I've been bad

[milker]

You are not saying that this kind of action is right are you? 

Read his post. He said Yep, young and stupid... Not once did I ask

Milker.

[Matty the Damned]

You are not saying that this kind of action is right are you? 

Who's to say it's wrong?

MtD

[red_Dragon888]

I must say that one guy I had unprotected sex with knew he was positive and I hate his guts.

[red_Dragon888]

You are not saying that this kind of action is right are you? 

Who's to say it's wrong?

MtD

I would think some people would.  I don't want to pass it to anyone.

[Matty the Damned]

I would think some people would.

Some people think that the earth is flat, believe in intelligent design and maintain that Ryan Seacrest deserved a star on that street in Hollywood.

MtD
(Who has little time for what some people think)

[Moffie65]

This is why HIV will always be around with and because of drugs, alcohol and sex  addiction. 

Your assumption!  Not based on fact at all, and all your subsequent posts show judgement of the first order. 

Sorry, red, you are wrong here.  I think you need to re-read the whole thread and find that many of us are guilty by your measure.  Unfortunately, you might have made a mistake to acquire HIV, but that doesn't imply in any sense that the plague will go on because of your one sentence judgement on all of us.

Love,

[red_Dragon888]

Your assumption!  Not based on fact at all, and all your subsequent posts show judgement of the first order. 

Sorry, red, you are wrong here.  I think you need to re-read the whole thread and find that many of us are guilty by your measure.  Unfortunately, you might have made a mistake to acquire HIV, but that doesn't imply in any sense that the plague will go on because of your one sentence judgement on all of us.

Love,

the lady protest too much

[red_Dragon888]

Your assumption!  Not based on fact at all, and all your subsequent posts show judgement of the first order. 

Sorry, red, you are wrong here.  I think you need to re-read the whole thread and find that many of us are guilty by your measure.  Unfortunately, you might have made a mistake to acquire HIV, but that doesn't imply in any sense that the plague will go on because of your one sentence judgement on all of us.

Love,

it was an observation not a jugdement.

[milker]

red, i'm not sure what you're trying to convey here. If it's "having unprotected sex with negative people when you're HIV plus is wrong", then yes, I think everybody agrees on here, including myself. Nowhere in my post nor in any answers I have seen/said anything that would promote or condone this behavior; this post is not about this.

Milker.

[water duck]

And you my lady had read  the  Scarlett's letter too much

[red_Dragon888]

wrong book

[antibody]

it took me a while to take responsibility for myself and my virus. at first i saw it as no one tried to protect me so why protect them if they weren't capable of putting on a rubber. if he did. good for him. didn't really make a difference to me. a stiff one up your butt is all the same, bare or protected. it wasn't till i found someone that i cared about and at first i didn't know we would stay together more than a week. so i did. i put him in danger of catching my virus. we saw more and more of each other and moved in together. oh man how am i gonna get through this one? i can't let him get sick because of me. I'm starting to love this guy. we had unprotected sex a few times but for then on we have safe sex(little note It's AWESOME!) this was about 4 years ago. he has 2 negative tests since then and we are waiting for results that he will get Tuesday night. i really don't know what i will do if i have infected him. being careless can be just as devastating as a train wreck. it feels like it has that much gravity to me that for feelings of inadequacy i would put his health in jeopardy. i had just tested positive 1 month before i met him and was terrified to tell him. but i was getting pretty sick and i knew i needed medical attention so it all came out. we hard a pretty rough time but managed to get through it. now he is my biggest advocate. he is my bedrock. my total foundation. i love him so much. it scares me every single day what i might have done to him and we still don't know. Tuesday can't come fast enough for me but knowing how he feels waiting for the results makes me feel all the guiltier. so i don't even know where i was going with this but maybe taking responsibility for myself protects the ones i love. or the ones you sleep with until you love yourself and find love.

peace out
tim

[red_Dragon888]

red, i'm not sure what you're trying to convey here. If it's "having unprotected sex with negative people when you're HIV plus is wrong", then yes, I think everybody agrees on here, including myself. Nowhere in my post nor in any answers I have seen/said anything that would promote or condone this behavior; this post is not about this.

Milker.

I know.  But it has the longest staying time.  I am just making a comment.  I too have been in bath houses with hot guys and stiff dicks and i am amazed how many guys go in every weekend to have sex.  I have only met a few who wanted unprotected sex; but, I did not mean to say that is what you or anyone mean to say. 

