Will I ever go back to being me?

[SMARTCHICK]

I was infected in the end of September of 2011 and diagnosed as being HIV positive on June 6, 2012.  I have been on medication since July 14, 2012 and have been undetected since October of 2012. They put my on medications so quick (my cd4 count was 764 and my viral load was 12,680) due to all the health complications I experienced during the point of infection until diagnosis.

I lost 50 pounds, has skin boils/abscesses all over my body - some were so bad they required surgery; I lost a ton of hair, had no energy and looked like a skeleton.

I was infected by my ex-boyfriend who lied to me about being tested negative when he had never tested before in my life.

Before I was infected; I exercised daily and had just successfully completed my first triathlon. I was happy and things were moving forward in my life.

Upon infection...My world has completely changed. I am isolated and seem to be incapable of doing much. I have no friends and barely have my family. I feel that no good man would want me because I have HIV and any man that would sleep wit me knowing that I am positive - I do not want. I think that any man that would sleep with me knowing I am positive - will sleep with anything that walks.

So despite my relationships issues and interpersonal issues.

A part of my spirit was killed when I was infected. I do go to a psych doc who prescribes me meds for all my psychological issues. But it only helps a bit...


Is it possible to be who you once were once you become infected???

[BT65]

Hi Smart,
To answer your question, in my opinion, the answer is no.  Your body has changed.  However, you are on meds, undetectable, so you're in good shape.  What you're going through is completely normal.  You're pretty new into your infection so just give yourself time.

However, you can and will, get back to your running.  There is no reason you won't.  Your body will heal, you will gain strength, and continue doing those physical activities you enjoyed prior to becoming positive.  But, you have to be willing to do the work, and you know what the work is to get back to the point of being able to run long distances.

As for relationships, I married someone after I tested positive, and he never cheated on me.  A person who cares about you and loves you, will not sleep with anyone.  Only you.  And that can get back to normal also. 

I don't know where you are at, but I encourage you to contact your nearest ASO (aids service organization) and see if they have any support groups, or anyone there who you can talk to.  They should also know which counselors in the area have dealt with situations like yours.  Please contact them.

Keep posting, we're here.

Betty

[staysmiling83]

Hi Smart,
I know this is late response... but my opinion is yes and no. It will be two years on new year's event for me and I still have moments when it hits me that I'm poz. Sorry you don't have family support because that would help you.  Every one that knew me before this says that I'm still the same person I use to be but I have also changed. I'm more social and go out. It really is up to you on what you make of this. You can not let this bring you down anymore then it has, trekker it one day at a time.
As far as men go I think that's my biggest problem. If you do find a men especially who is negative isn't a bad thing. It just shows you that you are loved pass this and he sees it.

Here if you ever wanna chat.