Have you ever been Discriminated against for having HIV/AIDS?

[newbernswiss]

 Have you been discriminated against for having HIV/AIDS in the workplace, family, friends, whatever?  :'(How did u handle it?

[bear60]

Oh sure...my family was .... " dont hug and kiss" ....and I am a very hug and kiss kind of person.  My nephew pushed me away...it hurt.
but....all my friends became HIV positive so we had a grand old time...and then they died and here I am left with my memories of them

[RapidRod]

No, never have I been discriminated against.

[Jnm594]

The one that really hurt was when my uncle (married to my favorite aunt) puilled me aside and told me that I could see my aunt only away from their house. Asshole.

And there were "rumors" flying around in a deal I was working on with some sanctimonius holy rollers that were trying to invest church funds with my investors on a land deal and they told the investors that they wouldn't work with someone that has "you know". But the deal fell through and I made it a point to fuck them out of their money so they didn't get one red cent. Guess I'll pay that karma back someday. Almost forgot about that one. It was actually quite fun.....

[Maestro]

One of the care-takers for my Uncle got up and left after she found out he was HIV+.  She was some dumbass who obviously didn't read his case.  We had 2 people doing 12 hour shifts weekdays and 2 people for the weekends.  Middle of her shift she says "Oh, you have AIDS?".  Gets up and leaves.  He calls me panicing because he wasnt even able to wipe is own ass at this point.  The company she worked for was VERY helpful.  The owner felt awful.  He even went over himself to finish the shift.  Otherwise, it would have been lawsuit central!  And this coming from someone who HATES the idea of suing people.

M

[momoftwo]

When I visited my mom during my pregnancy she bleached the toilet bowl after I threw up or peed if she was around. She also bought home this huge box of latex gloves to clean the shower whenever I took one.
 In the ER I was termed as a high Fiver out in the open where people could hear.
One of the lab techs just this past month remarked how irresponsible it was for me to have children while HIV positive.
I went to a support group that I did not know was for gay men and they did not let me enter. I just needed to talk and see that people lived with this disease.
A "friend" no longer asked me to babysit once she found out I was positive. She no longer allows our children to play together.

[DCGUY2007]

Yes by some other Gay people (boyfriends/ friends).  This is why I don't tell everyone so freely anymore. I used to go around just telling people. I then had some bad experiences.

[Dan J.]

Yes, everytime I try to hug or kiss my Mother on the cheek she turns her head away from me & she keeps about 6 inches between us.

Dan

[jack]

I have no idea, I have never told anyone,but you would think because of my face some would suspect it. I have several friends who are doctors and they have never asked. I am glad I havent told anyone because I would be imagining all kinds of discrimination.

[Grinch]

I had a physical therapist that wouldn't come in the room without gloves and mask.  I asked for another one and made my concerns known in a calm and professional manner..  She is no longer employed at that hospital.

[Iggy]

Yes by other Gay people /boyfriends/ friends.  This is why I don't tell everyone so freely anymore. I used to go around just telling people. I then had some bad experiences.

Funny, but until I read DCguy’s post I hadn’t even realized that the only people who have ever discriminated against me because of my status is other gay guys….hmmmm   

[pozattitude]

yep, at a dentist office back in 2000;  Of course it wasn't a blatant discrimination.   I went for a check up and after I told them I was HIV+ they said they didn't have any openings, and the wait was over 6months...a big fat lie.
A few time on Mancunt I had people tell me they didn't "play" with poz.   Funny thing is I have it very clear on my profile HIV +, and ONLY looking for POZ.  I actually like when this happens, so I can say, no, I am the one who will not play with you...lol

Rich
(who sero selects)

[mjmel]

In 1991, I had a relative put out styrofoam cups when she served coffee, once. While we had our coffee I informed her of the dangerous and under what conditions. She was just misinformed and was doing what she thought was proper. She never bothered with styrofoam cups again.

Other than this incident no discrimination for being HIV+ . Of course, I don't easily disclose because ignorance is still rampart in the modern world.

Mike

[AlanBama]

I've dealt with discrimination by just about any group you can think of, except my family, who have NEVER been anything but totally and completely loving and 100% supportive to me.

When I lost 35 lbs in 1991 with MAC of the liver, I had no choice but to tell my employer I had AIDS.   At first, they were very good about it; after all, it was the State Dept of Human Resources....but as time went on, things got uglier.   I hung on for almost 4 years, sick, afraid and looking awful.   My face and neck were consumed with molluscum, and I was wearing thick makeup to work every day (which did little good).   I hovered between 1 and 10 T-cells so I was wearing a surgical mask to work.  After the office Christmas luncheon in 1994, my boss came into my office and closed the door.   She said "I don't think it's a good idea for you to attend any more office functions."   That sealed my decision to follow my doctor's advice and file for SSD, which I did in March 1995.

My last day of work was so sad for me.   No cards, no party, no cake....just leave.    When I read the lady's obituary last year who asked me not to attend any more office functions, I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me some satisfaction to know I had outlived her.  I've made my peace with all of it, and I have tried to release all my anger and hurt, but sometimes it will slip back up on me.   As Joe so wisely said in another thread, Anger and Hatred are poison and it's best not to keep them bottled up.  They can destroy you.

