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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: tednlou2 on May 28, 2011, 04:48:42 am

Title: Taking Time Away
Post by: tednlou2 on May 28, 2011, 04:48:42 am
Since my other thread was locked down before I could read what was in it, I'm starting this thread.  I intentionally did not look at my own thread yesterday, because I had a feeling I would get some smart ass responses.  I didn't want to get upset, so I avoided the thread.  I was tipped off by a member that this assault had occurred.  It seems the most innocuous threads turn so hateful and fast. 

I have never felt so hurt as I do now.  It is really a shame.  I think there is really this Them vs Us mentality here.  Anyone who is newly diagnosed or hasn't had all the problems as other members have their issues and concerns discounted by some very vocal members.  This "get some fucking help man" shit is really hilarious.  First, I guess this means everyone should just be A-ok with this virus within about a month of dx?  6 months?  A year?  Complain about something after that, then you have some mental problems?  I'm amazed how anyone can come to terms and move on knowing you will die without treatment.  That even with treatment, you read story after story how HIV is probably gonna cause this, this, oh, and that.  Seeing in the short time I've been here, at least 3 members die.  I'm surprised I've done as well as I have.  So, I really am amazed how so many are able to deal with that, put it away, and move on.  It is amazing how strong the body and mind are often times.  But, I wasn't posting that I'm currently so worried about thrush or asking questions like, "Do you guys think this is thrush?  I really think I have thrush.  It must be thrush."  I actually made fun of myself for briefly going to that place thinking it was.  My partner and I even had a good laugh that I got so worked up over it, when it turned out to be a mint.  A fucking mint.  I was embarrassed.  And, from the pix I've seen, it didn't look all that much different.  I'm still learning about all this and finding my way.  I would think many would have worries even 5 years post dx.  This all happened within a period of about an hour--from seeing it in the mirror to realizing I was very mistaken.  It isn't like I went into some great depression over it.  It happened last weekend and I didn't even mention it until early Thursday morning. 

I'm not sure what the posting guidelines here are anymore.  I decided to post it in order to possibly help others (especially people newly dx'd) to not freak out over things until they know what it is.  That is why I entitled it, "Things Aren't Always As They Seem."  I felt this experience could possibly help someone else.  About my "constant postings about one imagined health issue after another", I have no idea what that is about.  Sure, when I first joined this group, I posted things about my health.  However, if you look at my posting history in Living With, most of my threads have been about things about HIV in the news, sharing clips about HIV being discussed on TV shows, etc.  I think my last thread about me was about having a problem with my doctor.  No, it was about joining a study about liver disease in people with HIV.  That got few responses.  I would have to look back at my own posting history, but I think it has been a long time, since I posted something about being worried about some health issue.  When I first came here, I posted in the LTS forum.  It was not closed to non LTS members then.  Someone was having a liver transplant.  I simply asked whether HIV caused the liver disease and the need for transplant.  That was it!  A very simple question.  Besides being told I shouldn't post there, I got nasty comments about how "members don't have time to hold my hand."  I think that was my first post, or either the first 3 posts.  There was already an attitude against a newer member before that person had ever read anything I posted.  I think this proves a attitude towards new or fairly new members of the HIV club.  Some see others posts through a prejudiced lens.     

I seem to remember comments about LTS members being coffin dodgers and a few other bad remarks.  That was just dismissed by everyone as humor I suppose, because no one seemed to care about that.  But, I'M being disrespectful to LTS'ers??  Many of the people who assaulted me just let that go.  That was just humor, right?  I think it is a little hypocritical.  I even mentioned in my thread that there are members here going through some really serious shit.  I was pointing out how silly my jumping to conclusions was compared to that.  And, again, thinking it could help newer members.  I think I've come a fucking long way in dealing with this.  I think I spend more time in the Off Topic forum now than I do here. 

But, it does come down to what newer members are "allowed" to post in your opinions before it is written off as some mental health problem or rubbish?  Is it based on the CD4 count the person has?  If it is over a certain number, should they just keep their mouths shut about things concerning them?  Should you only post about health issues, if the CD4 is around the AIDS level?  I thought the LTS members had their own forum that they rightly fought for as their own where they could discuss really serious issues and not be bothered by these much less serious ones.  Does the Living With forum now have those same posting guidelines?  I'm in no way suggesting LTS members shouldn't give their very valuable and needed input, but it seems Living is becoming an extention of the LTS forum.  Do you wait to post about something much less serious until every member is in good health?  Suggesting that I was being insensitive to the hell Carl is going through really hurt the most. 

Would the responses have been different if I said I was worried about having thrush and didn't say it was a mint?  Would I have been attacked for wondering whether I had thrush?  Would the responses have been, "No Ted, that is not thrush.  You're okay."  I think the responses would have been the same, "How dare you talk about your concerns, when so many here have bigger problems."  It does seem to be that way.  What if it really was thrush, would that have changed things?  Or, still not at the level of seriousness that others are going through?  If you get PCP, then some will say, "Well, you haven't had PCP and CMV at the same time."  I can hear the responses now.  "No, Ted, this is due to your constant thinking that  something is wrong with you."  I say, show me current threads where I've been biting my nails wondering whether I've got this or that, or whether I'm going to die from this or that."  In fact, I think the last time I posted something wondering what it is was last summer when I got a fungal infection around my mouth.  I posted a pic at that time, too.  Almost ONE year ago.  Miss P will sure to bring up all my posts.  I think the ones after that were posting about my latest labs.  But, I even stopped doing that even before being attacked for my signature line being too self-indulgent.  I had to be scolded for double spacing.  Really?  Instead of saying it nicely that my sig line was too long, it was said in an abrasive way.  Why?  Like I said, I think my last posts about me were issues with my doctor.  The other one was about being in the liver study.  And, I still say this one was NOT all nail biting wondering whether you guys thought I had something awful and was going to die.  Again, I was making fun of myself for going there in an attempt to possibly help others.  Can't stress that enough.  Some thought it was thrush.  There were few responses about the fungal infection on my arm---but I wasn't soliciting info on that.  I just bring it up, because what if I asked about the fungal infection on my arm?  Would I have been attacked for mentioning it and asking what it means it terms of immune health?  Would I be told to see a therapist?  And, that is another thing.  The tone when you say to get help (as it comes off in text) sounds sooo disrespectful and like I have some huge mental problem.  That sounded like something you'd say to someone who likes to have sex with their dad.  "Get some help, man."  I really deserve that for what I posted? 

