Back on Meds… thank you Poz.com

[numbersguy82]

I’ll try not to make this a long winded post. I joined these forums when first diagnosed back in 2010 and for a few years I did everything right. I took my medications, I posted here to alleviate loneliness and isolation, and for a while things were good. Until they weren’t. I was so concerned with the physical wellness approach to coping that I never thought to address the mental.

I’ll spare you the details but I spent the last 10 years on a self harm mission that involved many suicide attempts and one very public disappearance. Picture a seemingly well adjusted 30 yo professional leaving his luxury high rise in Fort Lauderdale for a jog, and just never returning. For almost two weeks my family and friends searched. The local media assumed I had met with foul play. My roommate was accused of murder. All the while I spent my days on a draw bridge trying to find the courage to jump. The ending was screenplay worthy that involved a 4 hour standoff on the roof of a high rise that saw a dozen officers pleading with me to come off the ledge.

And that is exactly what I did. I came down. I realized I stopped taking my medications because I wanted to die a slow painful death because that’s what I thought I deserved. I decided I needed change so I gave up everything. I left my entire life back in Florida, all of my friends. I attended therapy weekly. I have two peer sponsors on speed dial 24/7. And last week I finally decided that I was mentally well enough to go back on medication.

My biggest fear was building resistance to the newer lifesaving treatments, so even tho my cd4 fell below 200 in 2018, I knew I needed more time. Randomly I rejoined these forums and for a while I didn’t know why. Then I met Jim, Michael (Leatherman), Kenneth, and so many others and I realized that the missing piece was acceptance. I needed to be reminded that this is just a virus. Period. It doesn’t define us or me. Yes it’s inconvenient and requires proper management, but it isn’t the end. My community here has reminded me that there’s so much more. I can’t express my gratitude enough and I hope this resource continues for years and years to come. I also hope that I continue for years and years to come as well. Honestly I didn’t think I’d ever say that again! Tomm is July 3rd, and also my Birthday, and this year truly feels like a new beginning!

[leatherman]

well first off, Happy Birthday! Being alive for your birthday is the greatest, and I'd recommend it for everyone. LOL

Welcome back to the meds! For me I pop a small handful (2 HIV meds, 1 small BP, 2 acyclovir) every morning and go on about my business. Resistance is so 1999. ROFLMAO

I'm glad to hear things are better for you. Enjoy getting older. It's the best!

[Jim Allen]

Thanks for sharing, I know that can't have been easy.

For various reasons, plenty of us have and continue to fall into this trap of focusing so much on physical wellness that the mental/emotional side of things becomes neglected.

It's a journey and glad to hear that you are starting to do better and ready to restart HIV treatment.

Randomly I rejoined these forums and for a while I didn’t know why. Then I met Jim, Michael (Leatherman), Kenneth, and so many others and I realized that the missing piece was acceptance. I needed to be reminded that this is just a virus. Period. It doesn’t define us or me. Yes it’s inconvenient and requires proper management, but it isn’t the end. My community here has reminded me that there’s so much more. I can’t express my gratitude enough and I hope this resource continues for years and years to come. I also hope that I continue for years and years to come as well. Honestly I didn’t think I’d ever say that again!

Glad to hear the forums and the members helped. It has also provided me with great support over the years, and I love interacting with you guys. Can't agree more that this is just a virus, and it does not define us.

I hope you have a lovely birthday




No idea who these guys are but this is what comes up when I typed in "Gay birthday" ... Hope you like it.

[numbersguy82]

I'm glad to hear things are better for you. Enjoy getting older. It's the best!

I can’t wait until I finally secure that early bird special discount… I’m always thinking about food lol

Thanks my friend!

[numbersguy82]

No idea who these guys are but this is what comes up when I typed in "Gay birthday" ... Hope you like it.

GASP…. Are you saying I’m gay 😱😱😱

Kidding! I appreciate you Jim, you aren’t half bad… you know for a straight guy lol

PS- none of those guys I find attractive

[leatherman]

you aren’t half bad… you know for a straight guy lol

omg ROFLMAO
that's funny .... and true.

none of those guys I find attractive

hmmm, maybe you aren't gay.

[Shazam9cd4]

Thanks for having the courage to share.  Many of us on the same journey. Looking for that escape button. Finding a different bridge.   Digging deep for the courage to step back from the ledge and continuing our journey through life.

[kentfrat1783]

There was a reason that I got on here today.  It was to wish you a great big Happy Brithday. 

We need to enjoy and cherish each day we have.  Yes, some days won't be great but we got to keep looking forward.  Yes it is very hard to do at times but that is why we have (virtual) friends to lean on. 

Glad your back on the meds but this is your choice.  I've never done a vacation (I think that is an old term so sorry if offensive (I don't know)) but I've heard others do it.

For me I take a small handful of pills but I've taking it down to the point that it's just a pill, and pill, and pill, and pill....      I do have otehr issues outside of HIV so I have a few extra but I'm also working on my diet and exercise to hopefully get off others.

Just know we are here for you.  Hugs

[numbersguy82]

Finding a different bridge. 

Thank you for sharing and wow this one part hit hard!

[numbersguy82]

There was a reason that I got on here today.  It was to wish you a great big Happy Brithday. 

Just know we are here for you.  Hugs

Aw thank you! I hope you have a great 4th!

[Tonny2]

              ojo.             @numbwesguy82… happy belated birthday!!… what a story, but I am glad that you had decided to give a chance to life. There is life after an HIV diagnosis, specially, now that he takes just one pill a day to have a normal life. I hope and you turn the page and keep taking your medication as prescribed and have a good attitude towards life. Now that you are positive, you got to be more positive!. Wishing you the best and please keep us posted you are not alone.