[sdcabincrew74]

And, for the record I am NOT for giving others this virus.  But I fully disclose and if they are willing anyway, well then, who am I to judge their actions.....we are all responsible for our own actions and decisions!  Our "not my fault society" is a pure train wreck.  

You and ONLY you are responsible for the decisions you make.  Especially if I am the one fuckin your ass raw, because, frankly, I told you I am poz, you are informed and YOU made the decision to continue!

WOW - most bathhouses and sex clubs I have been to provide plenty of condoms, lubes and warnings, yet they are seldom used.  Red and I must live in different world.  Just disclose and then accept the decisions YOU made as YOUR decision and solely YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. 

I do my part, I DISCLOSE.  YOU need to do your part by taking care of yourself and living with YOUR decisions!

[red_Dragon888]

it took me a while to take responsibility for myself and my virus. at first i saw it as no one tried to protect me so why protect them if they weren't capable of putting on a rubber. if he did. good for him. didn't really make a difference to me. a stiff one up your butt is all the same, bare or protected. it wasn't till i found someone that i cared about and at first i didn't know we would stay together more than a week. so i did. i put him in danger of catching my virus. we saw more and more of each other and moved in together. oh man how am i gonna get through this one? i can't let him get sick because of me. I'm starting to love this guy. we had unprotected sex a few times but for then on we have safe sex(little note It's AWESOME!) this was about 4 years ago. he has 2 negative tests since then and we are waiting for results that he will get Tuesday night. i really don't know what i will do if i have infected him. being careless can be just as devastating as a train wreck. it feels like it has that much gravity to me that for feelings of inadequacy i would put his health in jeopardy. i had just tested positive 1 month before i met him and was terrified to tell him. but i was getting pretty sick and i knew i needed medical attention so it all came out. we hard a pretty rough time but managed to get through it. now he is my biggest advocate. he is my bedrock. my total foundation. i love him so much. it scares me every single day what i might have done to him and we still don't know. Tuesday can't come fast enough for me but knowing how he feels waiting for the results makes me feel all the guiltier. so i don't even know where i was going with this but maybe taking responsibility for myself protects the ones i love. or the ones you sleep with until you love yourself and find love.

peace out
tim

i hear you.

[red_Dragon888]

And, for the record I am NOT for giving others this virus.  But I full disclose and they are willing anyway, well then, who am I to judge their actions.....we are all responsible for our own actions and decisions!  Our "not my fault society" is a pure train wreck.  You and ONLY you are responsible for the decisions you make.  Especially if I am the one fuckin your ass raw, because, frankly, I told you I am poz, you are informed and YOU made the decision to continue!

But what about you?  Could he pass to you something like Hep B & C.  It is a two way street and you are also in danger.

[water duck]

antibody/tim

You had now brought in another angle to look at this thread, that is sex that leads to love and a full and care relationship, which most of us here would like to have !!

But what we are talking about here is wanton sex, like when a bitch is on heat - that kind of sex  
be truthful, we all have that kind of moments, why not throw off my "little red riding hood" outfit and just show the beast beneath ??

[antibody]

WOW - most bathhouses and sex clubs I have been to provide plenty of condoms, lubes and warnings, yet they are seldom used.  Red and I must live in different world.  Just disclose and then accept the decisions YOU made as YOUR decision and solely YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. 

I do my part, I DISCLOSE.  YOU need to do your part by taking care of yourself and living with YOUR decisions!

condoms are there but not used because the guys that go there are high on drugs. sex isn't the only reason to go to the bathhouse. it's a drug house.

[sdcabincrew74]

But what about you?  Could he pass to you something like Hep B & C.  It is a two way street and you are also in danger.

Your concern for me is not needed.  I am a big boy, I know the risks and I make decisions.  I have been vaccinated for everything I can be.  I get check ups for everything every six months and live with my decisions.  It is not your place to be concerned for me or my health.  I take responsibilities for my actions.  I do not hate the person that infected me, because I am solely responsible for my life and what I do with it.

condoms are there but not used because the guys that go there are high on drugs. sex isn't the only reason to go to the bathhouse. it's a drug house.

WOW most bathhouses I go to are very strict with their rules about drugs and alcohol and they are strictly prohibited.....however they are there.  Those people made decision to use those substances.  Once again, PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY for ones own actions!  Blaming drugs, alcohol or other people is a cop out!  Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.  I am so sick of the winey "poor me" attitudes!  You did it, live with it!

[water duck]

red_Dragon

YES !!

