POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: twin on August 16, 2006, 12:35:10 am
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Hi, I'm new to this, but here goes...
After a series of long stays in the hospital for various illnesses, this Spring my twin found out that he's positive. He told me as soon as he left his doctor's office and I've been there for him ever since going to each appointment with him, helping him eat when he's too weak, and sitting up with him when he cannot sleep. But I'm not sure what to do and say at times. He doesn't want our parents or the rest of our siblings to know and he never wants to talk about his health or his meds. Some days I'm drowning in silence. I want to be supportive, but I don't want to pressure him. Do you have any advice for family members?
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Just be there for him. This, I believe, is the greatest thing you can do.
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Hello Twin, it is Eldon, First of all Welcome to the forums where you will find love, support, encouragement, understanding, fun, and answers to many of your questions relating to HIV/AIDS.
Keep doing what you have been doing and be as supportive as you have been. He is going through a tough time right now. With proper care, adherance, and treatment, his situation will turn itself around, and he'd be willing to talk more later down the road.
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Hi Twin,
I agree with everyone...just be there for him. Let him guide you on what he needs, and when he needs it. He is very blessed to have you.
I had a great deal of trouble telling my family and friends in the beginning. It is not uncommon.
Please post here if you need support, any questions answered, or just a day when you need a big hug. Do you have a local Aids service organization in your area? They should be able to help you also as the caregiver.
Christine
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yes Twin. Just be there. Make sure you tell him you love him. Those words are the keys to the heart.
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Silence is golden. Just having you near has to be a comfort, whether there is dialogue or not. Ask him what he may need and then just be there as much as you're able.
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Hi Twin.
I'm a twin too. My twin is my shadow. I have 4 other brothers but my twin in my shadow. WE have literally shared things from day 1 that my other brothers are completely clueless about. AIDS is not one of them, however, because it is something I chose to share with all of them.
But had I only wanted to share my HIV status with Charlie, I know my secret would be safe.
robert
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Another twin here too, I'm the positive one and my twin sister was the first family member I disclosed to back fifteen years ago when I was diagnosed. Over the years she has always been totally supportive, this has been particularly helpful to me since our mother decided to cut all contact with me (for bringing shame on the family!) and our father died when we were kids.
I understand the difficulty in talking about health, I rarely share this info with my twin - when I got sick in 2003 I actively tried to keep her out of the loop, only for a friend to phone her instead! But although I don't share much, I know that if I were to change my mind then she will always be there for me and just knowing that is all I need.
Like others have said, just being there for your brother is a huge gift you are giving him. As long as he knows that he can tell you anything if and when he chooses then that's worth so much. But also remember that you have needs too - I always made sure my sister knew she could ask me anything about my life with HIV so that she could try and understand what I was going through. Support is a two way process as far as I can see.
Best wishes.
Emma