belief:
when i am struggling, writing often helps me and today, i am struggling. some of you may have followed my story, other maybe not. i have been dealt some very difficult cards over the past few months and yet another one has fallen on my lap. my husband of five and a half years is gone. i am so sad, so crushed and feel so guilty and so responsible for him being gone from our son. one week ago he took his life. i saw him that day and he was doing ok and that night he was gone. he is really gone and i can't even believe i will never see him again, never hear his voice again, never feel his touch again. nothing. he killed himself and i feel likeit is all my fault. i miss him and my son is hurting without him. how can i do this alone? i just don't know where else to go right now.
emeraldize:
Dear Belief,
I've not followed your story, but I am responding to your current story,the most important story, your post of today.
I would like to suggest several things. First, if you can, talk to someone who specializes in grief counseling as soon as possible. Second, if you can't, or in addition to counseling, research on-line or get a book that will clarify for you the distinct stages of grief especially in relation to suicide. Understanding these stages will help you to realize what you are going through is not only normal but documented and understandable. And, finally, take time to take good care of yourself in the most basic ways: eating, sleeping, bathing, relaxing, spending time with your son and any other loved ones who will support you during this crisis.
The name you chose as your posting name, Belief, indicates to me that you know you can create what reflects a belief. If you believe you will emerge from this very necessary period of grief as a complete person who wants to see her son grow up, that is precisely what will occur.
Em
Ulong:
My God. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry, and you can always come here.
--- Quote ---First, if you can, talk to someone who specializes in grief counseling as soon as possible. Second, if you can't, or in addition to counseling, research on-line or get a book that will clarify for you the distinct stages of grief especially in relation to suicide. Understanding these stages will help you to realize what you are going through is not only normal but documented and understandable. --- End quote ---
I am so with Em on this, you are under a huge burden. Losing someone to suicide has its own kind of pain, on top of what you already have to deal with. Feeling guilty and responsible is normal and understandable, and it will most likely take time to understand that you're not guilty or responsible for him dying. Saying that to you right now probably doesn't help, you most likely are totally overloaded now and just trying to endure the pain you're feeling this minute---sometimes that's all you can do. But I feel like I need to say it anyhow even if you can't accept it yet. I hope you eventually can. You have more than enough to deal with. It all must hurt like a mother&$#er right now. {{{{hugs}}}}
BT65:
I am so, so sorry and am keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. Please get some help! It's not your fault. Here's a kiss for each of you: :-* :-* Betty