im poz wife is neg (question)

[midland moe]

Ive read alot of the answers here, and elsewhere, but I havent gotten a definitive...yes or no...as to my situation. Oral sex in general is described as "safer sex"...

I am hiv positive, diagnosed in april of this year. wife has tested twice and thankfully is negative. (tested right after I found out, and 3 months later.) We havent had any sexual contact since I found out.

here is my hypothetical question.

Is there a risk of transmission to her if I perform oral sex on her? I am STD free (hiv aside). I am not undetectable (yet) on my viral load, but assuming I achieve undetectable status from all I gather there is either NO RISK or virtually no risk to her becoming infected from me performing oral sex on her.

[RapidRod]

No.  There is no risk of you giving her HIV from going down on her. Use condoms for vaginal and anal sex and she won't contract HIV. Didn't you discuss this with your ID doctor?

[midland moe]

No, I am getting treatment through the clinics at the local public hospital. They are extremely hurried during appointments, and answer any questions with a referral to counseling from some local HIV group or another...I admit I should seek help from counseling, but as of yet, I am relying on what I can read here and elsewhere on the net for my info. Its indigent healthcare inother words...they are not uncaring, just extremely busy and overworked...there is 1 nurse practicioner and 1 MD for the entire HIV clinic. (which services the entire city of roughly 600,000 people)

Thanks for your quick response Rod, but to be 100% clear in my mind...

there is NO chance of transmission thru oral sex me on her

or there is only a "theoretical" risk which could be described as minute or almost no risk?

also are we wise in waiting until I become "undetectable" before resuming even this type of activity?

[Andy Velez]

Mid, I join Rod in affirming there is absolutely no risk to her in you performing oral on her.

You may want to know there are ongoing longterm studies of sero-discorandant couples, both straight and gay. There has been lots of unprotected mutual oral and only protected intercourse, both vaginal and anal. There results have been that not a single HIV negative partner has become infected.

Just keep using condoms for intercourse everytime.

Cheers,

[midland moe]

Thank you Andy and Rod for your fast responses. I have looked and looked, and it seems that when assessing a "risk" to oral sex all of a sudden there doesnt seem to be a distinction between oral between a man and a woman and oral between 2 guys, where I can see that it is 2 entirely different activities taking place.

I guess for further assurance if anyone knows of any "official" literature or studies that I could be pointed to read on my own I'd be greatly appreciative.  I appreciate the info Ive gotten here, but for my sake and hers, I would like to get a second third fourth opinion etc...but Im not gonna ask everyone here to chime in...

a link to a study or website etc and I will do the reading myself..I just cant seem to find any that deals with man on woman oral sex exclusively, and from what I gather there does seem to be some risk associated with other types of oral sex...

I am not trying to be argumentative or discount anything you have passed on to me, but I do want to arm myself with as much info as I can. thanks so much for all the support...I get so much out of jsut reading here alot of the time.

[Ann]

Moe,

You won't find a study that deals with man on woman oral sex exclusively because there isn't one. Saliva is not infectious and so there is no reason to do such a study. You would NOT be putting your wife at risk by going down on her.

You also won't be putting her at risk by having intercourse while you're wearing a condom. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection, provided they are used correctly and consistently. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.

And welcome to the forums!

Ann

[loop78]

I'm writing just to make you feel safer, as you've already been answered by some of the most knowledgeable people in this forum.

There is no risk on oral when the poz is the one performing oral sex on a neg. This is true whatever the sex of the two people involved.

What is more controversial is the risk associated with oral when the neg is performing oral sex on a poz. Here the opinions range from a "no risk" assessment to a "very low risk" one. Is in this last scenario where oral health, viral load and whether there is ejaculation may play a factor. Anyway, the studies Andy has quoted include this kind of practice, so the risk, if there is indeed one, is pretty low.

Welcome to the forums!

[dixieman]

Midland moe... I guess this gives you a get go to Eat away!...

[raveboijosh]

well sorry to ask another question in someone else's but I have been completely baffled about the oral sex thing... I am gay.. and the positive one... should my partner not perform oral sex on me... I am undetectable.. I totally understand that intercourse should always be safe... but what about oral?

[loop78]

well sorry to ask another question in someone else's but I have been completely baffled about the oral sex thing... I am gay.. and the positive one... should my partner not perform oral sex on me... I am undetectable.. I totally understand that intercourse should always be safe... but what about oral?

Josh, the risk is supposed to be really really low. That really low risk is even lower given you're already undetectable. There are also the studies Andy mentioned of serodiscordant couples who had unprotected oral and there were no infections. However, ultimately it's up to both of you to decide where to draw the line of the level of risk you're able to assume.

For example, if you wanna know my personal view about this, I'm also in a serodiscordant relationship. However my viral load is pretty high, as I'm not on meds yet. That's why I decided not to have my partner go down on me. However, if I were undetectable, let's just say things would be different. 

Sorry for the highjack! 

[ArisGreekSquared]

The risk is really low, however, if you have a tendency to pre-cum then it may not be recommended.  Your mouth does have protective enzymes to acquire HIV infection through your mouth but isn't 100% safe.  I'd say if you don't pre-cum there's no reason your partner can't give you a bj.

[raveboijosh]

thanks guys!