Author Topic: Any others also coping with addiction issues at the same time? (Read 6455 times)

todd123 · « **on:** January 21, 2009, 12:34:38 am »

Hey all,

I sometimes get overwhelmed with dealing with health AND addiction issues simultaneously.
But it's something that has to be done, no choice.
I'm thankful for my 12 step fellowship but there are times when I feel it's not quite enough to just share about that.
I'm grateful for my bottom: (finding out I had official full-blown AIDS). I'm conviced that nothing else would have slowed my down or stopped me. I had to be shown on paper how bad me and my addiction had let it get.
It does just sometimes feel overwhelming dealing with each one each day. I'm not out of the woods yet with the HIV. Small infections, colds, fatigue etc but believe me, every chance I get I get my butt to a meeting to understand the nature of what I've done and to hear the hope from others. I especially relate to those who are not afraid to talk about their poz status. It brings be so much comfort there and I'm hoping that I can find some here as well.

thanks,
Scott
are

PRMike · « **Reply #1 on:** January 21, 2009, 09:06:11 am »

Hi Todd, I know exactly where your coming from because I was there just over 6 Years & 5 months ago when I tried to take my life with an overdose Of Pills and Crystal Meth,,, I was so tired of using and my health was so bad that my T-Cells were at 6 and Viral Load was at 400,000 + and I had PCP Pnunmonia so I ended up in a coma for 14 days and the Doctors told my Daughter that I was not going to make it back that she should get things ready but I did come out of it, NOW I will say that at that time I was really Pissed off because I did come back but time after time I was told that GOD had a purpose for me to live and when it was time for me to be discharged, I was surposed to be released to my PO and sent to Prison for Violating my Probation but Thank GOD and A Dear Friend/Case worker that was able to get me into a Drug Rehab Program which I really did not want to go to but now I thank GOD that I did go because it showed that I DO NOT HAVE TO USE DRUGS at ALL and in troduced me to the NA Program which I'm glad to say that I'm a member and will always be one.. I now am UNDECTABLE and have been ever since I stoped using and my T-Cells are 521 to the 400+ so I'm doing Great..
TODD if there's one thing I need to say is Please Stay away from the Drugs they will only Kill you or make you so sick that you will want to Die and Life is worth living,,so Please stay strong and remember that you have a Friend and a fellow Addict that understands may GOD Bless you always PRMike

BT65 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 21, 2009, 10:10:03 am »

Scott, I'm also a recovering addict. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

red_Dragon888 · « **Reply #3 on:** January 21, 2009, 06:40:34 pm »

Me too. Right now I'm going to group and counseling sessions. I am beginning my journey of a thousand miles.

todd123 · « **Reply #4 on:** January 22, 2009, 12:54:29 am »

That's good to hear Red Dragon. I go to cma meetings in the nyc area.
That particular drug was what brought me down.
I'm truly wishing all the best buddy.

Scott

CJWAUS · « **Reply #5 on:** January 22, 2009, 01:48:43 am »

Every day is a fight against meth for me. First came meth then came hiv. I was one of the pnp guys, and still fight to not do it.

I'm in Seattle and someties it's as if I' the only guy not wanting to party.

PRMike · « **Reply #6 on:** January 22, 2009, 09:02:21 am »

Quote from: CJWAUS on January 22, 2009, 01:48:43 am

Every day is a fight against meth for me. First came meth then came hiv. I was one of the pnp guys, and still fight to not do it.

I'm in Seattle and someties it's as if I' the only guy not wanting to party.

Hi CJWAUS, I know that feeling but Please take it from me that it will only get worse if YOU PICK UP, I used Meth from 1988 to 2002 and everyday it got worse even tough I did not see it at the time but I always knew that things were not right even more when I kept getting busted ,,, I have been Clean for over 6 years now and I'm so happy that I'm clean & Sober, now I have my motorcycle and if I were using I would not have it,, I still have my share of Problems, I'm living at my sister's house and sleeping on a sofa because I only get $674.oo a month from SSI and I can not get my own apartment here in Florida with that income but I keep going on and I still go to my weekly NA meeting which let's me see that my ADDICTION is still out there waiting for me and if I DO ONE LINE that will be the END for me so I stay Strong and DO NOT PICK UP NO MATTER WHAT.... Please when those feeling's start to bother you and you feel like using just pick up the Phone and call someone and tell them what your feeling and if you can not call someone then just Pray to what ever you Beleive in and ask for Help.. Please take it from Me there's no reason why you should USE again...
ok this is all for now and please know that you also have a freind here in me so Please stay Strong as always your Friend PRMike

Peter Staley · « **Reply #7 on:** January 24, 2009, 11:36:20 am »

Quote from: todd123 on January 22, 2009, 12:54:29 am

That's good to hear Red Dragon. I go to cma meetings in the nyc area.
That particular drug was what brought me down.
I'm truly wishing all the best buddy.

