Need your help again!

[Dufus]

Hi all,

It's been a long time since I visited this forum (in fact it was the old forum I posted in) under the name of Oops I Did It Again.  I received some very reassuring advice from people the last time.  Thank you.

Unfortunately, I need some more!

I'll be straight to the point with my testing history:
- 14 days (Chlamydia) Negative
- 6 weeks (HIV, HepB, HepC) Negative
- 13 weeks (HIV, HepB, Syphillis) Negative
- 7 months (Chlamydia, Gonnorhea, Mycoplasma) Negative

The problem with me:
At 15 weeks I developed a very acute sore right testicle which continues to this day (hence my bacterial re-testing at 7 months).  The pain has subsided and is nowhere near as bad now.  I also developed unusual pulsing headaches at the same time.  They don't occur anymore.

The problem with my wife:
3 weeks after my exposure - Comes down with the flu/gastro???.
6 weeks after my exposure - Has insomnia for a month.
6 weeks after exposure - Has constipation for a week or so.
10 weeks after exposure - Gets a sore throat which she says is like 'razor blades'
13 weeks after exposure - Wakes up in the middle of the night feeling sick and starts vomiting/diarrhea
We go to Europe for a holiday - What a great holiday worrying about infecting my wife 24/7 - A complete waste of money
Upon arrival in Europe - She has persistent diarrhea for almost a week.  She could not control it.
Upon our return 2 months later, we could not check out of the hotel as she was too ill to move at checkout time.  I had to extend the checkout time so she recover - Vomiting/Diarrhea
2 weeks after our return, gastro again.
As of now, she is on antibiotics as her tonsils were swollen and she wasn't feeling well.  Now she has developed a cough which sounds more like a 'smokers' cough and she can't get rid of it.

Anyway, my problem is that I cannot trust my 3 month negative HIV test result and cannot move on with my life.  I feel that the test has not detected my infection and as a result I have infected my wife. 

Life has been hell. I am not after sympathy, as I am the one who has done a horrible deed, however I am interested in what you think. 

Are my thoughts irrational?

I am not a stupid person, but maybe my fears and anxiety are causing me to analyze things differently. I am interested in how YOU see my thought process because I am convinced we have a problem.

Thank You
Regards
Dufus

[RapidRod]

Are my thoughts irrational?

You are HIV negative and that is all there is to it.

[Andy Velez]

Whatever is going on with your wife has nothing to do with you passing HIV to her. You can't give her something you don't have. You have reliably tested negative for HIV. You ARE HIV negative. Period. End of story.

She needs to see a doctor if she has troublesome symptoms. Ditto for you. HIV is not the issue here.

You're a dog like the rest of us and you went straying. Torturing yourself with guilt and remorse is not a tribute to your finer character nor a love bouquet for your wife. Stop indulging in that stuff. It's poisonous. You did what you did. Take a breath and let it go. THat's the most loving thing you can do for all concerned. No kidding.

Cheers,

[Dufus]

Dear Andy and RapidRod,

Thanks for your replies and reassurance.  They are very much appreciated.  The two of you have been there when I have needed help, every time! For that I am grateful.

I went to my local GP today and he agreed to grant a further HIV test (now 7.5 months later).  My blood has been taken and results will be back on Tuesday of next week.

I telephoned the Sexual Health Centre here in Australia (as I didn't think I could get the courage to go for another test) and told them my doctor has sent me to get a further test after receiving a 3 month negative.  The nurse at the centre said he could not understand why a doctor would send me to get another test after a 3 month negative.  He stated that 3 months is 100% and I have absolutely nothing to worry about (he does not know me or anything about my exposure).  I advised him that the doctor has sent me due to my anxiety.  He was a little perplexed as to why I was going back for another test or why the doctor had authorized it.

Anyway, my wife continues to have a bad chest cough which refuses to go away, even after 7 days of antibiotics.  I am very nervous.  If this test comes back negative, that will be it for me! No more testing or worrying! I really hope this is the case.  And if it is the case, I will be flying to the US (i'm not kidding either) to buy you both a coffee in appreciation for your help. 

Regards
Dufus 

[Andy Velez]

Persistent chest coughs are very common, even when antibiotics are used, Dufus. Allergy might also be involved in the situation. Whatever it is, your wife's doctor should be looking into it. And it has nothing to do with HIV.

Your re-testing is just wasting time, energy and money.

You're still a dog like the rest of us. What you need to deal with are the feelings you are having which are driving this concern. Unless you do that then even if you resolve this current concern, you will remain vulnerable to acting impulsively again and repeating the same cycle further down the line -- and shaking inside everytime your wife coughs or sneezes. That's no way to live. Get some help with the real issue and it's not HIV. No kidding.   

[Dufus]

Andy and RapidRod, you were correct - result was negative at 7.5 months. Thanks for all your help and reassurance.  It was very  much appreciated.  Time to move on from this.
Andy, I read your last post and have placed a great deal of thought into what you have said.  Although the fear of HIV is now over for me, there must be other issues which made me react in this way.  I will seek psychological support to get to the REAL issue, as you say.  Your advice is golden and I will act on it.

Thanks again Andy and RapidRod.

Regards
Dufus