poet]

Hi.  I am glad that you brought this into the open (of the forum).  Yes, the woman on the elevator has simply stated what you had buried inside of yourself: you look different.  She, for whatever reason, drew the line between lost weight and AIDS.  But you are simply hiv positive, right? You have lost 30 actual lbs. of weight, adding back what you gained.  There is no reason to explain to friends the real reason (disclosure) for the weight loss.  You can say, honestly, that you have been under a lot of stress (at work?).  You can come up with a better answer, one which doesn't open the door to a friend to pick up the thread.  I think that I am reading that you would like to go out with your friends, but that your changed looks are stopping you from doing so.  Spending time with friends is good.  So I hope that you will relax a bit, put away the old photos and step out as your new self.  Best, Win

[IzPoz]

Meeting up with old high school friends could be a blessing in disguise.  Who's to say that these people have not changed dramatically?  What if they have become totally opposite of what you remember?

Do what others have said, you don't have to tell them your status... you can tell them you are under a lot of stress at work.

It took me 12 years to tell my high school friends, and we never lost contact!! 

Go... enjoy the meetings.  Have fun, and most importantly, relax.

[aztecan]

Hey Fierce,
How long has it been since you were in high school?  When I went to my 10-year class reunion, nobody looked the same.

Many had porked out to enormous extents. Others appeared totally different from their high school days thanks to beards, hair - or lack thereof, etc.

Yes, you look different today. So what? I would wager they do as well.

You say you aren't anywhere near ready for disclosure. So, don't disclose. Should these friends ask about your weight loss, simply say, as others suggest, you have been under a lot of stress. Or, if you like, use some other explanation and then change the subject.

Please don't hide yourself. Go out with these friends. Have a drink or dinner or whatever with them. Don't be afraid to live just because HIV is now a part of your life.

This is especially true at this time of the year. The "holidays" are tough enough for many of us. Don't make them harder by isolating yourself.

As someone else suggested, put away those old photos, put on your "Sunday clothes,'" as the saying goes, and then go for it.

HUGS,

Mark