Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

My 23 year old son was diagnosed HIV pos 10 days ago

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leatherman:

--- Quote from: Jaz7days on May 28, 2023, 11:06:46 am ---I am angry.

--- End quote ---
I'd suggest you try at being just frustrated not angry. The old saying is that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink probably applies in a situation like this. You can teach your children how to protect themselves from as much as possible but that doesn't always mean they'll remember to apply those lessons in the heat of a moment....about anything, not just sex. There's no sense in being mad at your (adult) kid for bad decisions. Just be frustrated....especially since this situation is surmountable.

I learned a long time ago, you can't be mad at the partner either. Very rarely is HIV spread by someone who actually knows their HIV status. The other person can be just as clueless as you son was until he got sick. Most states have a contact tracing program (where they anonymously contact people who the person recently diagnosed gives them as others possibly exposed to HIV) not only to get possible exposures to get tested; but often because people could just as well be the undiagnosed people spreading HIV without their knowledge.

Another reason to not be mad at any partners is another old adage - it takes two to tango. In this situation BOTH partners are equally "guilty" of not taking the proper precautions. Two people made equally bad decisions to not only not use protection but also to not be tested yearly. Either action (of testing and using protection) by either party could have avoided this problem.

And that's why anger isn't the best response here. Don't be mad at your kid. He may have made (several) stupid mistakes; but that's what people do. Also he doesn't need to be influenced to be mad about whoever  transmitted HIV to him, since he is just as responsible for not being responsible.

But I say all that with the hindsight of 40 yrs and doing a lot of peer support. This early time after diagnosis is hard. Coming to grips with being sick, with your own poor judgement, other people's thoughts about your diagnosis when you disclose. Both of you will be going through a lot of emotions for a while. But, in some time, your son will get healthier and you'll both not be as upset as you two are now.


--- Quote from: Jaz7days on May 28, 2023, 11:06:46 am ---poor kidney function is a very prominent hiv symptom.

--- End quote ---
Not really. However, some meds can be hard on a body. If this turns out to be the issue, there are other meds that can be tried. Right now though, just out of the hospital with pneumonia (more than likely that means high viral load and low cd4s - an AIDS condition) he could be having kidney problems simply because he's been so ill.

Tonny2:

--- Quote from: Jaz7days on May 28, 2023, 10:10:03 am ---Thank you so much appreciate you and I hope ur eye starts feeling better soon
[/quot.   

Mmm.         pko            ojo.      Thank You For your que tķ dices

As our moderator said ď it tales two to tangoĒ, so, itís important to accept and forgive himself
About acquiring the virus, if he/you need help, talk to his doctor and Iím sure he/she will be able to offer you professional help. You are not alone, we are also here for youÖas soon as he gets UD, he will feel better and will start to learn to learn to live with hiv, all it takes is just one ďvitamin neĒĒĒĒ vitaminĒ a day and a good attitude. NOW THAT HE IS POSITIVE HE NEEDS TO BE MORE POSITIVEĒÖitís better to be a fighter than being a victimÖ please keep us posted
--- End quote ---

Jaz7days:
He definitely does not know my mix of emotions. I Stay upbeat and positive with him and we havenít even discussed where he may have contracted it from. My message to him is we will get thru this.  I am just venting on the forum and I appreciate the listening ear and advice. Jim youíre so right I can lead him but I canít make him drink it. We will get thru this I brought him back to CT for the recovery and he is getting stronger every day. Itís definitely frustration to be honest Jim itís a mix of emotions but I would never feed negative to Charles to be angry at himself or anyone, would never ever, thatís a no no. Like I said he has no idea how I feel. Just being a supportive mom. Itís tough he is an adult, itís only so much I can do, but he is leaning on me to get him thru this and I shall. Iím learning about this disease didnít know some folks can go undetected for so long. The doctors can pinpoint when he contracted due to the viral load. They think within the last 3 or 4 months, on set of symptoms 3 weeks after contracting and he been battling pneumonia 2 months. I pray once he gets better his kidneys start functioning better. Once again thank you everyone.

Jim Allen:
Hiya,

Sorry to hear that your son has been unwell, and I wish him a speedy recovery.

I think Leatherman has provided plenty of good advice regarding getting treatment, so I have nothing to add to that.


--- Quote --- The doctors can pinpoint when he contracted due to the viral load.
--- End quote ---

If it was indeed such recently acquired HIV, then your son has even less to worry about as it has been picked up and he has started treatment before it can cause unchallenged any measured or unmeasured real damage to his immune system and health.

However, they can't pinpoint using the viral load, and if it was within the last few weeks/months, then pneumonia, thankfully, has nothing really to do with his HIV status.

At best, they could run what is known as "RITA" (Recent Infection
Testing Algorithm) this could indicate if an infection was within the previous 4 to 6 months. However, that's about it, and even then, it's just a guess, and it cannot give an accurate date of anyoneís HIV infection.





leatherman:

--- Quote from: Jim Allen on May 29, 2023, 09:38:04 am ---However, they can't pinpoint using the viral load, and if it was within the last few weeks/months, then pneumonia, thankfully, has nothing really to do with his HIV status.

--- End quote ---
I agree.

After a recent infection, the viral load will spike high (as the infection sets in) before dropping to very low levels. If left untreated, HIV will destroy cd4 cells of the immune system, the viral load will rise and after some time (years usually) be high again. Eventually the cd4s are just too few to work properly, and once <=200, a person living with HIV can start dealing with opportunistic infections. That's why it's hard to pinpoint the length of an infection sometimes, because a high viral load can be the start of the infection or at the height of the infection.

One of those HIV-related opportunistic infections (with a severely weakened immune system, some diseases are able to take the opportunity to take hold) is PCP pneumonia. Kind of like the uncertainly in the viral loads though, pneumonia comes in a lot of flavors (about 30 different causes; and quite frankly, it's easy to have pneumonia). So your son, especially if it's a more recent HIV infection, could just have "regular" pneumonia because he is in a weakened health situation.


--- Quote ---Like I said he has no idea how I feel. Just being a supportive mom. Itís tough he is an adult, itís only so much I can do, but he is leaning on me to get him thru this and I shall. Iím learning about this disease
--- End quote ---
Oh, I hope I didn't come across harshly with what I wrote. Text always just lacks nuance. LOL Me and other long-term survivors (diagnosed prior to 1995 when there wasn't really any treatment) have just found that dealing successfully with HIV takes a positive attitude - if you'll excuse that horrible pun. :) It's normal for people sometimes to want to push blame around in this situation, when really, the truth is, what's done is done and like getting any other diagnosis of a health problem, the best way to treat the issue to is more forward.

It certainly sounds like that's what y'all are doing and congratulations to both of you. Your son for getting on treatment and getting back to being healthy; and you for being the support you are. It's tough now; but as trite as it sounds, things really will get better.

BTW, POZ.com has a whole bunch about HIV and treatment at https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics which you can also get from the HIV/AIDS BASICS link in the top menu of this site. Of course, you or your son can just ask questions here too. Your son is welcome to join into the forums too. :D

Wishing your son a speedy recovery. I've had pneumonia several times and it sucks...and not in the good way. LOL Recovery is frustrating and time-consuming but it is recovering and moving closer every day towards feeling normal again. ;) My time in the hospital (a 5 day, a 9 day and a 3 day stint) is why my motto for decades has been: any day, no matter how terrible the day is, that I'm NOT in the hospital is still a GREAT day! :D

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