One month today

[Poppy33]

Today makes one month since I was diagnosed. Tcell count  is 276 ans my viral load is 109,996. I am currently on meds for 16days. I am due to for new lab work next week on the the 21st. I am having such a hard time. The first three weeks my anxiety levels were thru the roof. I counldnt even function. The doctor says it's not the meds. I never cried so much as I have in this past month. My boyfriend of 20 years ( who recently tested negative) thank god! is my only support and he is a way for work this week. Him and my best friend are the only two that know. My best friend has too much of his own drama to deal with mine. I totally understand. I so wish right now that I had someone to talk to. I want to tell the people in my life, but I know that is a wrong move. I don't think it will go well. I can't stop thinking of my diagnose. It keeps playing over & over in my head. These meds are making me feel like shit on top of my mind playing tricks on me. Not to mention I lost so much weight. I am feeling a lot better this week. My appetite is back and the anxiety level is low. Just really wish I could find others to talk to & share.

[initforlife]

Poppy , Welcome you came to the right place.. I was feeling the same way you were just about a week ago . thought it was my meds. but those feelings and hopelessness is gone right now.. So I can see the light at the end of the tunnel I am now having more good days then bad. We are all here for you  . and there are some very good people on this site who can answer any of your concerns or questions.. If they don't know the answer they will try and find it for you! I'm sorry you are poz . Please know it really isn't the end of the world and you will adjust and go on with a somewhat normal life!

[zach]

hey poppy, of course the diagnosis sucks bigtime. on the brightside, you found us

welcome, anytime you need to vent something, you're safe to do that here, no judgement

i really wish there was some way of sitting down every newly diagnosed and telling them

chill, relax like buddha, calm thoughts

take a deep breath

everything is going to work out ok, in time

don't tell anyone, until you are ready, and that might be never, that is ok

[Poppy33]

Thank you for ur responses. I hate when 3:30 rolls around and it's time to take my meds. I feel like it hits me the hardest in the beginning up until the 6hr mark. Am I crazy? After 16 days I would think that all side effects would be known. It's seems everyday I feel something new.

[zach]

i have a solution for that! take your meds at 4pm 

there is always a silver lining. sounds like you only have one med call per day. and i'm betting one pill. it can be so much worse.

be proud of yourself for 1. your early diagnosis 2. your rapid and highly effective response to the situation you in

you got this baby, easy as the breeze

[NewAdventure1]

Welcome

I received my diagnosis a little over a month ago as well. It was a very hard hit to me as well, I start nursing school this fall and I was so fearful life was over.

I can't say it gets better, but you're in care And that Iis the first step.

[absopozilutely]

I'm quickly approaching my 6 month mark in less then 30 days, I think it was toughest the first 3 months, then it got a bit easier and now I honestly don't think about it much. In fact, one of my current best friends I met on here, and in 6 months our friendship has blossomed, I hope he doesn't see this and get a big ego lol. But really, we leaned on each other when needed, slapped each other when needed, and sometimes even just distracted each other. Jeff and Ann are the two moderators that I've talked the most with, you'll like them. There's a few things we all have in common, we all have the same disease, we all are alive-and grateful, and we all don't judge. You can come on here and say the most ridiculous thing and we would just laugh with you. It gets easier, like I said most days I don't even think about it, 6 months ago I thought I was done for, but really, you will be fine, like Zach said, Breathe!

Abso!

[Poppy33]

So far today is a good day. Every time I start to feel a little normal the little voice pops in my head & it says HIV. It's terrible. That's usually when the anxiety kicks in.