Scott

Scott -- dealing with HIV and recovery is a double whammy, that's for sure. Have you been to the wonderful HIV Topic Meeting that CMA has at Callen-Lorde on Friday nights? It's at 6:15pm:

http://www.nycma.org/meetinglist.html

When I used to go to meetings more often than I do these days, this was my "home" group. Great place to process the double-whammy you and I struggle with.

clsoca · « **Reply #8 on:** January 24, 2009, 02:09:21 pm »

Throughout the 90s I was a gym rat and in extremely good shape. I also obtained a college degree and had a very good future ahead of me. I was was living a very good life. In the very late 90s and 2000s, I started drinking everynight and parting. Well it all turned to a parting addiction that really almost ruined my life. I also did stupid things like having BB sex with strangers that I never saw again. In July 2008, I found out I was HIV poz. I immediately stopped drinking and parting and assumed control over my life. I also returned to lifting weights and running 5 days a week. My current boss now frequently complements me and has promoted me. I know it sounds very pathetic, but I truly feel HIV has saved my life. When I learned that I was poz, it felt like a jolt of electricity running Through my body. When I learned I was poz, I was actually jogging within the hour. I went home and got rid of my alcohol and drugs. I pray I don't return to that dark period in my life. But I do admit, the urge is there sometimes.

lucas777 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 24, 2009, 04:43:22 pm »

Hi Todd!!!!
I'm a recovering addict (heroin,crack) . I'm clean and sober 4 years in June.
I do the 12 step programme , the greatest gift that it gave me(gives me) on a daily basis is spirituality (not religion) and my own understanding of GOD. I arrived at a state that I simply don't want to use or drink , if I could I wouldn't because I don't need it any more I've got better things to do in my life now. I realized the illusion that I was living in that I need a drink or drugs to feel better about myself.(ofcourse I speak for myself here). My rock bottom was cd4 17 and vl over 1.000.000 . ended up ina hospital close to death. I come a long way and it wasn't easy (I've had days that I prefered to be death) if I said that it was easy I would be lying to you, but you know what ? that it is not the point anymore somehow (by only doing what is/was suggested to me) I grew and grow stronger and feel above the difficulties of life ,my attidude and way of perception has been refined. at the present there is really couple of things that I can still upset myself about . I have a powerful sense of liberation and don't feel a slave to myself ,drugs,things ,people and places anymore. I would recomend to you to reach out deeper into spirituality,
here is a link to Anthonys de mello talkshttp://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uS5PDvM17lM&feature=related
I found it very liberating to listen to what he's got to say . hope you'll find it helpful as well.

Best wishes.
Lukas

HUGS NOT DRUGS

(sometimes I find it ridiculous)

red_Dragon888 · « **Reply #10 on:** January 25, 2009, 08:43:28 am »

Quote from: clsoca on January 24, 2009, 02:09:21 pm

Throughout the 90s I was a gym rat and in extremely good shape. I also obtained a college degree and had a very good future ahead of me. I was was living a very good life. In the very late 90s and 2000s, I started drinking everynight and parting. Well it all turned to a parting addiction that really almost ruined my life. I also did stupid things like having BB sex with strangers that I never saw again. In July 2008, I found out I was HIV poz. I immediately stopped drinking and parting and assumed control over my life. I also returned to lifting weights and running 5 days a week. My current boss now frequently complements me and has promoted me. I know it sounds very pathetic, but I truly feel HIV has saved my life. When I learned that I was poz, it felt like a jolt of electricity running Through my body. When I learned I was poz, I was actually jogging within the hour. I went home and got rid of my alcohol and drugs. I pray I don't return to that dark period in my life. But I do admit, the urge is there sometimes.

How strange and how funny that some curses are a blessing in disguise...

