I took a friend to the clinic and i ended up being the one diagnosed

[Godswill1000]

On 24th of september 2020, my friend and i were on our way to  our place of primary assignment(PPA) and we decided to stop by a eatery to get some food,as we were eating i noticed my friend isnt eating with much enthusiasm as he always does,so i asked him whats wrong and he told me he isnot feeling well he said he thinks he might have a fever or malaria as malaria and fever are endemic in sub saharan africa especially our country.so i suggested we go to the hospital instead of work.we got to the hospital and we decided to do a test first to know which it was malaria or Typhoid fever,so the laboratory scientist took his blood sample and i also tought i  should use this opportunity to run some few tests like hepatitis B and C and on a second tought i was why not HIV test too.after about an hour and half the
lab scientist came out and presented my friends result and request to see me inside,she told me that i came back negative for both hepatitis but there is some faint line on my RVS test,but that i should not panic she would rerun another confirmatory test which she did and was still positive and that is when it down upon me that i am doomed.my legs couldnot carry me i had to find a seat to sit as i felt as if my whole world just crumbled upon me.i just graduated from university and on my one year mandatory service to my country NYSC i mean my future was bright up untill this sad news.
The Labscientist called someone who is incharge of infecious disease he is not a doctor thou,he offer some counselling and told me that it is what God has destined to happen and that i should not panic that as long as i take my drugs which is by the way free and eat well i will be fine but nahhh...i was lost in my world of thought.
I was given the combination of dolutegravir,lamuvidine and tenofovor all in a single tablet and 3 cards of co-trimoxazole (septrin)which makes a total of 2 pills a day.
I told my friend they told me i have syphilis (which is true i tested positive for syphilis about 3months ago i was cured though i took ciprofloxacin the syptoms were gone , last month on september 2nd i went to the clinic and did another test the strip test it came back positive,so i went to the doctor and he explained to me that though am cured the antibody will still be there for a while or even for life) but they told me i should worry not they gave me drugs and i showed him the 3cards of septrin i was given and hid the bottle of ARV in my back pocket,my God i couldnot bring myself to tell him we have just known each other for about a year.
When we got to the lodge i went into my room and shut the door and i sulked myself dry i didnot cry though.
i went online and started my research they were not many help in nigeria,as i couldnot get a hold of any support group in nigeria i doubt if there is any.i wanted someone far that doesnt know me to talk to our chatt with my heartfelt heavy.
so i decided to broden my search and alas i came across this group that very day i was up all night reading about my newly found companion Hiv i didnt sleep untill around 5am.the next day i wokeup and it was the worst day of my adult life the drug has kicked in, i feel light headed and it was asif i was drunk my eyes were red and pepperish i was depressed.I will be a liar if i said i didnot contemplate suicide 4 things stopped me (1)the tought of my family
(2)My religion my  faith is strongly against suicide as an option
(3)I couldnot think of an effective way of doing it
(4)I guess i love this living more than anything i couldnot do it i guess am a coward.
The 3rd day was a weekend yet i remained indoor my friend will come and knock of my door and will ask me to go out and chill as we always do but nahhh...i couldnot i told him i dont feel like it,that night i couldnot sleep as well i kept researching about hiv,i watched videos that same day i didnot sleep also till around 3 in the morning.
the next day i workup again an nothing has changed i decided to call that man in charge of infectious disease and i told him i feel dizzy and depressed and i think it is the drug,he told me to calm down and be strong and that the dizziness lightheadedness will stop in 2weeks when my syatem get used to the drug and ask if i was eating when i told him i dont usually have appetite he said i should try and eat i thanked him and got off the call.

I am 26yrs old i am the first male child of my father coming from an african home i am seen as the 2nd father figure in the house i have about 10younger ones.my father invested in my education more than anyone in my family,he sent me to the best schools in the country. even thou he doesnt have much and since he could only afford to send only me and not all of us and that is why i see it as an investment.
Just when he is about to rip what he sow as i just finished school and i am suppose to get a job and start taking care of my younger ones i got striken by this virus.
I know it will be difficult for me to find a job because for most goverment and most private jobs they require medical clearance and i cant risk it.so this begs the question of how can i sustain my family now?where will i see a job that wont require me disclosing my medical history?
I live in Nigeria the stigma here is very very very high i am not concern about myself being affected by the stigma because thanks to this forum i know so long as i remain vigilant in taking my drugs i will be alright.
I am more concerned about how it will affect my family if my community hear  or even as much as a rumour of this my condition.my family will be casted and marrying any member of my family will be considered a taboo,my sister will be judge by my condition and might endup not finding someone to marry them.o cant live with my self if this happen to them.
Now my father is an old man he have different kind of illnesses raging from Highblood pressure,ulcer,diabetis and weak muscles from old age. some he doesnt even disclose them to me .as i am the only person in my family he tells some secret to maybe it because he see me as his potential heir.
So i cant tell my father either because that will break him and worsen his underlying condition and my mom shez not even an option she will just run mad.
my sisters i will not wanto sadden them with the responsibility that comes with secrecy.
it been almost 10days  since i tested positive,after much reading and watching videos on HIV survivors and testimonies from oldvsurvivors from this group and other platforms i feel empowered.i no longer have the sideeffects i had in my first days into the diagnosis i take my drug regularly and i go to my PPA and laugh with everybody i feel like i am alright .i intend to keep my condition secret even away from my family and friends.i am  not with my family now but by the end of october i should be back to my family house.i am afraid and scared of meeting them even though i said i wouldnot disclose i feel like my family will see through me.i worried about many things like what if i get sick and i get hospitalise and they get to my condition.I have a question as a newly dx does one get seek periodicallly?i have many questions but as it is customary to make an introduction before asking questions  i will have to stop here for now.
THIS IS THE LONGEST UNOFFICIAL THING I HAVE TYPED IN A LONG TIME PLS FORGIVE THE LENGHTYNESS AND MY GRAMMER.

[Tonny2]

        ojo.         Hello and welcome, first of all, I’m sorry about your diagnosis but I am glad that you got yourself tested. Now you know you have it, now you treat it... we all know how difficult is to get this dx, just hang in there, you will be fine, we are here for you, you are not alone, we will help you go through the initial parts of this dx, information and moral support...questions, you said you are on treatment already, what med are you on?, you have blood work done?, VL, Cd4?, results?.

Nobody can’t tell by looking at you that you are hiv positive,relax. I’ve been living with my buddy hiv for almost 26 years and only my family knows I have such a faithful buddy, always with me. So, first, digest your dx, cry, scream, do whatever makes you feel better, then, read some of our newly diagnosed member’s stories to help you cope with the dx...you can ask us whatever you want...we are here for you...good luck...hugs