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Author Topic: some help plz  (Read 6121 times)

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Offline ffm

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  • Posts: 5
some help plz
« on: June 22, 2006, 03:42:12 pm »
hi...

About a month ago i did something that is completely out of character...i went to a massage parlor and had intercourse with a woman there. During intercourse the condom ripped. thats basically what happened. I have been going through a really tough time. About 7 months ago i got engaged. Because of many reasons involving work i have not seen my fiance (long distance relationship) for about a year. I love her so much and i'm scared i wil loose her. The reason i went to the massage place was because i felt lonely...really alone and a lot of pressure. THe kinda of work that i do i'm the youngest one there and one of the top preformers i constantly have a lot of pressure. I am also going to be moving to a different country and i have to start all over with my new wife. I have a lot of pressure at home from my parents and from the ppl around me. I guess thats why i went to that sort of place...now i'm not sure what to do. I am depressed and i'm still able to hide my feelings but ppl are noticing that i'm acting weird cause i'm usually a happy out going person. I talked to the lady that runs the place and she said the girl that i was with is was new and it was her first nite and that i have nothing to worry about that she has been tested and that she's fine. I don't belive her i don't think she would just be like yeah well sorry kid u got HIV. Even though i wasn't inside for too long when i pulled out and saw the condom ripped i pretty much felt like my whole world had collapse and that life is over. I"m scared that if i'm positive...i dunno what i'll do. i went and got tested and and it came back negative but that was like 3 days after this happened. I will wait for the 3 month period and get tested again. I have diarrhea now but i realize that this could be cause of the emotional stress that i'm under at the moment. I don't feel like i can talk to anyone about this and from reading the threats here HIV is harderd to transmit from a woman to a man....there is a lot of guilt as well especially because the girl was very dry when we had intercourse.....i feel like i raped her or something...there is just such a mix of emotions right now....i can't eat well i dun sleep well...i talked to the lady that runs the place again yesturday and she again assured me i have nothing to worry about...any ideas...i just think about the odds and hope that chances are on my side...i have never done ne thing like this and i'm scared my life will come to an end...over one stupid mistake...
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Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: some help plz
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2006, 04:24:21 pm »
Get tested again at thirteen weeks for your conclusive test. You might want to seek out a mental heath professional to get you through your wait.
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Offline ffm

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  • Posts: 5
Re: some help plz
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2006, 04:25:46 pm »
thanx for the quick reply....menatally i think i can handle it i just need to think i guess just think and plan....what do u think my chances of testing positive are??
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Offline Andy Velez

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Re: some help plz
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2006, 04:39:31 pm »
There are a few HIV science realities that should be of some relief to you. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It is significantly more difficult to transmit it from female to male. This was a single incident during which until the condom broke you were protected.

Could transmission happen IF the woman was HIV+? Yes. Would it be likely in the circumstances you have described? NO!

But low risk is not the same as no risk so you do need to test at 13 weeks.

Also, the average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the very smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure to the virus. So if you were to get tested at 6 weeks and collect a negative that would be very encouraging.

The bottom line is the odds are in your favor that you will come through this ok.

Cheers, 
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Andy Velez

Offline ffm

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  • Posts: 5
Re: some help plz
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2006, 04:44:34 pm »
thanx Andy i think my biggest concern is that right now i have a lot of pressure from other parts of my life and then i made this mistake...deep down inside i feel like i can get thru this but u know you read so much and i guess its normal for ur mind to wonder...i will get tested next week probably and then again at 13 weeks...i think this whole situation is making me stronger as a person and its been a learning experience....i hope that the tests will be negative but i must prepare for ne thing i guess. I'm glad that the odds are on my side though...but you are right low risk is not no risk
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Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 34,126
Re: some help plz
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2006, 04:47:14 pm »
Good luck with your test next week.

And stay productively busy. It really does help to make the time pass faster than you can imagine is possible.

Cheers,
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Andy Velez

Offline ffm

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: some help plz
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2006, 04:51:54 pm »
yeah..i took today off and found this forum it was very hard for me to post but i figured i should. I wll relax and spend time with my siblings....go back to work and concentrate with what i gotta do there like i said i have a lot of pressure from other things so i guess i'll deal with what i can control for now and hope for the best.


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Offline Andy Velez

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Re: some help plz
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2006, 05:13:30 pm »
Sounds like a plan. Just stay busy. Not frantically and compulsively, but at a good working clip. Connect with other people and be glad for today.

Let the future take care of itself. I expect you to come out of this ok.

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Andy Velez

Offline cicatriz

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  • Posts: 7
Re: some help plz
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2006, 07:40:12 pm »
ffm,

i sent you a PM. check it out.
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Offline ffm

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: some help plz
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2006, 01:43:49 pm »
thanx for everything guys. It was great to find a place where people can give you facts about HIV cause there is so much out there on the net.
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Offline Sae

  • Member
  • Posts: 203
  • Joined June 2005
Re: some help plz
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2006, 02:59:20 pm »
ffm,

Your guilt is very evident in your post.  Try not to compound that you feel badly about what happened with HIV ok?  HIV is not a punishment for a mistake, and frankly whether you think it was a mistake or not is up to you.  In other words, no judgements are given here.

We see that guilt thing allot at aidmeds, and I think it would be better you don't fall into that very common reaction.

Also, forgive yourself...it happened, and its really,really common that in great times of stress we humans do something uncharacteristic.  Sometimes its before a wedding, or birth of a child, and perhaps that's what you should look at.  Beating yourself up won't change the past, and the best way to move forward is to figure out why and then decide if the outcome was what you hoped for.

You protected yourself, I think you should be proud of that, the condom broke which is unlucky.

Sae

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Meh.
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