So, I'm not sure what to do here.  I will be the first to admit that I still have a long way to go in coming to terms with this virus.  My therapist said I have PTSD from getting so sick that I was gasping for breath, turning blue, and had to be rushed to the ER.  And, being dx'd with AIDS in the hospital and told I would have died if I hadn't been able to make it to the hospital when I did.  That will fuck with your mind.  And, I know many here have very similar stories and much, much, much worse.  But, I have come a long, long way since then.  I only bring up the PTSD stuff in case a newer member is wondering whether I've just been in total awesome health, never had a worry in the world about HIV, and worry for no good reason.  I will just say once more that my posting history has been grossly misrepresented.  I purposely curbed talking about having pneumonia in the hospital.  I began to refer to it "as being sick that time" and then would only mention it when someone was talking about pneumonia.  I've seen how others are made fun of for talking about issues in their life more than a couple times.  But, each thread is a new thread with new members, but whatever.  I hope to get to where many here are where they don't give HIV much thought at all, don't have anxiety about any of it, and are in peace about it.  Again, I've come a long way getting there.  I will just say it is so disrespectful to tell someone they aren't totally at peace with this virus within a certain time-frame.  When did HIV become like dealing with being told you have a swollen prostate?  I thought this is something that takes a long time for many to come to terms with.  What is the purpose of Living With?  What things should be discussed there?  Research has its place.  LTS members have their place.  Newly dx'd have their place.  What should Living With be about?  Learning you've had sex with the HR person?  I have no clue who even posted that at this point, so I apologize for singling you out whoever you are.  I enjoyed that post actually.   

I've enjoyed my time here--at least 90% of the time.  I have come to like many members here--even the ones I've criticized.  I will just say if you thought a member had an anxiety issue, how would hateful remarks help matters?  Tough love?  Members who had issues could have ignored the thread or said something more constructive in a friendly manner.  I just don't understand the need to go off on someone--especially in a very innocuous thread where I didn't say anything hateful, mean, or disrespectful.  Is because I just ain't had it as bad as others?  I just don't understand it.  And, we know it isn't just me.  Thread after thread gets locked down here due to some who just seem to look for fights.  It seems some are just waiting to pounce on something--like they get their kicks from arguments and throwing out slurs.  Am I just too sheltered here in KY?  I know New Yorkers and people from larger cities have the reputation of being more direct and abrasive.  I'm just so dumbfounded tonight about all this.  Is it about getting rid of all members, except for a certain clique?  I'm just asking question here.  I'm upset and hurt.  For someone who was dealing with his anxiety issues fairly well, I'm going to have to break out the Xanax that I put away because I didn't think I needed anymore because I was doing much better.  But apparently, I'm a nutcase.   

So, I'm not saying I'm leaving for good and taking my toys and going home.  I'm sure many here wouldn't care one way or another.  I will find it very extremely difficult to ever participate in the Living With forum again.  It seems apparent that unless you've lost several loved ones to AIDS or had a lot of hell in your life (and I say that with all the respect in the world), then you have no idea what it is like to have HIV and your responses are not valued.  Members here have made their feelings KNOWN.  I think that feeling is "Ted (or put the name in the blank)has no idea what it is like to have HIV and he's got serious mental issues".  Or something like that.  But, again, I don't want to confuse my own point.  I had one brief anxiety issue over thinking I had thrush.  I stated how silly I felt.  I said others have way bigger problems.  I even said how I'm in good health and actually getting chunky.  How that translates into I think I'm in poor health, I have so many health problems, etc, etc, I'll never know.  Or, was that the problem?  I do believe there is this perception of me that nothing could be wrong with me, because I'm not on meds yet after all.  I don't even know what it is like to be on meds, so how dare I talk about HIV stuff?  I thought this was suppose to be a safe place for everyone to talk about things.  Of course one member's fungal infection isn't going to compare to someone being in the hospital for several months.  Are their experiences discounted and not valid?  It does remind me of people who are hungry here and people saying until you've lived in Africa, you have no idea what hunger is.  They are still hungry even if they aren't literally starving to death.  I'll check my mail here, if anyone wants to clue me in.  I'll take some time away, think about things, and hope I don't regret anything I said out of hurt and anger.   
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: spacebarsux on May 28, 2011, 05:27:27 am
Solution of the problem:- Lets have a new forum for people diagnosed after the year 2000. Restricted participation of course. I think everyone would be pleased.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: hope_for_a_cure on May 28, 2011, 07:52:16 am
Ted,

First off, sorry to read that your feelings have been hurt so badly and I hope that you would not bail out of here forever (not that you said you would).  The forums are open to individuals who have many different experiences and views; therefore, the responses posted will range from supportive to speculative.  Your doctor will be able to take one quick look and determine if you have thrush or not and should be able to give you a definitive answer regarding that.

If you must, take a break and re-group.  The important thing is this:  if you have health concerns, use the forums only as an information supplement.  I dont know your posting history here so I really cant comment on that aspect of your post.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Dachshund on May 28, 2011, 08:52:39 am
Let me admit I only skimmed your post but I get the jist of it. I think you're trying to paint a false narrative of the old canard of "us versus them." If you look back through that thread you'll see very few LTS even participated. Some supporting you, others not so much. In my humble opinion if you had taken the opportunity to be a bit self effacing and posted this in Off Topic I doubt it would have blown up. That said, you have the freedom to post what you want and people have the freedom to respond.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: rocky48 on May 28, 2011, 09:02:51 am
Ted

I hope you hang around with your views. It's important as a member with only three years of being positive to have everyone views to read. I for one don't always know what questions to ask my ID doctor but things I read on here help me to understand some of the medical questions and problem that come up. We should respect each other on here living with hiv.

Take care.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: mikeyb39 on May 28, 2011, 10:06:40 am
Hi Ted,

I understand you're concern and feelings.  I myself have anxiety about posting anything here for the fear of being attacked, so I mostly just use the site for information and it gives me something to browse thru when I'm surfing the net.  Most folks are pretty nice, but i Know some like to be confrontational it just seems to be in their nature I guess.  I will respond to a post once in a while and usually on pins and needles waiting for someone to give me a bad response, so I feel ya.

I hope you stick around though, I do enjoy you're threads.

mike
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: worried100 on May 28, 2011, 10:19:20 am
I hardley post either but i like reading your posts too. I know excatly how you feel, It will be two years since diagnosis soon and i still worry like mad.

If its in your nature to worry, you will do. I hope in gets easier in time (For those of us this way inclined) ???
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 28, 2011, 10:37:44 am
Amen sista!   I could post that the sky is blue and still receive posts telling me how wrong I am.  The thing is, being "newly diagnosed" you (and I) are more likely to have questions or ask about experiences because we havent had them or are nervous or curious.

That just opens the door for some.  

I cant wait to see what vitriole this thread unleashes.  Let it begin.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: komnaes on May 28, 2011, 10:39:14 am
Lets have a new forum for people diagnosed after the year 2000. Restricted participation of course. ..

Actually a forum of departure notes, temporarily or otherwise, could be a far more interesting read.. but either case a multi-paragraphs post that reads a thesis submission in Liberty University would likely to drive any sensible readers away anyway, methink.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Cliff on May 28, 2011, 11:32:15 am
Sorry you're hurt, Ted.  For what it's worth, I don't think you're crazy.  This will blow over.  It may not seem like it now, but it will. 

Take care.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: WillyWump on May 28, 2011, 12:09:49 pm
Vacation request denied.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: emeraldize on May 28, 2011, 12:11:57 pm
Vacation request denied.

