depressing time

[juzzz]

Hi and thank you very much for this great site. I´ve got a lot of good information from  the earlier posts and answers. I´m from Finland so I hope you can understand most of  the text..

28 days ago I went to a thai-massage place with my friend and we got some massage. The same woman did my friend first, then me. At the end of the massage she tried to "sell me sex". She wanked me with lubricant, licked my balls just for 1-2 seconds and licked shortly the glans of my penis. Because I refused to pay any extra she stopped after ca. 5 mins. She MAY also have rubbed her vagina against my penis (my eyes were closed). Afterwards I have tried to recall if there was any chance of penetration and as time goes by my mind is convincing me that there was. I'm probably just thinking of the worst. I have had lots of sex before and i know how penetration feels like so i should have noticed that, right? It doesn't  happen just like that. Well..I'm probably just paranoid about that. As we were collecting our stuff she was not wearing her underpants so the vagina-penis contact is possible (and even penetration but I'm trying to not "create such memories"). Afterwards we have thought that she might have just taken her pants off at the end as her last chance to sell sex, who knows..

I got sick (flu) in 2 days days and was sick for a week. I got diarrhea, cold chills, flu-symptoms etc. I didn't have fever really, no swollen lymphs. I know that these symptoms could refer to anything.. Also I had lower abdominal pain, lower back pain, testicle pain (quite severe) and just a little pain while urinating.

I had a urine test done on the first week (for bacteria) and other stuff but nothing was found. At day 11 I went to SD tests (chlamydia, hiv, gonorrhea) and got a appointment to a doctor (SD specialist) for day 12 because of the quite severe testicle and abdominal pains. The tests were negative and she said I do not have to take more tests. I asked about the early hiv-test and she said that because I had been sick it   probably had shown if I had an infection.

After these symptoms went away my stomach hasn't been in order for a day and I've got bad flatulence. Now I have had almost for a week severe joint pain and burning sensations in various joints (but mostly knees and shoulders) which is freaking me out. Also the muscles near to the joints are aching. I've read that joint pain in many joints refers to viral infection. I've eaten paracetamol but it doesn't really help. This is my situation now.

Maybe the worst thing is that I'm in a relationship and I'm afraid of infecting her, too. After the massage I didn't have sex with her until I was told (I visited a AIDS-center) that I had no risk and I didn't have to go to tests. I believed it at that time but now the symptoms tell me a different story.

I really wish I could go on with my life but you must know how hard it is if one is really scared. I can't stop thinking about this and it affects my life VERY badly. Also my relationship. What should I do? I try to think I'm negative but anyway I'm sick somehow and I think I might have got the decease from the masseur. I'm freaking out because I haven't had this kind of symptoms (joint pain, messed up stomach) earlier and the chance of infection. Of course I'm going to see a doctor if the symptoms won't go away in few days. On monday (day 30) I'm also going to a hiv-quicktest.


Thank you very much for your help!

[Andy Velez]

Juzz, basically I think you are worrying needlessly. You've had enough experience to know that when you penetrate a vagina (or an anus) you definitely know it's happening.

Nothing you are reporting symptomatically is in anyway suggestive of HIV transmission. Which is no surprise since nothing you are reporting of your actual sexual activities would have put you at risk for HIV.

I suspect this is more about some guilt for having strayed from your relationship. Which is just something you will have to let go of . You did what you did and now you need to get on with your life. If your symptoms persist you should do some follow up with your doctor.

I don't see any need for HIV testing since the only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Of course you can get tested at 3 months simply for your peace of mind but I don't think that's really necessary.

Based on what you have reported this is not an HIV situation.

[juzzz]

Hi and thank you for your response! As I said I went on monday this week (day 30)to take a quicktest and it was negative. It was a minor relief although the tester said it doesn't tell us anything yet (too early). She told me that other people produce antigenes more faster than others and vice versa. I totally believe in the tests but I also know that I can be one those who produce antigenes slowly..

I still have some symptoms and the worst is joint pain (knees, elbows, shoulders) which spreads sometimes to the near muscles. I can't stop reading about this issue and discovered that long lasting joint pain in more than one joint can refer to HIV. This is what I'm most concerned about. The joint pains began on the 3rd week. Now the joint pains have lasted for almost 2 weeks.  I don't have many other symptoms exept one swollen node on my neck, one sore spot in my throat and tiredness.

I wish my symptoms were stress and guilt related but it is really difficult to think that way. I hoped the 1-month test would relief my stress but it didn't..I have to wait for the 3-moth test.

I have tried to get on with my life but the symptoms just wont go away and that is frustrating. I wish this nightmare would be over and I wouldn't have done what I did. I can't enjoy the coming summer and I can't be normal around my girlfriend either.

But I also know that there is hope, because I'm quite sure there was no intercourse..I'm sure I would have noticed that. And I know that there is just  negligible chance to get the virus some other way.

[Ann]

juzzz,

If there was no unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, then there was no hiv risk. NO RISK.

As there was no risk, you can take that 30 day negative to be conclusive. You do not need further hiv testing. You do not have hiv.

If you feel unwell, work with a doctor to find out what, if anything, is actually going on. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with hiv.

You do not have hiv.

Ann

[juzzz]

I'm sorry that I have to bother you again.

In four days 2 months have gone after my possible infection. I'm still afraid I might have an infection because I'm sick.

