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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: 1519426 on April 25, 2017, 01:48:24 am

Title: Casual Sex - Getting Back Into The Saddle
Post by: 1519426 on April 25, 2017, 01:48:24 am

Since my positive diagnosis in October 2015, and promptly staring HAART within 30 days, I have not been at play.  Sex life came at a complete halt, even at home with my then significant other.  That toxic relationship ended soon after.

I am still not where I want to be health-wise, but I am more stable than before and undetectable since April 2016.  I am not sure if I am even ready for sex again but I miss this on some days.

I keep procrastinating, and setting dates for 2 weeks away with guys, or when I wine and dine a guy, we grab him some sexy shorts for a spontaneous day at the beach together, a guy I've known for over 4 years and who I consider a friend, I send him home "no cookies" even though he's fully aware of my status and has sent all the right signals, because I know he is looking for LTR and I am not.

I do not wish to have a relationship.  I wish to be able to enjoy casual sex, without relationship responsibilities.  Strangers seem too much in a rush on Grindr, even when I disclose my status upfront, and I rather at least do 1 brunch or outing before getting down, and I am not comfortable having men in my home right now, or even knowing where I live.  I'm quite worried I'd pick a guy from the bottom of the barrel, and that things can go oh so wrong, and I'm stuck with someone who knows both my address and HIV status, just because I am avoiding the serious guys.

Am I making things complicated?  Any words of wisdom?

Regards,
1519425 :-\

Title: Re: Casual Sex - Getting Back Into The Saddle
Post by: Jim Allen on April 25, 2017, 02:27:09 am

Hi

Welcome to the forum.

To be honest to me at least to me, it does not really sound like you are looking for just a casual sex hook-up. Personally I would not take someone out for brunch for just casual sex, but that's just me and each to his own.

Quote

I'm stuck with someone who knows both my address and HIV status,

Hotel instead? Sounds like you have a few concerns that you are dealing with and are creating reasons for you not to do it. I hope that when you are ready and can put the reasons not to aside you find what you are looking for. 

Jim

Title: Re: Casual Sex - Getting Back Into The Saddle
Post by: CaveyUK on April 25, 2017, 02:38:51 pm

you could always go to a sauna or somewhere similar, keeping things fairly anonymous whilst saving the brunch and home reveal to 'dates'