It was worked out with the HR guy.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 28, 2011, 12:34:35 pm
Ted, I wish to apologize for referencing another members health in your original thread and trying to contrast that with the subject of your post. I was angry and feeling helpless regarding their health and I allowed myself to lash out at you and that was wrong and I sincerely apologize for any hurt that may have caused.  I suppose having been a "coffin dodger" for so long, I sometimes forget what it was once like, after first becoming poz, when every sneeze or sniffle had me thinking I had one foot in the grave.  The fact that HIV is a very different disease today, in terms of treatments, etc., does not diminish the mental toll that a positive diagnosis brings.  If my comments seemed insensitive to your adjusting to your status, I apologize for the words, but not for the intent.

To me, from your posting history, you appear to be having a very difficult time adjusting to being poz.  I get that and there is nothing wrong with it taking some time, however at some point, you need to come to some form of acceptance with your own infection.  But when you reference me as someone promoting an "us vs. them" mentality or that I am "assaulting" you, by sharing my views, I realize there is nothing I can say to help you understand my intent.

Believe it or not, I really was trying to help you, because I know the damage that comes when we become so afraid of something that we are forced to live with and are unable to resolve that conflict.  No matter what you decide, I hope you can see that you have many friends here.  I wish you only the best.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: OneTampa on May 28, 2011, 01:17:46 pm
Hi Ted,

I understand you're concern and feelings.  I myself have anxiety about posting anything here for the fear of being attacked, so I mostly just use the site for information and it gives me something to browse thru when I'm surfing the net.  Most folks are pretty nice, but i Know some like to be confrontational it just seems to be in their nature I guess.  I will respond to a post once in a while and usually on pins and needles waiting for someone to give me a bad response, so I feel ya.

I hope you stick around though, I do enjoy you're threads.

mike

So on point.  Thanks!
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: LM on May 28, 2011, 02:47:56 pm
I kinda understand. I mean, I was just recently diagnosed, and I know what it's like to be worried about every sneeze, every spot that shows up on you. I didn't bother anyone with these concerns because I knew I would be annoying, so the best thing I could do was read, read and read a bit more. Here and elsewhere. I knew people here were tired of answering the same kind of questions, or reading questions that are absurd.

Despite that, I see that the big majority of people, especially some LTS, are amazing people, the kind of people I would live to meet and talk, laugh and drink the night away with. I have seen one or two that act like they are special in this place, and that others, especially those newly diagnosed, don't have a say, since they know nothing. But I don't mind that, these people are just trying to feel good abot something. I, for once, got diagnosed recently, but I wasn't born to reality then, I had pretty good knowledge about HIV before, and I have much more now, reading and reading every now and then.

Regardless, I do think freaking out all the time about HIV is not good, and there is nothing wrong with doing therapy. It's actually quite good and that doesn't mean someone is "mentally ill". This forum, while it helps, can't substitute proper therapy with a shrink or psychiatrist.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 28, 2011, 04:21:33 pm


   Teddy,

       First, I have two things to say:

      1) When are you coming back?
      2) I hope I didn't help cause the minimal time you haven't enjoyed here at AM; what was it, like 10%?

      Then, I just wanted to tell you I've always thought of you  as a kid brother.   The one my momma and shitdad woulda had when I was 6 if all those all day long, behind locked door attempts hadn't failed.  Anyways, that's me and this is s'posed to be about you kid.

      I'd like to ask you Teddy, why haven't you spoke up like this for yourself before?   In the post above you did everything right.  Well, almost everything.  The part where you're taking a break hits a raw nerve with me.  Just like when others use it, however, don't worry;  I'll be ok.   Ted, think about, it was a handful of people that said anything necessarily uhhhh, unnecessary.(?)

     I agree with many here who feel you should seek some therapy, Teddy.  In spite of your goodhearted nature, it seems to frustrate some simply because you will not listen.   Sometimes when these people get frustrated they act in ways that might just hurt your feelings.    And, why this is- I don't know.

     I agree with Joe, the part where he referenced another member(s) was a bit out of line; but, he apologized for it, so I have no further comment about that.  Most of the others were telling you to get some help, and this has been said to you on many occasions, Theodore. 

    Dude, if you ain't gonna do it maybe you should lie about it, or at least grow a back bone and tell us to go screw ourselves.  Hell, I don't know little brot... I mean, Teddy.  And Another thing, before I forget--  put your labs back in your sig-line.   Why would you let someone convince you that you're being "self-indulgent" by doing so?   I mean really, whose more "self-indulgent" than she?? :-*

   Come back Tedderz, it's all good.

   
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: red_Dragon888 on May 28, 2011, 06:18:34 pm
Sorry for the outcome for some members attack viciously.  been there.  just be strong and don't let them bother you.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 08:28:40 pm
your advice has already been helpful.  As a newbie I want to say thankyou.  Don't let the actions of others control your actions.  Sometimes a asshole is a asshole; has nothing to do with you.  Each of our realities is real and we live with whats in our own head. For someone to undermind you is their way of making themselves feel better.  Being direct is one thing rude is another.  Join me and just say fuck em. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 08:31:12 pm
PS   See I didn't realize in the comments section it annoyed people with it being long.  I'm going to go fix that right now.  keep bring on the helpful hints. 


PPS.  Use my mantra:  I'm a strong white women, and I can do it.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 28, 2011, 08:45:22 pm
PPS.  Use my mantra:  I'm a strong white women, and I can do it.

How many are you exactly? 

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: mecch on May 28, 2011, 08:48:41 pm
If the forum is helpful to you, and it seems it is, then just bring whatever you want here and take what is helpful and try to put aside the abrasiveness when it happens. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 08:49:57 pm
there are days I wonder myself man  
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 28, 2011, 09:10:49 pm
Hi Ted,

I understand you're concern and feelings.  I myself have anxiety about posting anything here for the fear of being attacked, so I mostly just use the site for information and it gives me something to browse thru when I'm surfing the net.  Most folks are pretty nice, but i Know some like to be confrontational it just seems to be in their nature I guess.  I will respond to a post once in a while and usually on pins and needles waiting for someone to give me a bad response, so I feel ya.

I hope you stick around though, I do enjoy you're threads.

mike

So on point.  Thanks!

Amen sista!   I could post that the sky is blue and still receive posts telling me how wrong I am.  The thing is, being "newly diagnosed" you (and I) are more likely to have questions or ask about experiences because we havent had them or are nervous or curious.

That just opens the door for some. 

I cant wait to see what vitriole this thread unleashes.  Let it begin.

Since the OP referenced the idea of "us vs. them" within the forums, I would like to understand why the above comments, are not propagating that very concept.  I appreciate there can be friction in the forums and it is both natural and to be expected, given the subjects that we cover.  I also know that people can misspeak, apologize and move on, but not in all members eyes.  I cannot understand how getting strong direct criticism, is a form of abuse or an assault.  It makes me wonder if anyone has actually been assaulted, because I have and it's nothing even close to what happens in this forum.

Since when did it become "abusive" to tell people the truth, particularly a truth they refuse to hear?  I often read posts that at first glance, seem patently offensive, but usually, upon review I can understand what the poster is trying to convey, rather that looking for something to pick apart.  If some of you, truly believe that anyone who speaks the truth to you, is somehow attacking you, then you are missing the true power of these forums.