I don't have diarrhea or flatulence anymore, but I still have pain in my knees everyday, they were also swollen for some time.
I have also a big swollen lymph on the right side of my neck (under chin) for about 3 weeks now. I can feel some kind of lump in my throat all the time (when I swallow). There are also few red "pimples" in my throat and for 2 days now a red sore spot.
Last but not least the tip of my urethra is red and a bit swollen like every second day.

I can't find any other explanation than HIV, because the symptoms began after my exposure. Also I did a chlamydia+gonorrhea test (day 11), so it cant be anything like that. I haven't had any symptoms like these before and somehow I think they occur because of my weakened immune system.

Can my symptoms be ARS related?
Is it possible that primary symptoms last this long?
I tested negative at day 30 (too early) and had already joint pain at that point..shouldn't i have tested positive if these symptoms were ARS?
Is my lymph system making antibodies to something because a lymph node is swollen all the time?

I've been waiting for the symptoms go away, but it won't help. I'm beginning to think there was brief intercourse after all although I was sure there wasn't. I don't know what to think anymore. Also my girlfriend has noticed I act weird and she's asking me about it all the time. My biggest wish is that at least she would be all right.

Thank you for your help.

[jkinatl2]

I can't find any other explanation than HIV, because the symptoms began after my exposure.

I have quoted the most important part of your latest post.

Despite having been told over and over that you cannot possibly have had a risk for HIV, you have decided that anything and everything that happens to your body is HIV. YOu are looking at everything through HIV goggles.

I honestly don't know where to go from here. I could reassure you that your symptoms sound NOTHING like ARS. I could go on and on about what constitutes an exposure. But this will likely elude you, as you seem bent upon determining the "punishment" for your perceived indiscretions.

HIV is not a punishment. It is a virus.

[juzzz]

Hi again,

now its about 2 months since my "risky" situation. I'm trying to think it was a no-risk situation as you say but it's difficult because my symptoms wont go away.

I'm sorry if I have been annoying and I know that HIV is no punishment..

Today I went to see a doctor and asked about my symptoms (joint pain, lymph node, pimple in my throat). He didn't find anything. I wish that I'm just overreacting. Anyway he's going to make some blood-testing soon.

I'm going to take my conclusive test quite soon because already 2 moths have gone.

If my symptoms WERE hiv-related (ARS) they would not last this long, right? (1,5 months).
Also my symptoms have come one or two at a time..if it would be ARS they would come all at once, right?

Thank you again!

[RapidRod]

If one has ARS symptoms that last 1-2 weeks.

[Andy Velez]

And ARS symptoms all come at the same time. It's good you're checking things out with your doctor. I don't see this as being an HIV situation and I expect you to test negative.

[juzzz]

Thank you for encouraging me. I get my results from the bloodtest on monday morning and then I will know more.

I've been thinking about my exposure again and again and now I'm 100% sure that there was NO penetration, because I recall that I was already shocked about her giving a brief lick on my penis. So basically it was only a handjob, I didn't come etc. so it was a no risk situation as you say.

So I think that I have good possibilities to become out fine on the tests I'm going to make. But I'm still worried somehow because all my symptoms started after this incident. Maybe it is only guilt (I hope) or something else. I have also developed folliculitis on my arm and I have about 4-5 pimples in my throat. But maybe this is all just a bad coincidence.

However I'm going to tell you about the results (blood and STD) after I get them. Thank you again. It is really important for me that someone is telling me about the facts and that I can talk to someone about this. I won't bother you after getting hopefully my negative result.

[Andy Velez]

Juzzz, I continue to expect a negative result for you.

Incidentally, where you ejaculate (cum) or not, is irrelevant in terms of risk to you. The risk from ejaculation during unprotected intercourse is to the receptive partner.

[juzzz]

Thanks for the quick answer. I know cumming is irrelevant and as I said I didn't have intercourse.

I got my lab results from my doctor this morning. CBC, CRP, ESR and RF (rheumatoid factor) were all in good ranges. This gives me some peace at this point, although I know that these tests won't tell anything about hiv, right? At least I know I don't have Rheumatoid arthritis wich is of course nice to know, but my joint pain remains a mystery.

I don't have many days until my 3 month mark and I'm going to take my tests then and I will infrom you aswell about the results, which hopefully will be negative.

[Ann]

juzz,

You also already know that you don't have hiv. You had a negative test - a CONCLUSIVE NEGATIVE test - already. You never had a risk in the first place, so you are hiv negative. Conclusively so.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned!

Ann

[juzzz]

Hi,

I got my 3 month results - NEGATIVE. I just wanted to end my thread so people who have read it will know how this ended up.

I want to thank the moderators for help, I appreciate it wery much!

My symptoms are still there but now I know for sure they are not hiv-related which is a big relief. If someone is intrested you can read about my symptoms in my previous posts.

What did I learn of this? I will never again put myself in such stupic situation where all this began (ok..I believe now this wasn't even a risk..) or act in such a stupid way like I did. I know also what it is like to be really afraid and what it can cause. I cannot give any good advice for people like me..if one is afraid there is nothing that can be done. For me testing was the only way to forget about this.

I have to say to the moderators that this is absolutely priceless work you are doing. This was the only place where I got real help.

I wish all good for the moderators and people on this forum.

Once again thank you, bye!

[Ann]

juzz,

You're welcome.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann