Lesbian Advice

[Justanid1234]

Are there any lesbians in the forum?  I identify as transgender, female-to-male.  (If we were to meet in person, you'd assume I'd been born a male.  However, I have a vagina.)

I'm in the beginning stages of a relationship with a female and I'm super nervous about telling her.  Any advice on telling other women your status?

Also, I'm looking for risk of transimission from female to female.  EVERYTHING I find involves a penis and semen.

Thanks.

[BT65]

Hi Just, so sorry it's taken me so long to respond.  The reason you can't find info on lesbian transmission on HIV is that it is so rare, there have only been a couple cases.

http://www.aidsmap.com/Rare-case-of-lesbian-transmission-of-HIV-reported-in-US/page/2837236/

This is a reliable source.  As you can see, the transmission resulted from the women having rough sex with insertive sex toys resulting in blood being drawn, and having unprotected sex while the HIV+ partner was having her period.  Plus the woman had dropped out of HIV care and stopped her meds.  So her viral load was probably pretty high.

Otherwise, it doesn't happen.  There has never been a case of transmission via oral sex between lesbians.  There is just no way that would happen, too many barriers in the mouth, plus the glands that release vaginal fluid that may have virus traces in it are way up in the vagina, so the person giving the oral sex can't even reach them. 

And, welcome to the forums.  While I do not identify as lesbian, I am bisexual and have had a relationship with a woman since being diagnosed.  Unfortunately it didn't work out, but not because of the HIV.  We had sexual contact but I don't remember her giving me head.  But that was because it was during the very early 90's and not much was known about the disease, let alone there being any studies done on women. 

As far as disclosing, that's a very personal issue.  I never had a problem with it, though sometimes it seems that stigma is as alive now as it was when I was diagnosed, in the late 80's.  But, as a former moderator (who I miss very much) said, "the more we hide, the more we have to hide."  And, some people are more accepting.  I think you will know when the time is right.  But, as for the sex thing, that's what I had found.  I read about the last case when it hit the news. 
Again, welcome!

Betty