It is very hard to remain supportive, when some members are simply looking for situations where they can swoop in and declare their outrage at something that had absolutely nothing to do with them.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: mecch on May 28, 2011, 09:23:29 pm
Since when did it become "abusive" to tell people the truth, particularly a truth they refuse to hear?  I often read posts that at first glance, seem patently offensive, but usually, upon review I can understand what the poster is trying to convey, rather that looking for something to pick apart.  If some of you, truly believe that anyone who speaks the truth to you, is somehow attacking you, then you are missing the true power of these forums.

It is very hard to remain supportive, when some members are simply looking for situations where they can swoop in and declare their outrage at something that had absolutely nothing to do with them.

Killfolie, you are projecting a bit of your own challenge here.  You can be rather quick with the trigger.  You often express a sense of great offense only to later walk it back, to your credit, and apologize. 

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 09:34:20 pm
Since when did it become "abusive" to tell people the truth, particularly a truth they refuse to hear?  I often read posts that at first glance, seem patently offensive, but usually, upon review I can understand what the poster is trying to convey, rather that looking for something to pick apart.  If some of you, truly believe that anyone who speaks the truth to you, is somehow attacking you, then you are missing the true power of these forums.

It is very hard to remain supportive, when some members are simply looking for situations where they can swoop in and declare their outrage at something that had absolutely nothing to do with them.


Abusive doesn't refer to the message but how it is delivered or better yet how it is perceived.  People don't have to rude or con densending because the act of helping then turns into a insult.  One example of my own recently was when I asked if about with having a high CD4 count would stopping meds be a option.  A few different responses were their are people who are dying and don't have access to meds and your wondering if you should quick, another I believe was you have your mind made up and only looking for justification, oh and then there was something to the extend of being called stupid.  Where does that help when someone ask a question.  Why the need to respond and be condescending.  i thought we all are here for advice and support.  I know that why I come here.  

Honestly these forums personally have been a huge help and I have gotten more positive feed back than neg.  With that said I see how the op can feel this way.  i know I threw my two cents in because I have or better yet i have felt the way he does and i see a glimpse of what hes talking about
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 28, 2011, 09:40:11 pm
Killfolie, you are projecting a bit of your own challenge here.  You can be rather quick with the trigger.  You often express a sense of great offense only to later walk it back, to your credit, and apologize. 

Rather than offer any response to my query, you decide to just slam me.  Really nice way to further any understanding.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Dachshund on May 28, 2011, 09:43:12 pm
Swan song threads are soooo last year. Just an excuse for folks to take a few passive aggressive swipes.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 09:47:35 pm
See it all goes to preception.  There was no slamming at all man.  You have offered nothing but support and kindness.   I was just trying to say there are times when some respond to post it can be precieved as rude.  I applogize now if I came across attacking you.  It couldn't be more from the truth. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 28, 2011, 09:55:19 pm
See it all goes to preception.  There was no slamming at all man.  You have offered nothing but support and kindness.   I was just trying to say there are times when some respond to post it can be precieved as rude.  I applogize now if I came across attacking you.  It couldn't be more from the truth.  

LOL Poz, he wasn't referring to you.  He quoted Count Meccula.

Let's try not making this a mosh pit, Tedderz would miss the point.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: PozJeepGuy on May 28, 2011, 10:01:25 pm
Ok i just learned another lesson.  Might not be a good Idea to burn one and try to keep up on here. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: mecch on May 28, 2011, 10:32:32 pm
Rather than offer any response to my query, you decide to just slam me.  Really nice way to further any understanding.

No Dear.

Ted expressed a feeling that some people take offense to his small queries by telling him there are much more serious problems to worry about. 

You did this in his thread.  Then later you walked it back and apologised.  I said the apology is to your credit.  I'm not a slamming you.  Rather asking you to keep in mind your frequent "wise words" persona, which you just expressed, yet again. 

I too have noticed you sometimes express great outrage, having been deeply offended by some posts.  (As in, how trifling, such a concern. How insensitive to express it.) You have a right to that sense of outrage and offense but it occasionally runs hotter and faster than your stated willingness to step back and consider the poster's situation, not your own.

The advice to Ted to consider some help to further adjust to HIV is A OK advice. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Basquo on May 29, 2011, 12:54:36 am
Ted, please don't go away. Even for a while.
 :-*
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: pozoz on May 29, 2011, 02:53:47 am
Teddy...

I've enjoyed all of your posts here. I don't recall you ever being rude to anyone.

Ignore the crap, it's always the same people anyway, they know who they are, and well , there's a pschycological term for people like that...something to do with self projection or something.... I wonder if they know how childish and petty they appear...probably not........ you know what I mean...

Peace Brother....
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Matty the Damned on May 29, 2011, 07:31:03 am
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.

I did note references to someone using the term "coffin-dodgers" to refer to LTS members. That someone was your present interlocutor. That is, myself. Indeed I didn't just use the term, I believe I coined it.

Memetics-r-me I suppose.

With regard to the rest of the OP, allow me to say:

(http://tool.shagnasty.net/wiki/images/b/ba/Dontgiveafuck.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Dachshund on May 29, 2011, 09:38:22 am
No Dear.

Ted expressed a feeling that some people take offense to his small queries by telling him there are much more serious problems to worry about. 

You did this in his thread.  Then later you walked it back and apologised.  I said the apology is to your credit.  I'm not a slamming you.  Rather asking you to keep in mind your frequent "wise words" persona, which you just expressed, yet again. 

I too have noticed you sometimes express great outrage, having been deeply offended by some posts.  (As in, how trifling, such a concern. How insensitive to express it.) You have a right to that sense of outrage and offense but it occasionally runs hotter and faster than your stated willingness to step back and consider the poster's situation, not your own.

The advice to Ted to consider some help to further adjust to HIV is A OK advice. 

You're a real piece of work. Not content to just offer your support to the OP you chose to take the opportunity to needle Joe with a "gee, thanks for apologising, but I still think you're a dick" passive aggressive swipe. Followed by addressing Joe with your trademark condescending use of the word dear. Smarmy.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 01:32:56 pm
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.

I did note references to someone using the term "coffin-dodgers" to refer to LTS members. That someone was your present interlocutor. That is, myself. Indeed I didn't just use the term, I believe I coined it.

Memetics-r-me I suppose.

With regard to the rest of the OP, allow me to say:

(http://tool.shagnasty.net/wiki/images/b/ba/Dontgiveafuck.jpg)

MtD
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 01:38:09 pm
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?


With the very first official post since we're back online.

Nice one, H.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Jeff G on May 30, 2011, 01:39:02 pm
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?

He said I don't give a fuck not I don't completely give a fuck .
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Miss Philicia on May 30, 2011, 01:40:16 pm

With the very first official post since we're back online.

Nice one, H.

Obviously time doesn't heal all wounds.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: WillyWump on May 30, 2011, 01:41:38 pm

With the very first official post since we're back online.

Nice one, H.

Excellent work Hecky!!