[Oceanbeach]

I have spent almost 9 of 11 years, trying to return to work...  A former health care provider clinic had an opening for a part time, public relations specialist.  The salary would have improved the quality of my life ten-fold.  There were 6 final applicants, I was the only one with a portfolio.  I sizzled, there was an expressed concern over HIV funding and a hope to meet with Governor Davis.  I brough a tape of Governor as a guest on my L.A. radio talk show.  Getting that Governor to Clearlake was childs play.  I was on it, 100%, there was a second interview to be held by the Board of Directors of the clinic.  I was a member of that Board of Directors, and Chair of the Community Advisory Board on HIV issues.

The President of the organization, the V. P. of Operations and the VPHR, were not aware that I was an HIV patient at their clinic.  A week later, I was in the clinic, met the V.P. Operations as I was coming out of the exam room with my doctor.  I got a call that afternoon, I was not being granted the second interview, thank you for applying to MCCH and good luck in your employment endeavors.  I was friends with everyone on staff and did nothing.

I applied for a marketing director position for a L.A. based Jeep aftermarket company and was hired.  I got really sick right before leaving for my first day of work and had to quit by phone.  That was not really discrimination because I tried to return to work too early in my AIDS treatment.

There was an import/export company in or near Long Beach, they need a sales manager.  It was 6 months in L.A. and 6 months in Guam, I was also going to develope an improved employee safety program.  First interview in L.A. office with company owner.  It went well.  Soon, there was a visitor at my house, it was a nice woman with a small child.  She introduced herself as his daughter-in-law, lived in the neighborhood and asked me to give him a call.  I did, he came to my house for the second interview and I was hired.  Now, I had a monthly supply of meds every month and was to plan for a few months in Guam... I did the most stupid thing in the world of HIV treatment... I asked the new employer about the availability of HIV meds in Guam.  They can always find a better qualified applicant.  I did nothing.

When I moved to Sonoma County three years ago, there was an opening posted for a safety manager for the Dept of Water.  I completed the applicatio online, including a 15 page report on how the county could reduce its losses in workers compensation by $2 million per year.  I saved the letter from the County HR Department, stating that I was the highest rated applicant, given a list of the 5 people in the interview and the subject each wanted to talk about.

I sizzled at that interview... They were hanging on to my every word.  I was asked to sign the release for the background check and that was a hire signal.  The director of risk management, took me on a tour of the new office complex and to the front door.  I have PN/foot drop ansd every step became visibly painful.  A better qualified applicant was found.

For the last 2 years, I had been serving a a commissioner with the Sonoma County Commission on AIDS, have been on all of the tasl forces and all of the sub-commities.  I also published a web site to draw support to Congress on RWCA issues.  I have attended the l;ast 3 HIV Planning retreats and served the funding committee.

With the loss of RWCA Title I funding, the County of Sonoma and its HIV care facilities and ASO's will be facing a public relations nightmare.  I suggested to the commision on AIDS that I take the time put together a business plan, 3 years cost projections, some samples of radio, TV, print and direct mail pieces and potential marketing budgets.  There was also plans to hire through and with community reconnect, a task force which I am a founding member and open a for profit business to support an non-profit care system.  They chose to do what they always have done, form a public relations committee.  I resigned from the commission and all of its subcommittees.  I do attent meeting as an interested member of the public and I can only speak during the first three minutes of a meeting.

I have had HIV for about 13 years and AIDS for about 11 of those years.  Most of the last 11 years has been a financial disaster in terms of not knowing if the rent could be paid this month, if there would be money for a phone and other utilities.  I have always done with something to pay my monthly bills and as a result have not had two nickles to rub together of my own but perfect credit.  I have met a lender in Sonoma county and another in Lake and Mendocino who will find private money to help me set up a business.

Since my hospitalization with PCP and my Summer of AIDS diagnosis, I have been working on a safety product to help companies reduce workers comp costs, improve employee satisfaction and all the good things a company needs to remain competive.  I have developed this project into 9 industry types with potential hazards covered for each department.  I contacted an old client for a reference and got orders from 10 western states.  After 11 years of doing without everything in order to jusyt stay alive, I bought myself a present. Seven months ago, I was constantly and continuously worried about housing and food and today, I have a 33`sloop in the San Rafael Yacht Harbor.

I was the HIV spokes model for community reconnect last year.  One of our speakers/presenters was the Positive Resource organization in San Francisco and Goodwill/Joblink of Sonoma County.  One of the presenters said, "HIV is an invisible disability" and these organizations are happy to work with us and help us achieve our goals.  I took me 11 years to get here but I know who I am, know what I have got and am proud of what I have done.  Have the best day
Michael

 

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[allopathicholistic]

I sizzled at that interview... They were hanging on to my every word.  I was asked to sign the release for the background check and that was a hire signal.  The director of risk management, took me on a tour of the new office complex and to the front door.  I have PN/foot drop ansd every step became visibly painful.  A better qualified applicant was found.