I was in the bathhouse the other day, they usually give out 2 types of packets, one is gel , the other is condom. This guy used the gel, when , i ask what about the condom, he replied he does not like it.
I said NO !! and walk out !!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO

[sdcabincrew74]

red_Dragon

YES !!

I was in the bathhouse the other day, they usually give out 2 types of packets, one is gel , the other is condom. This guy used the gel, when , i ask what about the condom, he replied he does not like it.
I said NO !! and walk out !!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO

AMEN!  You made a decision and took responsibility for your own actions.  That is what I am talking about!!!

[antibody]

the few here are pretty seedy and drug infested. they have rules posted on the wall. kinda like cider house rules. drugs are prevalent not that everyone is on meth but it could be poppers, alcohol. don't take this as judgemental
i'm just saying it gos on in my town for sure. i've been there. seen it. done it.

[sdcabincrew74]

the few here are pretty seedy and drug infested. they have rules posted on the wall. kinda like cider house rules. drugs are prevalent not that everyone is on meth but it could be poppers, alcohol. don't take this as judgemental
i'm just saying it gos on in my town for sure. i've been there. seen it. done it.

i agree it is there.  but those people choose to do those things.  i still tell them i am poz.  if they are too fucked up to think about what the results of their chemically induced decisions are, that is not my problem.  I disclose, I do my part.  Their part is to not get so fucked up that they cannot make a rational decision.  THEY and only THEY are responsible for their actions.  You do not hear drunk drivers who kill entire families saying running around screaming it was not their fault.  Yes, it was, they are responsible for their OWN actions!

[milker]

Yes they gave me the two condoms when I entered the club, I forgot about that ! Remember, initially I was only planning to have unprotected sex with that particular guy, think serosorting here, so I didn't care about the condoms. I stopped the only guy that tried to insert his dick in me. It could have been a lot worse, and this is why I posted this thread, to know how to avoid the risks, how to disclose in that setting, and have fun without jeopardizing the life of other people.

Milker.

PS: at that club I didn't smell poppers and didn't see anybody taking drugs or offering me anything. Doesn't mean they didn't do drugs, of course, but people didn't seem "high" on drugs, rather high on sex like me

[sdcabincrew74]

Ok, I am done with this thread.  Milker did the right thing, he stopped the guy.  Amoungst all the BS of this thread there is some good advice on how to handle the situation in the future.  So have the best day everyone and let the guilt go and take some personal responsibility for your own actions.

have the greatest day!  And, I hope the easter bunny bring you all lots of chocolate, which is almost as good as sex, but not quite!

[water duck]

THANK YOU SD

[DingoBoi]

well, if you bite of the head of the chocolate bunny, it makes a nice hole.

multitasking if you ask me.

It still comes down to ones personal compass and what is comfortable for 'them' and them only.

Moral condemnation doesn't make the issue or behavior magically go away.  

[Strayboy74]

You are not saying that this kind of action is right are you? 

I did what I did.  But I'd be happy to say that you're an asshole for passing judgment on the actions of others if your intention was to shame me.  And I believe it was.  Experiences are to be learned from, not to use against others to give them guilt.

And for the record, I don't give a frog's fat ass what you think.  You did something to get HIV too, I just did it with unbridled fervor.  After all, something worth doing is worth doing well.

-joseph

[red_Dragon888]

Yes they gave me the two condoms when I entered the club, I forgot about that ! Remember, initially I was only planning to have unprotected sex with that particular guy, think serosorting here, so I didn't care about the condoms. I stopped the only guy that tried to insert his dick in me. It could have been a lot worse, and this is why I posted this thread, to know how to avoid the risks, how to disclose in that setting, and have fun without jeopardizing the life of other people.

Milker.

PS: at that club I didn't smell poppers and didn't see anybody taking drugs or offering me anything. Doesn't mean they didn't do drugs, of course, but people didn't seem "high" on drugs, rather high on sex like me

Look Milker, I had been there and done that.  i was just too afraid to admit it.  I just was not thinking about the danger of infecting others.  I didn't mean to imply anything except that we all should practice safe sex.  I guess that I am still in shock and never want to pass the HIV thing to anyone.  I am also afraid that the government will come down hard on people who don't care or don't know that are transmitting the HIV virus.  

[red_Dragon888]

I did what I did.  But I'd be happy to say that you're an asshole for passing judgment on the actions of others if your intention was to shame me.  And I believe it was.  Experiences are to be learned from, not to use against others to give them guilt.