(http://i664.photobucket.com/albums/vv2/RestingMoth/gold_star.jpg)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 01:43:03 pm

With the very first official post since we're back online.

Nice one, H.

I do what I can.  I like your criticism of Matty's completely pointless post too btw.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 01:46:49 pm
I do what I can.  I like your criticism of Matty's completely pointless post too btw.

I have no criticism because I don't find it at all pointless.

What's your horse in this race?
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 01:49:08 pm
I have no criticism because I don't find it at all pointless.

What's your horse in this race?

I like Ted and despite his slightly hypochondriac behavior like him around here.  I wish I could say the same for others.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 01:50:27 pm
I like Ted and despite his slightly hypochondriac behavior like him around here.  I wish I could say the same for others.

I know the feeling.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 01:53:24 pm
\\
If you don't "give a fuck" then why post?

Touche'
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 01:57:44 pm
Touche'

Oviously, neither of you score very highly in reading comprehension - as Matty's statement was in reference to a portion  of the OP rather than the entire thing.

In some backwoods environments, such sub-par schooling is perhaps to be anticipated.  I would expect more from Silver Spoon Academy or wherever else those of means secure their educational credentials.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 01:58:16 pm
I like Ted and despite his slightly hypochondriac behavior like him around here.  I wish I could say the same for others.
I think (or would hope) that Ted will stay around - while he may not have liked reading some of the responses to his post (and he acknowledged, I believe, that had it been put in off topic it may not have gotten the same response), I think the majority of those responding were trying to be helpful - even if it was in a tough love type of way.  Not all messages can be sugar coated (so is the nature of life).  I also think that ted has contributed in a positive way to many other threads in the forums and is, for the most part, open to feedback - even when it is uncomfortable to hear.  

The responses given were not (from what I could see) meant to harm him - but rather to assist him in moving to the next level.  Personally, I think that if no one gave a shit about him as a person, his thread would have been met with the sound of crickets.  

There is an old saying that a statement tends to hurt in proportion to its level of truth.  

at any rate, ted is entitled to procede as he wishes - whether he stay around, take a break, or move on completely.  

Edited to correct a dyslexic moment
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 01:59:54 pm
Oviously, neither of you score very highly in reading comprehension - as Matty's statement was in reference to a portion  of the OP rather than the entire thing.

In some backwoods environments, such sub-par schooling is perhaps to be anticipated.  I would expect more from Silver Spoon Academy or wherever else those of means secure their educational credentials.

Actually what I'm comprehending is that no matter what stream of utter bullshit emanates from Matty's keyboard you're going to agree with him.  You get the gold star for solidarity.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: WillyWump on May 30, 2011, 02:01:56 pm
Oh I am so glad everything is back to normal. I missed this  :'(

Let's see how quick we can get our first warnings after the hiatus!
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 02:04:55 pm
Actually what I'm comprehending is that no matter what stream of utter bullshit emanates from Matty's keyboard you're going to agree with him.  You get the gold star for solidarity.

I do tend to side with those who speak their positions directly rather than passive aggressive shit stirrers, yes.


And for the record, I thoroughly support Phild's assessment.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 30, 2011, 02:07:31 pm
I think (or would hope) that Ted will stay around - while he may not have liked reading some of the responses to his post (and he acknowledged, I believe, that had it been put in off topic it may not have gotten the same response), I think the majority of those responding were trying to be helpful - even if it was in a tough love type of way.  Not all messages can be sugar coated (so is the nature of life).  I also think that ted has contributed in a positive way to many other threads in the forums and is, for the most part, open to feedback - even when it is uncomfortable to hear.  

The responses given were not (from what I could see) meant to harm him - but rather to assist him in moving to the next level.  Personally, I think that if no one gave a shit about him as a person, his thread would have been met with the sound of crickets.  

There is an old saying that a statement tends to hurt in proportion to its level of truth.  

at any rate, ted is entitled to procede as he wishes - whether he stay around, take a break, or move on completely.  

Edited to correct a dyslexic moment

Very well said!
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 02:14:48 pm
I do tend to side with those who speak their positions directly rather than passive aggressive shit stirrers, yes.


And for the record, I thoroughly support Phild's assessment.



You mean like say the passive aggressive swipe you just took at me?  Look I like Ted and I do feel like you guys took it too far in the other thread.  I didn't say a thing about it because I didn't want to get involved with it.  That matty would come into his "I don't particularly feel welcome here anymore" thread and essentially go completely off topic with his commentary irked me.  Especially considering the picture he linked which I'm sure was done to great comedic effect.  I just called him on it, and of course you backed him up on it because there's no way I could be, dare we say it, correct to call him on it.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 02:20:52 pm
Gee I wonder what the OP was talking about? Being attacked? Naaaa. Not here.

And ps Im not being passive aggressive i am being sarcastic DB.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: leatherman on May 30, 2011, 02:21:05 pm
as Matty's statement was in reference to a portion  of the OP rather than the entire thing.
do you have any insights on which portion it was a reference to though? ;)

Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 30, 2011, 02:24:39 pm
You mean like say the passive aggressive swipe you just took at me?  Look I like Ted and I do feel like you guys took it too far in the other thread.  I didn't say a thing about it because I didn't want to get involved with it.  That matty would come into his "I don't particularly feel welcome here anymore" thread and essentially go completely off topic with his commentary irked me.  Especially considering the picture he linked which I'm sure was done to great comedic effect.  I just called him on it, and of course you backed him up on it because there's no way I could be, dare we say it, correct to call him on it.

If you were not interested enough to initially get involved in this issue, why are you now?  If you feel that some of us went too far in the other thread, why don't you tell us why you feel that way?  Was it the content of what was said or the delivery?  I am trying to understand how you can portend to be the victim here, when the initial subject matter was of no interest to you.  Exactly what do you believe you are adding to this thread?
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 30, 2011, 02:26:40 pm
Gee I wonder what the OP was talking about? Being attacked? Naaaa. Not here.

And ps Im not being passive aggressive i am being sarcastic DB.

I would also ask you the same.  Exactly what are you contributing to this thread by these comments?
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 02:26:54 pm
You mean like say the passive aggressive swipe you just took at me?  Look I like Ted and I do feel like you guys took it too far in the other thread.  I didn't say a thing about it because I didn't want to get involved with it.  That matty would come into his "I don't particularly feel welcome here anymore" thread and essentially go completely off topic with his commentary irked me.  Especially considering the picture he linked which I'm sure was done to great comedic effect.  I just called him on it, and of course you backed him up on it because there's no way I could be, dare we say it, correct to call him on it.

The only way you could take that statement as a swipe against you is if you actually see yourself in it.  

"Taking it too far", in my opinion, is completely closing yourself off to hearing what was actually being said to you in one thread and instead turning it into a platform to pit one group of posters against another.  And if that's someone's response, I too "don't give a fuck" about listening to it.