Wow, sounds like discrimination to me, or fascism, or exploitation. Well "something" that's for sure 

I told my last job I wasn't able to do more than 40 hours and I was terminated a few months later. The mindset on Wall Street can often be: "Well, if your body limits you to 40 hours then there must be something wrong with your body and if you're being hushhush about the details then it's time for you to be fired." I can't claim discrimination because I never told them about my HIV+ status. But my gut instinct tells me it was something similar to discrimination but not exactly discrimination. 

[Oceanbeach]

On a personal level... I spent the summer of 1996 in isolation room on the AIDS floor.  I got home and the dishes had been rearranged by my gay roommate.  He took the liberty to separate some plates, silverware, glasses and cups for me only and I was instructed NOT to use the others.

I said I was disabled for AIDS, not stupidity and called a taxi.  Have the best day
Michael 

[Dragonette]

AlanBama, Michael

Your posts made me cry, but not just from sadness.

Thanks for sharing, take good care,

[AustinWesley]

Interesting topic and responses.   I have Never faced any discrimination at all to date.   Nothing in the medical field, any doctors, family or good friends or even dating, at least none that I'm aware of.

I've been really lucky that my HIV diagnosis has brought out the best in people around me.

Wesley

[koksi]

Only my close friends know about me being HIV+, so I haven't faced a lot of discrimination.  I am appalled by the stories of people's own families behaving in such cold-hearted ways toward someone who is sick.  Fortunately, my BF is very sweet and there is no problem there.  I am currently on the job market, and I have a lot of concern about future employers getting pissed at me for not telling them my status during the application process, even though of course it is irrelevant and probably even illegal?  Not sure... Anyway, I do imagine them being like, "Oh great!  Instead of a great new employee we have this HIV+ guy."  But I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

[newbernswiss]

MIchael (sbeach).
Your story is more than I can put in words. My hat off to you man. You make me proud to be in your positive company. I'm glad to share at least one connection with you.

[AIDS2HIV]

sure do, all the time....you wouldnt believe by who. My ASO refuses to help me, because I have an AIDS diagnosis, and my disability is pending...their excuse, I am to have a plan to not have to rely on thier services, of which disability cannot be a part of......

take em to court?...you bet yer ass, and I am not stopping there....I am in the middle of opening my own National Foundation

[Oceanbeach]

Dragon mon dear,

I'm sorry I made you cry... Being an openly gay man (even in Callifornia) lends itself to discriminatrion and impacted with HIV/AIDS opens doors for all kinds of insults even from people we call friends.  Just to be in my line of work, requires a very thick skin, the ability to work a room, and the drive to keep going under any situation.  My hopes in this thread are to show that if we keep on moving in a positive direction (pun intended) that we have the power to ultimately accomplish our goals.  In my past couple of years in HIV funding volunteer work, I have become convinced that there is no guarantee the funding support for programs, medications, services we all need or will need and as many of us as possible should try to return to work, if we feel up to the challenges and make room for more people who simply can not.  Would you believe that I was never invited to any of the Managing Scarcity Conferences over the past 2 years?   .  Have the best day
Michael
(who would like to thank New for starting such a thought provoking thread)

 

[redhotmuslbear]

Viral apartheid among Gay men, including between "healthy poz" guys and whoever constitutes those other poz guys, is the only discrimination I've experienced..... but, so be it.  I would rather spend time with elightened and compassionate people than narcissistic a-holes.

As my family helped care for two of my friends back in the early to mid eighties, I've not gotten the paper plate treatment or had the guest linens burned behind me.  My co-workers all know, and they still wait anxiously to get homemade cakes and other things from my kitchen into their mouths.

[dixieman]

Ok... here I live in the midst of the Bible Belt... and fortunately for me I've never had anyone discriminate against myself... but, I've witnessed others who have had problems... some similar what others have mentioned. I use to volunteer working a hotline for people to call in... a local aids organization back in the late 80's... and I also witnessed people who were employed/volunteers giving the scoup of clients medical charts to each other and their friends when all was to remain confidential... I think everyone knows individuals like this in every town... this I witnessed before I became positive... I've had so called christian families turn away a member of their family out of fear, ignorance or just disgusted that someone  whose related to them were sick from aids and or died from aids... I knew people who were so glad to be able to say my aunt/uncle/brother etc... died from cancer not telling the cancer was caused by a compromized immune system...  I've even seen friends where one partner became sick riddled with symptoms of aids.. where their lifemate up and left when times were tuff... or their partners looks began to fade... gain weight or did not meet their expectations.. its called conditional.... so to shorten this... read all the profiles on poz personals and people expectations, hang-ups... etc... its like get REAL we all have a disease...
no one is a catch... we are all dealing with a life threatening illness... so what if someone whose negative does not want to date you? Get over it! you, me, we all have a commonality... were HIV+ and like it or not its a disease... VIRUS.... and when each one of us... me/you/we accept this maybe... just maybe others who are not in the same boat are able to do so likewise...

and yes were all going to have some type of conflict... discrimination in one form or another happen to each one of us in various degrees...