And for the record, I don't give a frog's fat ass what you think.  You did something to get HIV too, I just did it with unbridled fervor.  After all, something worth doing is worth doing well.

-joseph

  Did not mean to shame you.  Just asking?

[DingoBoi]

I didn't mean to imply anything except that we all should practice safe sex.

And that is a PERSONAL preference.

There frankly isn't much behind that idea in my opinion in regard to other STD's.  It's an acknowledged risk and I assume personal responsibility for anything I catch.

Why won't others?

On that note, you stated you hate the person who 'gave' you this, but as far as I can tell, they didn't necessarily know themselves.

To me that says alot that you may not have accepted personal responsbility for your infection regardless of the actions of another and I think that may have some impact in your posts in this thread.

No judgements, just my observation and mine alone.

[Strayboy74]

Honestly, what I think now is irrelevant.  I can't change my past.  So what's the point of pontificating my actions as a youth?  So, whether I think what I did or not is okay, is totally a moot point.

And, if you're not passing judgement, and yet you feel like an asshole, it's just a coincidence; and, I both forgive you and apologize.

I'm just tired of people playing the shame game.

-joseph
(who is often an asshole for other reasons)

[red_Dragon888]

And that is a PERSONAL preference.

On that note, you stated you hate the person who 'gave' you this, but as far as I can tell, they didn't necessarily know themselves.

To me that says alot that you may not have accepted personal responsbility for your infection regardless of the actions of another and I think that may have some impact in your posts in this thread.

No judgements, just my observation and mine alone.

I am pretty sure he wasn't the one who gave me hiv; plenty of guys could of.  but he was the one who knew he had hiv and had sex with me and his boyfriend anyway.  i caught hiv in 86 when i did not believe Aids existed so i am not an angel.  i am not passing judgement and it is hard to convey my meaning just with words.  sorry for sounding like a hater.  

[HIVworker]

I have been in your situation, probably more that anyone here knows, and.......  I have an answer that would be very helpful for you.

Moffie.

I'm about as much use in this thread as the proverbial bum-gas in an astronaut suit.

However you appear to have some good advice for Miker. I might have lost it reading through this thread, but what was it?

I'm keen to see Miker get some good advice, and it appears you got some. Don't get bogged down with the 'young-gun vs oldie' argument. Miker needs some help here. Anyone with an ounce of sense can see your value on this forum.

R

[DingoBoi]

thank you red.  I was not clear on your backstory and that explains more.

edit:  which to me read more like a 'newbie'.   a perfect example of miscommunication online.

[red_Dragon888]

Honestly, what I think now is irrelevant.  I can't change my past.  So what's the point of pontificating my actions as a youth?  So, whether I think what I did or not is okay, is totally a moot point.

And, if you're not passing judgement, and yet you feel like an asshole, it's just a coincidence, and, I both forgive you and apologize.

I'm just tired of people playing the shame game.

-joseph

No problem.  I am in a support group for HIV and it is easy to pass judgement but I and we don't.  What I try to do is make the person feel comfortable and let him or her know my life experiences.  I am over the guilt somewhat, and I really try to support the new members. 

[thunter34]

Don't get bogged down with the 'young-gun vs oldie' argument.

I don't think he would at the moment.  Most of the perpetuators of that are gone at the moment.

It's shaping up to be a very Good Friday.

[milker]

I think it's good that this topic was finally out in the open. I am very pleased that in general it has been discussed by most in a honest and very useful fashion, everyone has expressed their views and concerns, some were a bit too shocked to understand, but this is part of our life for many of us.

Milker.

[Andy Velez]

As Milker said, "this is a part of life for many of us here." And that means judgements, put-downs, pseudo-clinical evaluations, labels and such don't really have any useful place here.

Milker brought up something about which as I get it he is himself looking to better understand his actions and handle more to his satisfaction in his life.

I don't agree with some of the evaluations that have been made here. What I do think is useful is for people to simply talk from the heart and the brain about their own experiences, what has worked and not worked for them in relation to their sexuality.

I will say that I prefer that wisecracks and other such diversions get parked at the door. They seem to derail the dialogue and not infrequently lead to flaming. 

I'm wondering about what's the best way for us to learn more here that will enable us to help each other and ourselves? I suggest tucking that somewhere into your thoughts as this conversation continues.

[Miss Philicia]

Is it just me or did the Easter Bunny deliver a lot of bad eggs today?

And on another note, and yes I am hijacking in a way, I'd like to put Strayboy in a sling and ram him for 5 hours... and you know I'm not even a top.

