Thank You Captain Morgan

[Biggums]

It's been a rough time lately.  Me and my honey have been going through some rough moments as all relationships do.  I have been somewhat hesitant to post about it alot because, well I just have.  But here are some bullet points:

* I am 44 and he is 25.  The age difference alone causes some issues.  I am content at coming home from work, making dinner, going for a walk and watching a John Wayne movie!  He says sometimes I am so Old School!  lol  He needs to go out with his younger friends, mostly people I do not know.

* Finances are always a challenge.

*  Neither of our parents are happy with our relationship.  His mom feels I am way too old for him and even though she is a total horror of a mother who does nothing to support him emotionally, she doesn't like the fact that he has chosen me for his partner.  My family barely tolerates me being gay and some of them have made it clear I am not welcome on holidays if he is coming with me.

*  Since being diagnosed, his sex drive is in the tank.  This frustrates the hell out of me and I vacillate between trying to be this noble knight who understands his fears and concerns and this horny monster who needs what daddy needs.  I'd love to say nobility wins the day always but it doesn't and I find myself being selfish and demanding.

*  I'm Mr Emotional and he is Mr Laid Back, just roll with the flow.

All of this has caused strain and warning flags going up all over the place that we were heading for a meltdown. 

Last night we went to the ball game, a company outing with about 600 people there.  On the way he surprised me by asking if we could stop off and get a bottle of Parrot Bay.  We haven't drank anything for a long time and it threw me for a loop.  Mr. conservative that I am went into a sermon about how me might get caught sneaking it in, how it would look to others, blah, blah.  He gave me those sad puppy dog eyes and I relented.  As a result, he had a blast and so did I.  But the best part was when we got home and we was still drunk.  He told me to sit down and for the first time in a long time shared his deep feelings for me and about his HIV and his dreams and life.  I was stunned but man it was great. 

So I wanted to ask you guys a few things that I think will help me.  First, how long after your diagnosis did your sex drive come back, if it dropped off at all? Also, for those serodiscordant couples, how do you handle this.

Also for the emotional weenie in me, I am a clingy person and need constant stroking (no that kind although it helps alot) and daily affirmation.  That drives a kick back person nuts I am understanding.  What can I do to ease up on this so he doesn't feel smothered?

I love him with all my heart but realized last night that love doesn't conquer all things.  I need to make some changes.  Any advice would be appreciated.

And again, thanks Captain Morgan.

[allopathicholistic]

First, how long after your diagnosis did your sex drive come back, if it dropped off at all? Also, for those serodiscordant couples, how do you handle this.

Hi Biggums. In my case it dropped off for a few days but I was 29 years old at the time. My then HIVneg boyfriend and I talked with an HIV doctor who simply said "condoms and good hygiene are your friends." We got back into the swing of things in about a wekk.

Wishing you the best

[Moffie65]

Jim,

I read your post, and I am happy for you.

The question you ask is way to personal for me to respond to here, but I might think about a PM, but please don't expect too much encouragement from this aging fart.

In Love

[ACinKC]

I would think the easiest most simple answer is....

Buy a CASE of Parrot Bay!!!  You know what they say.....

[Biggums]

Tim,

I always welcome your Private IM's and you know it.  Will look forward to your reply.

AC, your reply cracks me up!  Maybe I should just go out and buy a case!  lol

[MSPspud]

It's hard to say how long the drive is diminished as it's totally different for everyone.  At the time of my diagnosis I was also battling other issues, so my taking a year may be a little unrealistic for him.  I also noticed a diminished sex drive since being on meds a year ago and that hasn't really changed much.  Then again, I have passed that thirty year mark, so who the hell knows anymore. 

Regardless of time and sex drive, the most important thing is that you've talked.  Keep the lines of communication open, whether it takes a fight or a periodic bottle of something.   

[Oceanbeach]

I'll take two Pina Coladas, One for Each Hand...

Yeah, I have been setting sail with Captain Morgan since the night I ended my 10 day marriage.

Back to your question about having sex drive...  I had no sex drive for months after my HIV diagnosis but, before I knew it, I was back on top (literally).  I continued to be bold, brash and obnoxious in public through the first three years of my AIDS diagnosis.  A few years ago, I left my home of Los Angeles, spent years alone and finally meet someone.  We live on the same corner of the same streets but live miles apart.  One day, not unlike any other, I walked into his office, sat on his lap and said, I love you so what are we going to do about it.

He has job stress, situational depression from a former partner who died of AIDS and has been crushed by another former partner.  I can fix two out of three so I kissed him and said see you later.

I'll take two Pina Coladas, One For Each Hand, Set Sail with Captain Morgan to the Promised Land
This one is worth waiting for and I deserve the best.  Have the best day
Michael

www.Commission-on-AIDS.org