Yes, the fact that you "didn't say a thing about it because you didn't want to get involved with it" speaks volumes - and brings into focus what most irks me here.  And that is that, once again, you are hiding behind a supposedly noble position when your real intention was to sieze an opportunity to slap at Matty.  You didn't have anything to say when you could have actually...ya know...helped Teddy.  Instead, you saw an opportunity to get a jab in and took it.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 02:28:25 pm
do you have any insights on which portion it was a reference to though? ;)


Rather OBVIOUSLY the portion he mentioned...the portion alluding to him and his coining of the phrase "coffin dodger".

-thunter34

Oh, yeah...I almost forgot:    ;)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 02:32:20 pm
If you were not interested enough to initially get involved in this issue, why are you now?  If you feel that some of us went too far in the other thread, why don't you tell us why you feel that way?  Was it the content of what was said or the delivery?  I am trying to understand how you can portend to be the victim here, when the initial subject matter was of no interest to you.  Exactly what do you believe you are adding to this thread?
I have to say, as someone who did post in the original thread by the OP, that Joe and thunter's responses are both spot on.  It's like someone not voting in an election and then wanting to criticize the candidate that gets elected.  If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread.   Covers are pulled all the way back on this one.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 02:37:14 pm
I would also ask you the same.  Exactly what are you contributing to this thread by these comments?

I was responding to the comment referencing my education history and reading comprehension test scores.  What are you contributing?

I posted on this thread because I agree with his original post.   I didnt know we had to ask your permission to post.  I wasnt aware of that rule.  I guess I should try to hone my reading comprehension skills (now that was passive aggressive) DB'S
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bocker3 on May 30, 2011, 03:18:45 pm
The only way you could take that statement as a swipe against you is if you actually see yourself in it.  

"Taking it too far", in my opinion, is completely closing yourself off to hearing what was actually being said to you in one thread and instead turning it into a platform to pit one group of posters against another.  And if that's someone's response, I too "don't give a fuck" about listening to it.

Yes, the fact that you "didn't say a thing about it because you didn't want to get involved with it" speaks volumes - and brings into focus what most irks me here.  And that is that, once again, you are hiding behind a supposedly noble position when your real intention was to sieze an opportunity to slap at Matty.  You didn't have anything to say when you could have actually...ya know...helped Teddy.  Instead, you saw an opportunity to get a jab in and took it.

Tim,

don't waste you time here.  She is going to do what she does best.  Sit back and wait for an opportunity to stir the pot -- spout her passive-aggressive crap and then scream victim.  Soon we will here the poor thing saying how I don't like her -- It is done ad nauseum.  Arguing with her just gives her what she wants.

As for the OP --

Ted -- I do hope you stay around.  I am a relative newbie too and I can tell you that you see to be having a hard time adjusting -- at least that is the way it looks from here.  I really do think everyone in the other thread was coming at you from a positive place.  Focus on the message and not the delivery -- writing on the internet can easily lead to misinterpreted motives because you lack any body language or instant feedback.

Hugs,

Mike
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: leatherman on May 30, 2011, 03:20:49 pm
Well I tried to read the wall of text that is the OP. With only a modest degree of success, alas.
....
Indeed I didn't just use the term, I believe I coined it.
....
With regard to the rest of the OP, allow me to say:

Rather OBVIOUSLY the portion he mentioned...the portion alluding to him and his coining of the phrase "coffin dodger".
no it's really not that obvious. Matty refers, not to his "coffin dodger" comment, but to the entire rest of the OP (which at the beginning, he implies that he did not completely read) with the "don't give a fuck" graphic.  So which part did he read, which part did he not read, which part does he not give a fuck about - and how can anyone agree with such an ambiguous statement?

If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread.
not always. as has been stated in this thread, many people are often leery of jumping into the fray around here knowing the venom that gets spewed. So often times it takes a while for someone to gather their courage, fortitude and wit before jumping in. For example, I stayed out of this until thunter said he agreed with Matty's graphic, yet Matty states he didn't read all the post, and never explains exactly what part he was being so dismissive of (which of course, leads to the question of why even post if you don't give a fuck, but that's another matter). Since I really don't see how anyone can jump onto the bandwagon when we really don't know what parts Matty read in the OP, I thought it was an appropriate time to post rather than earlier on.


Personally, I already responded to this thread by writing Ted a PM when he first posted this (basically telling him what others have told me - just ignore your detractors. Gosh I wish that ignore function would come back soon LOL). While I too have felt that Ted has needlessly worried at times, his other thread was just an-after-the-fact story and he was no longer worried. I remember the many years I was a germ-ophobe and how just a cough in a grocery store could send me back home for days. Why to this day seeing a white spot on my tongue sends waves of anxiety through me until I can determine that it is not thrush. (Thrush is basically what killed my first partner, and I have severe esophageal damage from the bouts of thrush I've suffered through, so thrush is still pretty scary for me).

Since this is a "support site", I don't think it's my place, not actually knowing anyone here in person or their full situation, to criticize what they should and should not be afraid of concerning HIV. Or even how long they should be scared.

For myself I've spent the first 15 yrs knowing about this virus below the AIDS defining 200 cd4 count worried that at any time "something" might get me. I've only spent 5 yrs barely above that demarcation, and sometimes think I shouldn't be so cavalier about going in public where all those germs are. (My 12% cd4 ratio is not really the sign of a good immune system, even if I have been lucky to have stayed out of the hospital for 14 yrs)

Instead all I, or any of us really can do, is to tell someone the med side effects are not that terrible, that someone's tcells are probably too high for thrush, give them some reference links, suggest counseling etc etc. I think that people who don't want to be supportive, who don't give a fuck about the issue, or who don't want to give full answers and explanations, probably should just not get involved in a thread and find some other topic that they are more concerned with or some other problem a member has that they would be better suited to helping out with.

it's really just following the old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Hellraiser on May 30, 2011, 04:22:29 pm
If you were not interested enough to initially get involved in this issue, why are you now?  If you feel that some of us went too far in the other thread, why don't you tell us why you feel that way?  Was it the content of what was said or the delivery?  I am trying to understand how you can portend to be the victim here, when the initial subject matter was of no interest to you.  Exactly what do you believe you are adding to this thread?

I didn't jump in initially because at the time you hadn't succeeded in yet again making someone uninterested in posting in these forums with your knee jerk reaction to their posts.  By you, I mean the lot of you who have apparently taken lessons in being socially obtuse.

You went too far.  Pointing out exactly how you went too far seems a bit overly critical don't you think?  You dogged a poster for posting, because his post wasn't deemed important enough to you.

The content of what was said had an element of truth to it, Ted tends to be a bit of a hypochondriac, but yes if you must know it was the way in which you said it.  Your delivery was rationalized away as necessary because it was the truth.  Meanwhile it was completely unnecessary to be so incredibly offensive to someone who frankly has never even so much as spoken up to you.

I'm not the victim here and I never claimed to be, you boys are the ones who have decided that I play the martyr on every issue when in reality I try not to become involved in the every day petty squabbles.  When I do a knock down drag out flame war seems to be the result.  This does not interest me and this is not why I come here.  Ted is a friend who I have corresponded with in my now year and a half of posting here and I don't like the way he's being treated by any of you.  Without your own extensive post histories I feel the moderators would have strongly rebuked the lot of you.

