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Author Topic: History of Liberals and Conservatives  (Read 6847 times)

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Offline jack

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  • Posts: 1,578
  • fomerly the loser known as Jake
History of Liberals and Conservatives
« on: February 21, 2007, 09:35:29 am »
Someone sent this to me today. The person is left coast lib who has never been able to accept  the concept that at its very heart liberalism is immoral and  the dotcom bubble war really caused by Bin Greenspans easy money policies.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of  beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern  civilization and  together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
 
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning  of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to  be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages  were formed.
 
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night  while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known  as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live  off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
B-B-Q's and doing  the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the  Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into  women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,  the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of  Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that  conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by  the jackass.
 
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer  white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their  beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.  Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have  higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,  personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group  therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule  because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
 
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide  for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,  lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone  who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other  conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers  and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans  are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals  remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept  in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get  more for nothing.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2007, 09:45:50 am »
Oh Jakey,

Get over it doll. We all know you're a Democrat voting, Al Gore loving leftist cockfag. :D

The old crowd is gathering in Living With. Buckles, Moffie, Aztecan, Jackieblue, Matty the Damned -- all the originals. Leave the flamebait to the wannabees and come and get down with us.

:-*

MtD

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2007, 09:53:41 am »
the dotcom bubble war really caused by Bin Greenspans easy money policies.

you mean that Greenspan who was appointed by REAGAN?   ha ha ha ha
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline jack

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  • fomerly the loser known as Jake
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2007, 10:41:48 am »
yeah,the same greenspan. One ugly dude. My comment had nothing to do with Clinton,libs, or conservatives, it had to do with a theory of mine in late 90s that caused me great scorn from all my rich friends in techworld, that low interest rates and easy money policies of Greenspan after the South American and Hong Kong collapses of late 90s caused the great dotcom bubble,not some new economy,Clinton or republican congress. Easy money flowed into companies with no revenues or profits and often no business plan.
After the collapse because of Greeny raising interest rates, people put their money into real estate, and of course it is now in the final stages of a bubble. Will real estate crash be like Naz? I have no idea, but I do know when you lend money with nothing down and variable rates,you have a recipe for the perfect disaster.

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2007, 11:37:40 am »
My comment had nothing to do with Clinton,libs, or conservatives,

Odd choice of thread title then!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline jack

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  • fomerly the loser known as Jake
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2007, 11:48:50 am »
never mind. geez. I was commenting on your post about greenspand not lib cons history thing. You have taken anal to a new depth. I give up.


Offline Boo Radley

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    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2007, 12:03:34 pm »
That is one hell of an incisive look at libs vs. cons.   Your contributions to the forum are invaluable, jack.

I especially love the pejorative denotation of all things "female," going so far as to equate being a female as an undesirable circumstance.  Cons "still provide for their women."  I'm glad some of us are living in the 21st century.

Excuse me if I'm wrong but I thought the Blue Whale was the largest and most powerful animal on earth.  I've never been too fond of elephants after one blew its trunk into my box of popcorn at the Audubon Zoo when I was a child, which clearly explains why I'm not a Log Cabin Republican.

You've convinced me of the error of my ways.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2007, 12:14:23 pm »
One needs to look no farther than Star Wars for the complete reliable history of Conservative (The Empire) vs Liberal (The Rebellion).

Think about it.  It applies.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline aupointillimite

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  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2007, 12:56:12 pm »
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, 

The cat was domesticated to keep rodents away from the grain supplies which made cities possible after the Agricultural Revolution.  They killed pests while leaving grain alone... unlike dogs. 

Without cats, rats and mice would have eaten stored grain, cities would have collapsed, and everyone would have starved.

The more you know.


 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2007, 01:02:09 pm »
The cat was domesticated to keep rodents away from the grain supplies which made cities possible after the Agricultural Revolution.  They killed pests while leaving grain alone... unlike dogs. 

Without cats, rats and mice would have eaten stored grain, cities would have collapsed, and everyone would have starved.

The more you know.

And they make nice coats when enough of them piss you off.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,233
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2007, 01:03:22 pm »
And they make nice coats when enough of them piss you off.

The coat's that much warmer when you club the kittens on the head yourself...
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline CaptCarl

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  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2007, 04:07:19 pm »
   I am assuming, after reading the original posting, that perhaps Little Jacky's mommy and daddy didn't pay quite enough attention to him when he was a wee child. Which would go a long way towards explaining why he screams so to get some now. Jacky,Jacky,Jacky, come to us and allow us to give you the great big group hug that you obviously crave so desperately.  :-*  After that we can visualize a bright white healing light surrounding you and helping to make it all better.
   In Loving Friendship, Capt.Carl
   
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline Boo Radley

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  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2007, 05:20:10 pm »
Without cats, rats and mice would have eaten stored grain, cities would have collapsed, and everyone would have starved.

And who can say if the planet might be better off today if we were extinct?  Not I!

But since we're still here I love my cats regardless of their rodenticidal habits.  I'd gladly get the Black Plague if I could keep the kitties.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2007, 07:43:23 pm »
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide  for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,  lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone  who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other  conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers  and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans  are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals  remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept  in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get  more for nothing.



I love the fact that I make more money than most of the conservatives I train to run their businesses.  Most of the time, they can't get their heads far enough off the bottom line to understand that you have to spend money to make money.  And most of the time, conservatives don't understand that happy employees are productive employees.  They also have more heart attacks and are generally a lot fatter than most liberals.  No one actually takes conservatives seriously because they are afraid of women and can't get past the fact that you really don't need to wear a tie to do a good job.  In fact, in most companies run by conservatives, the alpha male doesn't really do anything and depends on his female workers who actually know how the company is run.  But I couldn't possibly have any experience with this kind of stuff because I am a lazy america hating liberal.   Conservatives spend a whole lot of time telling you how honest they are, while raping your pocket book in the name of Jesus, who does, indeed, want you to be rich.   Conservatives hunt with guns because they are too fat and lazy to actually hunt with something difficult like a bow and arrow.  They cough like sissies when asked to run somewhere.  In fact, most male conservatives sleep in silk nighties because their conservative wives caught on long ago that conservatives really actually hate women.   Conservatives hate people who take drugs, but they really like oxycontin.   When conservatives fail at managing the economy, they blame it on liberals, even though liberals haven's been in power since the early nineties.  Mostly though, Conservatives are so wheel of fortune.... liberals are jeopardy.   
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline northernguy

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Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2007, 10:12:16 pm »
And here I though you were talking Canadian politics, where the two main parties are sensibly named the Liberals and the Conservatives.  I mean what's with names like Republicans? Aren't Democrats for the Republic too?  Don't even get me started parties like Christian Democrats etc.

Up here we are unfortunately in an unnatural Conservative interregnum.  Hopefully the stars will soon align and the Liberals , also known as the Natural Governing Party will return to power.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
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Offline whizzer

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Re: History of Liberals and Conservatives
« Reply #15 on: February 21, 2007, 10:21:20 pm »

It's nice to see that our Jack has finally recovered from the November elections and is back to his old self.

Although most of his political railings would probably sound better in their original German.

 


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