PRMike · « **Reply #11 on:** August 14, 2009, 09:11:22 am »

Hi everyone, Today is my 7 yr anniversary of being Drug free and I just want to share with you all that I'm grateful first to my GOD then to Choices in Recovery the rehab that introduced me to the NA program and last but not least to the fellowship of NA that continue to help me stay clean...
If I can do it I know you can too..
may you all have a great day with much love always PRMike

BT65 · « **Reply #12 on:** August 14, 2009, 03:38:34 pm »

Big congrats, Mike. Next time, though, maybe you want to start your own thread?

sensual1973 · « **Reply #13 on:** August 14, 2009, 04:38:00 pm »

Addict here Scott (valium/xanax/booz) my first wake up call was a sevre car accident under the influnece of heavy xanax where i broke my neck in 2000,thank God am not paralized,i just didnt want to listen to God i continued using,and then the BIG BOMB : diagnosed hiv positive in 2001 and still continued because then i was even more angry and resentfull,till a year and a half ago when i wanted to jump from the window and kill myself,then remembered my father who did commit suicide when i was 5 so didnt want to do that to my mother.The next day i called a friend in the UK who advised me to be admited to a rehab i London,now am doing the 12 steps. Thank God for the gift of being sober,its not easy,but it will only get worse if i go back to my old behavior.Now am more determined to live ,because trust me life is beautifull.
Keep it up.

X

SouthSam7 · « **Reply #14 on:** August 14, 2009, 10:06:21 pm »

Ditto to everyone on everything (me meth addict).

Keep going to meetings. Try to go to meetings with others who are similar to you socially (I mean like gay, straight, bi, etc.). I go to meetings with a bunch of people that I would never have anything else in common with. They're all good ol' boys and girls and very homophobic, but we're all addicts.

I can't help thinking it would be more beneficial to me if they were gay or gay friendly.

Good luck and KEEP COMING BACK!

Sam in 'bama

motoboy · « **Reply #15 on:** August 15, 2009, 08:06:02 pm »

this is a great topic, I have been hiv positive for 3 years, and been clean and sober for 20 years....yes, I got tested hiv pos with 17 years of recovery, one of the hardest days of my recovery was when I tested pos. it felt like my world fell apart, but now looking back it there have been so many gifts...
the reason i felt so compelled to reply (I never do) was, I've been having such a hard time finding a sponsor that has what i want, in term of spirituality, understanding the virus, and having a healthy, loving relationship...
My life is wonderful, I have a wonderful loving (negative) girlfriend, and I feel completely blessed....but finding a understanding sponsor with our issues is important, and that is a key to having healthy, long term recovery.....I guess my point is do what is suggested, work the steps, and at this very moment.....know, all is perfect......blessing to all

motoboy · « **Reply #16 on:** August 15, 2009, 08:10:46 pm »

Quote from: PRMike on August 14, 2009, 09:11:22 am

Hi everyone, Today is my 7 yr anniversary of being Drug free and I just want to share with you all that I'm grateful first to my GOD then to Choices in Recovery the rehab that introduced me to the NA program and last but not least to the fellowship of NA that continue to help me stay clean...
If I can do it I know you can too..
may you all have a great day with much love always PRMike

happy birthday! we who find the doors of 12 steps are truly blessed.......

PRMike · « **Reply #17 on:** August 15, 2009, 10:22:09 pm »

Quote from: motoboy on August 15, 2009, 08:10:46 pm

happy birthday! we who find the doors of 12 steps are truly blessed.......

Hi Motoboy thank you for the best wishes and you are so right about being blessed.....
I was reading your last post and my first sponsor and the sponsor I have now do not have our Medical issues but they were and are understand,, when I asked them to be my sponsor I let them know from the beginging that I was Hiv+ and they said that they did not have a problem with it and would try their best to be a good sponsor and I must say that they did not let me down...
I do hope that your able to find a sponsor because it is very important to your recovery...
Well please take care and please stay strong much love always PRMike
P.S. I have learned to say love in the fellowship

SouthSam7 · « **Reply #18 on:** August 16, 2009, 05:22:36 pm »

I was never able to get a sponsor at all. They flat out refused and made some half-assed excuse (too many sponsees, etc.).

Despite no sponsor, I'm clean. Check out your ASO and/or positive social groups. A lot of us had/have addiction issues.

Good luck,

Sam

Giblarry · « **Reply #19 on:** August 16, 2009, 05:30:27 pm »

Hey Guy.

I don't count how long my partner and I walked away from meth addiction. I only know it was shortly after Diana's death. That's how I remember it.

We've never done 12 step or any sort of counseling. We're a strong couple of many years. We just did it together. Not that I'm recommending that. I'm only saying it worked for us.

On meth you see what shouldn't be seen, and you don't see what should be seen.

We wish you the best of luck. You can do it.

Much love,
Gib

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Author Topic: Any others also coping with addiction issues at the same time? (Read 6455 times)