[Strayboy74]

Is it just me or did the Easter Bunny deliver a lot of bad eggs today?

And on another note, and yes I am hijacking in a way, I'd like to put Strayboy in a sling and ram him for 5 hours... and you know I'm not even a top.

That's so sweet.



Happy Easter to you, too!

-joseph

[Andy Velez]

You're not hijacking it in a way, Philly. You ARE hijacking the thread. Cut it out.

I was just about to modify what I had just written when I re-opened the thread and found your totally gratuitous remark.

What I was going to add and will instead enter it here is that when talking about sex comes up, very often dealing with issues about it often gets sidetracked with flirting, joking and just exactly what you have done here, Philly. A comment which in no way contributes to the discussion in a positive way.

Milker has brought up something that he's trying to deal with. Dealing with sexuality is an ongoing process. No matter what someone's background or age or anything is, it's often difficult to talk openly about sex. It involves greater intimacy, an intimacy which can be uncomfortable at times.

So your remarks about Easter bunny bad eggs and Strayboy in a sling is not what I consider a way to encourage members here to talk seriously about this subject.   

[Strayboy74]

I was just about to modify what I had just written when I re-opened the thread and found your totally gratuitous remark.

COME ON, ANDY...  I DON'T GET COMPLIMENTS THAT OFTEN, JUST LET THIS ONE SLIDE!  PRETTY PLEASE!!!???



-joseph

[Miss Philicia]

Sorry... the thread seemed destroyed six hours ago or surely I wouldn't have posted that compliment to another poster.  Again... my apologies.

And for what it's worth Andy I didn't see your post until after I'd posted mine (note the post's time stamps).

But I do take your advice to heart.

[milker]

It's interesting that this post is reaching almost 200 replies in less than 24h.

To me it's definitely something that had to be said, and I really hope that contributors and anonymous readers got some insight on how to deal with this. I do not think that everyone will agree with sdcabin's posts, but this is the way i'm going to try to deal with it, because those were the posts that I related to the most. I'm sure that other readers have a different view, and i'd like to hear from them, as long as you remember the setting. I'm not going to give up on backroom sex. If this is not your thing, then it's not a post for you.

Milker.

[milker]

Sorry... the thread seemed destroyed six hours ago or surely I wouldn't have posted that compliment to another poster.  Again... my apologies.

And for what it's worth Andy I didn't see your post until after I'd posted mine (note the post's time stamps).

But I do take your advice to heart.

Philly, you posted at the same time as Andy, no worries, your post was hot, just not appropriately placed. Start a new topic about what you said in Off Topic, I'll reply 

Milker.

[thunter34]

I really hope that contributors and anonymous readers got some insight on how to deal with this. I do not think that everyone will agree with sdcabin's posts, but this is the way i'm going to try to deal with it, because those were the posts that I related to the most.
Milker.

Wow. That is awesome.  Good to see that a sort of resolution for the original poster was acheived. 

[milker]

Wow. That is awesome.  Good to see that a sort of resolution for the original poster was acheived. 

Man if it takes 200 posts to get it right i'll take it. This has been very very very very helpful to me. Thank you all.

Milker.

[JPinLA]

Hi Milker - I wanted to say that I have been in a similar position you have been in recently.  I had sex with negative folks (by their own assertion) without diclosing.  I gave them blow jobs and let them screw me..but otherwise I did not disclose.  They didn't suck me or I didn't fuck them...pretty low risk right?  Regardless I feel like a schlep.  I've felt like this since day one of diagnosis.  I have no explanation other than I didn't tell and they didn't ask.  I am human, I have erred (Hi, I'm HIV positive) and continue to do so.  

I am so glad you posted this so honestly and appreciate thsi venue to expree myself as well.

JP

[milker]

Hi Milker - I wanted to say that I have been in a similar position you have been in recently.  I had sex with negative folks (by their own assertion) without diclosing.  I gave them blow jobs and let them screw me..but otherwise I did not disclose.  They didn't suck me or I didn't fuck them...pretty low risk right?  Regardless I feel like a schlep.  I've felt like this since day one of diagnosis.  I have no explanation other than I didn't tell and they didn't ask.  I am human, I have erred (Hi, I'm HIV positive) and continue to do so. 

I am so glad you posted this so honestly and appreciate thsi venue to expree myself as well.

JP

Hi JP thanks for your honesty. I hope the posts that followed my original post will help you deal with this. It's not easy to be open about this.

Milker.