What I added to this thread was that Matty's comment wasn't needed since it was in no way relevant to the poster or original discussion.  It was merely an excuse to get a last dig in.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 04:56:36 pm
I've reread every post I made, and I still stand behind them.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Miss Philicia on May 30, 2011, 04:59:55 pm
That's hot.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 30, 2011, 05:01:15 pm
I have to say, as someone who did post in the original thread by the OP, that Joe and thunter's responses are both spot on.  It's like someone not voting in an election and then wanting to criticize the candidate that gets elected.  If there really was a concern about the OP, it would have been voiced during his original thread.   Covers are pulled all the way back on this one.

I respectfully disagree with you Phil.  This thread was also started by Teddy.  It's a continuation of sorts really, and most, if not all, the same players are still participating.  Teddy has obviously taken some of what was said in the other thread personally, he says so here.  Joe specifically called out the portion of his post, and even apologized for it.  To be honest I think it was the comments following Joe's that Ted took personally, most likely because he himself became jaded to all advice at that point.  Then in post #17 in that thread you say the following: It was a fucking peppermint on his tongue - since when is that a question related to health?  Unless of course he chokes on the peppermint or has an allergic fucking reaction to it.   I think his motivation should be very clear to everyone why he felt it necessary to make this thread, not just the same select.  

I've been here for 6 years now, and I take swipes at no one.  But I do know when I see someone wronged.  

In my opinion it went a bit too far.

  
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 05:12:13 pm
I respectfully disagree with you Phil.  This thread was also started by Teddy.  It's a continuation of sorts really, and most, if not all, the same players are still participating.  Teddy has obviously taken some of what was said in the other thread personally, he says so here.  Joe specifically called out the portion of his post, and even apologized for it.  To be honest I think it was the comments following Joe's that Ted took personally, most likely because he himself became jaded to all advice at that point.  Then in post #17 in that thread you say the following: It was a fucking peppermint on his tongue - since when is that a question related to health?  Unless of course he chokes on the peppermint or has an allergic fucking reaction to it.   I think his motivation should be very clear to everyone why he felt it necessary to make this thread, not just the same select.  

I've been here for 6 years now, and I take swipes at no one.  But I do know when I see someone wronged.  

In my opinion it went a bit too far.

  
In regards to my comment, which was in reference to other comments being made - I stand by it --- i.e. it was a fucking peppermint on his tongue - since when is that a question related to health --- how is it????  unless of course the person chokes on it or is allergic to it --- once again, I stand by that....and, as I said previously, and ted acknowledged, if the thread was in off topic - discussing the humor he and his partner found  in him getting anxious about thrush when in fact it was a peppermint - he probably would have been joined in that humor  --- but he posted it in Living With and accompanied it with pics ---- my comment, which BTW is in response to one of the previous posts and was not a direct response to ted's initial post still stands.

My other comments regarding people overall commenting not as a way to harm Ted, but to provide some straightforward feedback and advice, as well as my comments that ted has many posts where he contributes to these forums in a positive manner also stand ----- let's not forget about those posts - lest, I become selective about posts others make that have been off color, insensitive, off point, irrelevant, straightforward, etc. etc.   -

Oh, almost forgot my smiley face  :)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 30, 2011, 05:27:18 pm



C'mon buddy, you know I respect you and your take.   I just don't agree with it.


Can you and I can both agree though that delivery is everything?

Also, if a good guy like Teddy says he felt slighted and has hardly ever said so before, thus feeling the need to make a thread like this, I suspect it could be valid.

Just my opinion.

 :) :) (two smileys)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 05:28:31 pm


C'mon buddy, you know I respect you and your take.   I just don't agree with it.


Can you and I can both agree though that delivery is everything?

Also, if a good guy like Teddy says he felt slighted and has hardly ever said so before, thus feeling the need to make a thread like this, I suspect it could be valid.

Just my opinion.

 :) :) (two smileys)
I see your two smileys  :) :)
and raise you two smileys :) :)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bmancanfly on May 30, 2011, 05:29:30 pm
I don't think anyone has asserted that Ted's health concerns were real.  No one.

It's the manner in which members treat each other that is at issue.  There is, all too often,  a coarseness to the discourse here that offends a lot of people.  And that is an issue that has been raised here time and again.

Some people have a very thick skin and it doesn't affect them,  others are more sensitive to it.  Are we to just dismiss the concerns of the the latter group?

And I don't buy the whole "tough love" canard.  It's just an excuse to rationalize bad behaviour.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Dachshund on May 30, 2011, 05:32:11 pm


Personally, I already responded to this thread by writing Ted a PM when he first posted this (basically telling him what others have told me - just ignore your detractors.

You stir up more shit behind the scene with your poisonous PM's than anyone ever has saying something publicly. It's common knowledge.  
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 05:35:46 pm
And I don't buy the whole "tough love" canard.  It's just an excuse to rationalize bad behaviour.


Well, that's odd.  It's practically the whole foundation upon which substance abuse treatment is based.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 30, 2011, 05:35:51 pm
I see your two smileys  :) :)
and raise you two smileys :) :)


I win


(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 05:37:20 pm
I win


(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0Ih5f_iOx0opHB4zEE4oi9XkB9Up171yQVVQMpgGrt1-h5y7DlQ)
LMAO -
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bmancanfly on May 30, 2011, 05:41:21 pm

Well, that's odd.  It's practically the whole foundation upon which substance abuse treatment is based.



Tough love in this situation would have looked like this;

"Ted I think your concerns are frivolous.  And I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore until you address this issue in therapy."

Not like this;

"get a fucking grip"

See the difference.  Still tough and loving but not disrespectful or disparaging.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 05:45:54 pm
Tough love in this situation would have looked like this;

"Ted I think your concerns are frivolous.  And I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore until you address this issue in therapy."

Not like this;

"get a fucking grip"

See the difference.  Still tough and loving but not disrespectful or disparaging.


Ah, but it doesn't matter what you think it should "look like", does it?  Your statement was more generally applied.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: leatherman on May 30, 2011, 05:50:54 pm
You stir up more shit behind the scene with your poisonous PM's than anyone ever has saying something publicly. It's common knowledge.  
your paranoia is showing ROFLMAO
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 05:53:39 pm
I think I have it now!  Tough love looks like this:

Maybe you should get a life.   ;D ;D ;D

You're pathetic.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bmancanfly on May 30, 2011, 05:54:38 pm
Ah, but it doesn't matter what you think it should "look like", does it?  Your statement was more generally applied.



Interesting,  that's at least the second time in this thread alone that you have tried to diminish someones opinion who disagreed with you,  rather the just disagree with it.

Kind of goes to the heart of what I'm talking about.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Dachshund on May 30, 2011, 05:56:49 pm
your paranoia is showing ROFLMAO

Nope, your PM's keep getting forwarded. ;) :D ;D
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 06:03:12 pm
Interesting,  that's at least the second time in this thread alone that you have tried to diminish someones opinion who disagreed with you,  rather the just disagree with it.

Kind of goes to the heart of what I'm talking about.

