he doesn't have the slightest idea...

[jack2718]

Hi,

This is Jack. My first post here. I came across this forum when I was looking for information when someone (used to be dear to me, but now our relationship is rather ambigous) was recently diagnosed as positive (with PCP).

I recently manage to talk to him after he was discharged (he is fine now) and he admitted to it when I indirectly hinted at this. He told me he was about to tell me too, but was afraid of rejection from my side (which I can fully understand), and yet I wasn't very convinced if he was truly honest about it.

My apologies if what I am going to ask might sound offensive - He denied having unprotected sex and said he has "absolutely no idea" how he might gotten it.  What are the chances that someone has no idea about the possibilities from whom/where/when he might got it? I read many blogs/postings that one might have some idea, at least when it might have occured. What do you guys think?

p/s: I wish I can provide him with the love, support, and encouragement that he needs. I am unsure if he has come to terms with the diagnosis. What else I can do to show him he is not alone? At one point I feel that our relationship was over but I still think I want to be with him, however, trust issues really bother me.

Hope to get some advice from you guys.

=JacK=

[Jeff G]

Welcome to the forum. You can have HIV and be symptom free for years and not know you are infected. As for him insisting he had safe sex, at this point its not important how he got infected so its of little value to dwell on whats past. Ask him to join us here on the forums and we can give him information and support.

[tednlou2]

Jack, I agree with Jeff.  It doesn't matter.  If you want be supportive, then just be there for him. 

If you two were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship and you both tested neg outside the window period, then I could understand being curious how he was infected.  Still, you asked how to show him support. 

I am sure I was infected, when having sex with a condom.  The "friend" removed the condom, during sex.  If I had not discovered that, I would have no idea.  Situations like that happen.  More common would likely be a broken condom.  If the break was not a huge one, it may go unnoticed.  And, one would wonder how the hell they were infected.  So, it is very possible to be clueless how and when infection occurred, when you thought you had always played as safe as possible.

Again, I could understand being curious and even upset, for a monogamous couple who tested properly and both were neg.  That doesn't sound the case with you.  You did not mention testing together and being in an agreed monogamous relationship.  I wish him the best.  Indeed, let him know about this site, if he doesn't already.  I would encourage you to continue to post here.

All the best,
Ted

[jack2718]

Thanks Jeff for your reply and Ted for sharing your experience.

In response to Ted's question, we have been in a (supposedly-monogamous) relationship for almost a decade by now (well, only because neither party end it officially). We didn't do any test at the beginning of our relationship partly because of low awareness back then, and also we told each other that we were the first partners for each other. All this while, I have been faithful to him, but as for him, I can't say the same - I secretly know he was on some online dating sites asking for "fun", but to what extent he is involved, I am not sure. I believe he will play it safe back then knowing he has already has a steady partner though I did feel he shouldn't do it in the first place.  As for us, we always use protection except for one particular time.

Alright, I only found out he cheated on me recently, I thought everything was over and was prepared to move on until I came to know this news and he still wish to be with me (?) I understand people do make mistakes. I still care for him alot especially during this difficult period. I don't mind to start all over again with him but a honest and responsible lover is very important to me. The worst thing that could happen is for him to think (if) I leave him because of his status

He just started HAART. I will encourage him to seek more information on the net, including this forum, when he is ready. I guess he is still in the adjusting period.

JacK

p/s: how do I post a PM in this forum?

[Jeff G]

p/s: how do I post a PM in this forum?

After you post 3 times you can send a PM .