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Being supportive & understanding

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med forum:
DTWPUCK,

Thanks for the positive and encouraging words! I really appreciate it. Everyone has their good days and bad days and I try to remind myself that it's ok.
How does that saying go?........"Life is 10% experience and 90% how you deal with those experiences"......or something like that. That couldn't be more true.
I'm happy to say that my boyfriend has been involved in a support group for the last few months. At first he was very reluctant to even give the idea a second thought because he is the type of person that feels and believes that he can manage things on his own and take care of whatever it is by himself. I knew from the beginning that becoming involved in a support group could only be a beneficial thing. But like with most things that we all go through, taking that first step and getting your feet wet is one of the hardest things to do. I'm still in the process of trying to find a group that I could attach myself to.....see I am a 20 something year old negative female and my boyfriend is positive so there are times when I feel like there is more "pressure" on him because of the fact that we may very well never have children . I am ok with that but in the back of his mind I know that that is something that he feels he cannot give me.

Thanks again for your concern and encouragement....

dtwpuck:
Adding the concern about having children is a really tough one.  My advice to you is to do your homework on this one.  While I don't know the specifics here, I am not convinced that it is impossible.  There are others on this forum who know quite a bit about this and I encourage you to seek them out.

Again, your boyfriend is a lucky man.  Be patient with his process.  It will take a while for him to come to terms with his fear of giving it to you.

Peace.

liquidpaper:
Well, our situation is similar... 20'something' yrs old girl here too, engaged with a (great, hot, grrrrr) man who happens to be hiv+... actually, i registered after seeing your message (though i'm still laughing about the name i chose... it's late over here, i'm really sleepy and out of ideas... never thought the name would be definite... well, i'm liquidpaper now, just have to deal with that)

We've been in this relationship with the +/- aspect for some time (i wasn't even near 20 by then) and he told me about his 'status' before we started 'seriously' dating. Every situation, as every person and relationship is different... but there are many things we can share, if you want to.

I agree on that there are not plenty spaces specifically for the people in 'our' situation... i'm most probably in the other side of the world (as my not-very-well-used english may evidence) but i find the same over here... but spaces can be made... one is starting here, I think.

The feeling of 'there's something i can't give you' is something we've been working on for a long time, too... with those exact same words. We've gone through his feeling of being 'poisonous' (as dtwpuck said, with those exact same words too)... there are many things that you may have to take your time to talk about, share and take easy... and work on together. 'Being supportive and understanding' does not only apply to your position towards him... we live in a world in which people like you and me sometimes cannot be seen as something not-heroical or not-'pathologic' (the greatest and most i was said was 'neurotic with suicidal ideas') or not-kamikaze... and that position of ours or way of approaching this particular situation is not easily understood (at least, i've felt it and suffered from it... many times)... support and understanding is something you can do together towards each other and the situation you're living... different from others (as i said before, to me hiv is just one aspect of our relationship... one that makes it particular... one of many)... the world's general vision on hiv (and more important: people... you, everybody here, many others, me...) and the way it influences us is something to work on, too.

Actually, having children (if you both want to) does not have to be impossible (well, it depends as at least here -3rd world country- depends mostly on economical issues)... There's time to think about that. Most of the info i got is in spanish so i'm not sure whether it would be of any help.

Well, i'm almost falling asleep over the keyboard and i'm having a hard day tomorrow... just wanted to say hello and well, leave you my mail address (the one i use for chatting too... though i'm not sure of our time differences, but anyway) --> librecuandoxesoselucha@hotmail.com


Hugs for you and everybody here!

LIB (aka liquidpaper...  ;D)

med forum:
Liquidpaper!

Thank you for your encouraging words!
How have you and your fiance been dealing with his positive status? How long have you been engaged?
Also, if I may ask, do both of your families know of his status and if so, are they supportive?
My boyfriend has only told a few people that he knows he can trust and I've told one close friend.
Because of our work environments, we kinda have to be careful as to who we think should know.
That may change with time, but right now, we're just trying to get through the basics.
My boyfriend found out within the last year and he told me within a month of finding out.
As I had said on the forum, he debated about whether or not to tell me because he really didn't
want to hurt me. He really did expect me to walk away from the relationship becuase
of that as well as his feelings that he wouldn't be able to give me a lot of things.
I really feel like he came into my life for a reason and being positive doesn't change the way that
I look at him in the least bit. Are there days that are difficult, sure. But I have to remember that that is ok.
We all experience good days and bad and we learn from them.

How have you, yourself, been dealing with this new reality? Do you attend a group?
I would really like to hear your story and any suggestions and advice that you may have!

Would you like to have children? And how have you and your fiance been dealing with that?

Look forward to hearing from you soon!

When you get a chance, please email me...I tried to email you at your hotmail account but for some
reason it did not want to go through.
renodsgnr@yahoo.com

Peace & health!

onemoretime:
i can relate to your story.execpt i am the poz one, i came home and told my bf and the love of my life,  I had been having some weird infections around my body the past few months, so i was worried.  we always had an open relatonship, but we were safe,  well when i got home and told him it was poz... the first words out if his mouth were i love you, i love you so much, i will always be with you,  that was 3 years ago.   he meant it.   I consider him the most amzing love, i would climb mountians for him.  reading your post makes me realize how lucky i am to have him.  as your husband is to have u.

thanks sweetie

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