8 years of fear and worry

[Stonecold]

Hi all,

New on here. After 8 years of worry and fear of having hiv I can quiet honestly say I’ve read a lot of not all the information online and have found this site and you guys very informative.

Well where to start. Approx 8 years ago while on holiday in Thailand I had unprotected vaginal sex with a bar girl. Drunken stupid mistake but have dwelled on that long enough. That was the last few nights of the holiday. When I returned to Ireland about a week or maybe 2 after I noticed a stinging sensation when urinating. That followed by creamy coloured discharge. I was horrified. What followed then was night sweats,chills,a rash on my chest, diarrhea and probably generally feeling like crap. I went to the doc and he told me to attend the gum clinic. I guess I put it off for a bit as was so scared I had contracted hiv. In the end I had no option the discharge didn’t go away by itself like I had hoped. I went to the clinic which was 28-30 days after exposure. The doc swabbed the discharge and they took bloods for testing. This was 2010 so what hiv test was used I don’t know. I just know a week later I was told the test was negative for hiv much to my disbelief. Doc said I had gonnereha and gave me pills and on my way I went. He told me return in a few months but I never did. Fear consumed me and I have lived since convinced I have hiv. 2 years after this I meet a wonderful woman whom I feel in love with but broke up with her after about 10 maths as I couldn’t deal with the fact I could give her hiv. We did sleep together after the break up on drunken nights when we meet each other which lead to her falling pregnant. This should have been the incentive to get tested but I couldn’t face it. She had our baby daughter, but I never got back with her or slept with her after that with fear of giving her hiv. I found out all pregnant women are routinely tested in Ireland and gladly know she and my daughter are ok. Sometime this eats me inside if that’s true. My daughter is 5 now and I’ve missed out on so much of her live by not been with her mum. I still live in fear of having hiv. I’ve not been unusually sick in the past 8 years but know people can be symptom free for 10years. I had 2 episodes tho of what I would class as arthritis, which I know hiv can cause. First was 2-3 yrs post exposure my right knee and right wrist got painful for a number of weeks when I couldn’t even walk and only this year I was crippled when numerous joints in my body were painful. Started with my feet, especially heels and my hip, elbow shoulder spine. Basically all over. I had X-rays and fbc done but nothing stood out only a high esr of 70 I think. Also I’d say in the last 8 years my poo has more often than not been of the soft texture. Another hiv symptom. I have had other relationships with women and wrongfully a lot of the time unprotected. I know one girl I was seeing for 6 months now had a husband and daughter. I guess these are some things I grasp at in hope of been negative. That with the 28-30 whatever test it was but it was negative. But then too episodes of unexplained joint pain with the second one been far worse and it feels my body just turned on itself. That I feel was hiv. I have actually booked in for a rapid hiv test next week. I can’t live like this anymore. This has consumed me to a point where I fall asleep thinking about hiv, wake up thinking about it, go through my days at work thinking about it. Googling everything under the sun related to hiv. I just want to get on with my life. I have planned if I’m positive I can fight this. I know it’s not the death sentence it once was, just people ignorance. And I know guys like you here are more than supposrtive.
Thank you 😊

[Ptrk3]

Symptoms of potential HIV infection are notoriously difficult to determine since symptoms, if they occur at all, vary widely, so it's not productive of you to self-diagnose.

Since you did have a risk (male engaging in unprotected vaginal sex), albeit small, the only way for you to know (and for your own peace of mind) for sure is to be tested for HIV antibodies. 

Consult with your health care provider to determine your path forward.

In the meantime, you can console yourself with the statistical odds (low) of contracting the HIV in the manner you have described in your post:

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/estimates/riskbehaviors.html

[Stonecold]

Ithanks for your reply. I am still really concerned. Have myself booked in for a rapid test this week and I’m convinced it will be positive. But it’s not the end of the world I guess. Just a new chapter 😀

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Look i'm glad your daughter is negative an the mother at the time. This of course does not reflect your status and the only way of knowing is testing.

Glad to hear you are getting tested so you can finally put this behind you.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

Please Note.
As a member of the AM I Infected Forum you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post and it will take you here . It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be deleted.

[Stonecold]

Thanks Jim,

I have read a lot of your responses on here. You seem like a very nice person.

After 8 years untreated have I done any irreversible damage to my body or compromised the effectiveness of treatment? I sometimes imagine if I could get back with my x and be a family. That could be a dream too much.

[Wade]

Hi,

I have arthritis and have had both my knees replaced because of it.
My brother and sister have it as well. It's hereditary and has nothing to do with HIV.

Go get tested and know your status.

Wade