No, buttercup.  I said that it didn't matter what you thought it should look like because you statement was more generally applied.

Interesting.   (Not really)

You read into my post what you wanted to read.

Kinda goes to the heart of what I have been talking about.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bmancanfly on May 30, 2011, 06:11:57 pm
No, buttercup.  I said that it didn't matter what you thought it should look like because you statement was more generally applied.

Interesting.   (Not really)

You read into my post what you wanted to read.

Kinda goes to the heart of what I have been talking about.


Your continued condescension toward anyone who disagrees with you says more than anything I could say.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 06:24:02 pm
Your continued condescension toward anyone who disagrees with you says more than anything I could say.

Agreed!

Besides what does substance abuse treatment have to do with the cost of tea in China? Is Teddy abusing mints?
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 06:31:20 pm
Your continued condescension toward anyone who disagrees with you says more than anything I could say.

Very good.  Then we shouldn't be hearing anything further from you.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 06:40:17 pm
I'm not going any further with this nonsense with you folks.  This is leading nowhere productively, and my sense is that all you folks are interesting in is a pile on to provoke a fight.

I don't see how that is in anyone's interest.

I've said my peace to Ted, and here.  I'm through being provoked.

Fight amongst yourselves.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 06:41:55 pm
Its entertaining watching bullies defend themselves when people begin to stand up for themselves.  And really, thats just what many on here are. Bully's. No different than insecure children on the playground.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: anniebc on May 30, 2011, 06:53:40 pm
You stir up more shit behind the scene with your poisonous PM's than anyone ever has saying something publicly. It's common knowledge.  

Quoted because it was worth quoting.

Aroha
 :-*
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Joe K on May 30, 2011, 07:01:53 pm
Tough love in this situation would have looked like this;

"Ted I think your concerns are frivolous.  And I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore until you address this issue in therapy."

Not like this;

"get a fucking grip"

See the difference.  Still tough and loving but not disrespectful or disparaging.


Since I apologized for that uncalled for comment, exactly what is the point you are trying to make.  That I said something inappropriate? Admitted, check. That I recognized that it was insensitive and therefore apologized.  Admitted, done and check.  So what exactly is your problem?  I am trying to understand what purpose you wish to accomplish and how that will help Ted.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: denb45 on May 30, 2011, 07:09:17 pm
 ::) can we all just get along  ;D what's the point of all of this  :D
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: anniebc on May 30, 2011, 07:09:50 pm
Since I apologized for that uncalled for comment, exactly what is the point you are trying to make.  That I said something inappropriate? Admitted, check. That I recognized that it was insensitive and therefore apologized.  Admitted, done and check.  So what exactly is your problem?  I am trying to understand what purpose you wish to accomplish and how that will help Ted.

Joe just put him to one side, you did the right thing, let him argue with someone else, all he is interested in is bringing up stuff he obviously hasn't read properly...or he's getting PM's that are keeping him going.

Aroha
 :-*
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bmancanfly on May 30, 2011, 07:11:09 pm
Yes Joe you have apologized for it (that's why I didn't use the quote function) it wasn't directed at you.

However, there are other people here still trying to defend it as an appropriate message even though you have basically retracted it.  To your credit.

It was in no way meant to be disparaging toward you.

If you go back and re-read my message I was just trying to demonstrate a comparison between "tough love" approaches.  Nothing more
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Rev. Moon on May 30, 2011, 07:13:40 pm
There are three people in this thread who are so full of garbage, and soooooo not sincere, that it is actually endearing.  Sure, you feel for Teddypoo, whatever.  I'm sure that you've provided him with support whenever he's had one of his moments.  Passive aggressive pot stirring and flaming is all that I see written by these three heads.

The response given to this thread by some people makes one wish that the forums had stayed down a few more hours.  

Oh, and for fuck's sakes, please!  Quit this crap about bullying.  You are not children.  Grow up.

Joe, you shouldn't have to explain yourself.  These people are only trying to provoke a flame-war.  A war that is instigated behind the scenes by the PMs sent by a couple of members.  Yes, we have seen them.  Talk about lack of sincerity, maturity, and honesty.  These are the very people who are taking this place down.

Teddyboo, I apologize for breaking into your mini-swan song.  Let the dance continue.

Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: bocker3 on May 30, 2011, 07:17:46 pm
Oh, and for fuck's sakes, please!  Quit this crap about bullying.  You are not children.  Grow up.

Quoted because it can't be said enough -- folks on here throw out the "bully" card way too much here.  It is used incorrectly and, in the ends, demeans all the kids who have been and continue to ACTUALLY be bullied.

Mike
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: buginme2 on May 30, 2011, 07:35:08 pm
-- folks on here throw out the "bully" card way too much here.  It is used incorrectly and, in the ends, demeans all the kids who have been and continue to ACTUALLY be bullied.

Mike

People use the term "passive aggressive" on here incorrectly ALL THE TIME.  I figured I could throw in a bullying comment. 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: AlanBama on May 30, 2011, 07:37:28 pm
Ted honey, I feel like you are just "over-thinking" everything too much.   Chill for awhile, take a break, and come back when you are ready.  We'll be here.

I would just ask you to listen with an open mind and and open heart when you read the replies to your posts.  We (or most of us in the forums) just have each others best interest in mind, that's all.

You're gonna be fine.

Hugs, Alan
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: thunter34 on May 30, 2011, 07:44:22 pm
Ted honey, I feel like you are just "over-thinking" everything too much.   Chill for awhile, take a break, and come back when you are ready.  We'll be here.

I would just ask you to listen with an open mind and and open heart when you read the replies to your posts.  We (or most of us in the forums) just have each others best interest in mind, that's all.

You're gonna be fine.

Hugs, Alan

If I had the authority, I would close this thread right here.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: komnaes on May 30, 2011, 07:57:14 pm
People use the term "passive aggressive" on here incorrectly ALL THE TIME.  I figured I could throw in a bullying comment. 

Oh yeah, false victimhood could work too..
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Jeff G on May 30, 2011, 07:59:59 pm
I have noticed that people only feel bullied after they realize they are losing an argument they willingly entered into . 
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: phildinftlaudy on May 30, 2011, 08:23:29 pm
I cant wait to see what vitriole this thread unleashes.  Let it begin.
And you actually have the nerve to call anyone a bully?  who tried to turn this thread into a flamewar to begin with?  All one has to do is reference the comment YOU made above --- it speaks for itself (talk about the pot calling the kettle black) ---- get a better frame of reference before YOU start referring to others as bullies.  Maybe you don't meet the definition of a bully - but an instigator --- me thinks so.
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: David Evans on May 30, 2011, 08:33:10 pm
The swipes are getting personal and old resentments flare anew. This thread doesn't seem to be doing anywhere positive so I'm locking it down.

-David
Moderator
Title: Re: Taking Time Away
Post by: Andy Velez on May 30, 2011, 09:00:42 pm
Just got home and was going through this thread failing to make any sense of it. The comments didn't reflect very well on almost all of the participants. So David's shutting it down was exactly the right thing to do.

Let's not see anything like it starting up anew. Period.