What Do I Do?

[WhereintheworldisCSD?]

So, about a year ago I was informed by a stranger that my then partner was positive for HIV as well as herpes, my partner stated that they were not aware and we both got tested, of course they came back positive. About two and a half months after this, I realized that he was lying to me because I heard the doctor at the clinic that he was at say that the last time he was there the results were x y and z, mind you this was supposed to be his first visit ever. So, I always told him that he needed to make amends with that decision to have sex with people and not disclosed his status. I did stay originally afterwards because I had a lot of things going on and I honestly needed time to process what he did, because like I stated he did not tell me and lied to me about his test results that I asked about in the beginning of our relationship. So, now we are no longer together but I'm wondering what my options are and what I should do because I found out that for years he was having sex with women and not disclosing his status and I'm pretty sure that after me, he will go back to doing so. I am not trying to be vengeful in this situation at all, I'm actually a big advocate and ally for the community and do research on HIV, but I feel like this is a public health issue and even what happened to me was utterly crazy and unnecessary, he took away my choice to be with him or not, which honestly I would have still been with him but like I said he took my choice away as well as others and I don't want him to do the same to anyone else. So, if anyone has advice on next steps I would really appreciate it because I'm super lost.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Sorry to hear that you acquired HIV and were diagnosed about a year ago.

Have you started HIV treatment, and if so, how is that going for you? How are your lab results looking?

Do you have any support? like, peer support groups or counseling/therapy?

my partner stated that they were not aware and we both got tested, of course they came back positive.

I heard the doctor at the clinic that he was at say that the last time he was there the results were x y and z

Did your ex-partner start treatment?

[leatherman]

if anyone has advice on next steps I would really appreciate it because I'm super lost.

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. As to what steps to take next:

1. Make sure to take your meds every day.
2. Sadly you've learned the lesson already that unprotected sex puts you at risk for STIs but reaching and staying Undetectable for 6 months will keep you from transmitting HIV to anyone else. However make sure to always use protection for safer sex so you don't get anything else.
3. Improve your health with exercise, reducing stress, stop smoking, etc.
4. Live your life to the fullest. Untreated HIV is a death sentence; but TREATED HIV is just another of many chronic manageable illnesses.

as far as your ex-partner, there's really nothing to do. If possible and you speak with them, you can encourage them to start meds, if they haven't already, and to use protection to avoid other STIs. Otherwise, the best thing for you to do is just move on. If others choose to have unprotected sex with them, that's their choice in the same way it was your choice.

[mecch]

Hi guys.  Wonder if this person will come back.

I read the "they came back positive" with some ambiguity, like maybe the boyfriend's came back positive but it isn't clear to me this poster's were also positive?

[Jim Allen]

I read the "they came back positive" with some ambiguity, like maybe the boyfriend's came back positive but it isn't clear to me this poster's were also positive?

I agree that it could be read that way, but I would rather presume otherwise and ask questions to clarify.

Wonder if this person will come back.

Doubtful and ill leave it at that unless the OP returns to clarify and answer a few questions put to them.